I welcomed this week with sad news after sad news. My churchmate's father died due to complications that began in his thyroid. I can't imagine the pain because I know her to be a father's girl, and her father is one of the kindest people I know. He often smiles and is always on the go to volunteer in church activities and social work. He sure is a great loss.
But days after that news, another friend announced that his father also succumbed to sickness. This friend has been a childhood buddy and though we haven't seen each other often lately, we have kept in touch through social media. I can feel his loss.
On top of these two, two more deaths decorated my newsfeed. This week is a heavy week indeed.
Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash
Grieving
To console the grieving is one of the hardest things to do. I remember learning from my counseling class that it is better to stay silent than give unsolicited advice or improper consolation. Just let your presence be felt, your words not necessarily. We might add up to the grief instead of lifting their spirits up.
I lost my uncle last year. It was a difficult season for my family because we served as his immediate family. He had no wife and no children. He stayed single and when he grew old, we had to take care of him until the time of his death.
I have seen his struggle in love and life. I have witnessed how he gave up on his dreams because he is not privileged enough to have access to wealth, connections, a quality education, and neither the best things life has to offer. But he remained positive. Until now, a full year after my uncle's death, I can vividly remember his smiles, and yes even his smiles when he lost all his teeth!
Living
Death is inevitable. It is the destiny of us all.
People say that those who died are in a far better place than we are. At least their pain and suffering while here on earth ceased. At least they no longer have to pay bills, no longer have to deal with angry and inconsiderate bosses, no longer need to choose and decide what food to eat, and no longer have to budget limited resources. And regardless of your belief in life after death, somehow we can all agree that for that person, the earthly ordeals have ended.
But for us who are left behind, life goes on. We still have to deal with traffic, insufferable social media trolls, toxic people, and a high cost of living. We still have to endure the ordeals our departed graduated from.
Someone has said that we can never really move on from the death of a loved one. The pain will always be there. The absence will always be felt. What we do experience as time goes by is to get along with the pain and the absence. To take it as part of our new normal. It's likened to a newly extracted tooth - you can hardly miss its absence. But sooner or later, you'll get used to it.
Remembering
It's a good thing that as a nation, we allot time to remember our departed loved ones. Though it can be done any time of the year, including it in the national calendar makes it more meaningful. We are a nation that still believes in strong family ties. We value relationships. And yes, even those that have left us. Though it is my belief that the dead can no longer communicate with us, their legacy speaks volumes - only if we listen to them. Their lives can be our example (or warning); our memories with them can propel us to improve our lives while we are still living.
Just like how my uncle inspires me to push forward even if all privileges are taken away from me, and to have a reason to smile even until all my teeth fall off.
A short note
I wanted to post pictures of my family celebrating the life of my departed uncle, until the day he was taken by the funeral car and eventually cremated. Initially, I wanted to post a picture of his cremated remains. But I hesitated because I might offend some sensibilities.
Instead, let me share a family picture, taken while at the funeral.
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