I definitely wouldn't recommend this book for first time readers.
Not because I did not enjoy reading it, on the contrary, it was a very thought provoking read.
I wouldn't recommend it, because of its very mature theme.
I had no idea how one event could change the entire trajectory of a person's life, up until I read this book.
I used to believe it was very easy to move on from something terrible but this author not only opened my knowledge to the fact that it wasn't that easy, but also made me appreciate people who are truly and wholly able to heal from traumatic and life altering experiences.
This review might contain a little bit of spoilers, but that's because I really couldn't express my thoughts on this book without those spoilers.
"The Way I Used to Be", is a story is about Eden. A shy, nerdy girl who is used to being pushed around, picked on or just flat out ignored.
She is content with living like this for the most part, until one traumatic night when her older brother, Caelin and his friend are home for the holidays from their freshman year in college.
This one night entirely changes the course of Eden's life, as her older brother’s friend, Kevin, who seemed like family to them, enters her room in the middle of the night, forces himself on her, and threatens to kill her if she told anyone about it.
So, she doesn’t!
This incident entirely changes Eden's life, because she not only continues to be tormented, she also has to deal with the trauma of being abused and not being able to speak about it.
Almost bursting from rage, she begins to change little parts of herself, just to feel 'normal' and fit in and maybe hide the part of herself that projected her trauma and insecurity from her friends and colleagues in school.
Reading this, was both emotional and heartbreaking for me.
Not only was I angry that she was violated in her own house, and nobody could notice, but also that she couldn't say anything about it at first, because she didn't know if her story would be believable.
I am of the honest opinion that more authors should write on themes and subject matters like this. Why? Because it’s most people's reality.
Because it describes rape in a manner that can’t be sugarcoated. It shows you very clearly that sexual assault, especially on a teenager absolutely ruins them if they aren’t able to get help or talk about it.
Most importantly, because rape, and any form of sexual assault needs to be talked about more often.
Where their things I enjoyed about this book? Yes.
As a huge fan of thought provoking writing, I have to admire the author's ability to evoke emotions, and thoughts, on how many people have had to go through similar traumatic experiences, from me.
I also love the whole plot. While it centers on a 'trigger warning' theme, it also shows Eden's healing journey, and authenticates the singular fact that, if people try, they could always heal from past traumatic events.
Character wise, I would say my favorite character was Josh. Asides from the fact that he couldn't control his hormones like every teenage boy, he was the only one observant enough to notice that something was 'weird' about Eden. That she wasn't really okay.
'The Way I Used to Be' is one book for every person who has gone through sexual assault to read. I genuinely admired the writing and voice of Eden.
Her disconnecting from herself, her dreams, school, and the person she used to be, and who she becomes are all portrayed beautifully and artfully.
Towards the climax of the novel, Eden does find a way to share her experience, and this is where the next book, 'The Way I Am Now' will pick up. I am hopeful that the author ensures Eden will get the justice she deserves. I am also a little curious to see how the other characters in the book evolve now that they know about what she hid from them.