Out of the blue my five year old son asks me "Daddy, what is a Christmas goose?"
Oh boy. I got a bad feeling about this one.
In my head I am standing at a conversational junction and in five minutes I will have one of the following two results:
- Little boy crying about animal cruelty and swearing to become vegetarian
- Little boy crying that he is hungry and I should stop for a burger
Either way I am doomed and my wife will kill me. I decide to dive directly into it, he has got to learn it sooner or later.
"When people eat a goose for Christmas, that is called a Christmas goose" I explain.
"Oh no! The poor goose!"
I think I can make out a little sobbing. Option number one it is. In my head I sigh a little bit and try to figure out how to explain this to my wife in a few minutes.
Ah what the heck, at this point I am committed to the pot, so to speak. Let's go all in.
"Junior, all meat comes from animals." I start explaining.
"Really? All meat?" he asks.
"Yes, all meat. Beacon for example is made from pigs."
"Oh, I like beacon."
I know. That is why I gave you that example. A glimpse of hope to turn this around?
"But I also like pigs. They are so cute." He adds.
Wait what?
"How would you know?" I ask.
"We were in a zoo last summer. They had pigs. Remember? I was allowed to pet them."
"Oh, right. I remember." I sigh.
"So I will not eat beacon anymore!" He proclaims proudly.
Oh shit, here we go... "Honey, guess what! Our kid won't eat meat anymore" - Yes, better to say it right out than dancing around the topic. I hang on to the hope that 'Maybe the kid won't rat me out?'
While trying to figure out how to deliver the good news to my wife without making me the culprit I get an idea. Grasping for straws I continue the conversation:
"Do you like burgers?"
"Yes, I like burgers."
I knew it! That might help.
"That meat is from cows." I explain.
"You mean the ones on the fields behind the village? The ones I always wave to when we go for a walk?"
Argh. Bad daddy.
"Well, not those directly. But cows like them, yes" I try to somehow save myself.
"No, don't want to eat them either." He says, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Now I have a brilliant idea. (I think)
"But I know you love chicken nuggets. Am I right?"
"Oh yes. Can we have some?"
"Did you know that 'chicken' is the English word for 'Hühnchen'?"
Yep, in Germany we call chicken nuggets: chicken nuggets. So until now he didn't know it was actually an English word.
"So it's made out of chicken?" he asks.
"Yes" I answer.
Might this be the turning point? Can I get my little carnivore back?
"That's ok. I don't like chicken."
"Erhm... Why?" I ask in astonishment and a millisecond later I ask myself that same question: 'Why??? Why do you question it? Go for it!'
"They are mean, they always chase me and make me nervous." he explains.
Right, I remember. One of our neighbors has chicken. Junior was allowed to feed them and it was not a pleasant experience for him. But why argue? I might be on to something, here is my chance.
"So you will continue to eat chicken nuggets?"
I never do this gesture where I touch my chin with a finger when thinking. But somewhere he must have observed it because now he does it. Note to myself: Find out who does that. And after one or two seconds silent treatment I get the answer.
"Yes, I will"
Ok, my behind is at least partly saved.
"What about fish?" I ask.
"I don't like fish. They are slippery and ugh to touch."
Remember your lesson from a few seconds ago. Don't question it. Go with it!
"So eating fish is ok?" I ask.
"Yes, that is ok."
At this point I realize I will have to talk to him about his system of values at some point rather sooner than later. Or at least keep an eye on it for the time being how it develops. But for now I will take the (partial) win and enjoy the fact that not all meat is off the table. That would have made cooking lots more complicated. I have no idea how to cook for a vegetarian kid.
While relief is slowly easing back I get bold and try for a victory lap.
"You know, if you stop eating meat, you need lots more vegetables."
"Really?"
"Really!"
"Why?" He asks with a somber voice.
"You still need nourishment. You don't want to be hungry."
"That is not good." He starts reflecting.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"I will keep eating meat, ok?"
"Ok."
Lesson learned: Should have started with the vegetable thing in the first place.
This dialog (and inner monolog) happened last December a few days before Christmas. For artistic purposes and due to translation (and my sometimes foggy memory) the "quotes" might not be one hundred percent accurate.
All pictures taken by me.
Wes...