"From the ashes of pain, a new version of strength emerges."- Unknown
This pain is so deafening. It can be so loud that it is all I hear, all I see, all I feel.
Hi everyone, it's been a while since my last post, and this time I just want to share with you guys a year of struggle and pain. To be honest I don't know how to start this blog. But I believe that this is the right time to share my story.
I’m certainly at a loss, unmotivated, and dead.
I lost a protector, a guiding hand, a best friend, and a superhero.
I remembered all the incredible memories we shared and how an amazing father he was brings light to my darker days. It breaks my heart knowing that he will not be here physically, forever.
It was Father’s Day. June 18, 2023 We were supposedly enjoying the time together, having lunch together, and worshipping the Lord together, but the plan turned out to be a heartbreaking scene.
He was sick, weak, and exhausted, but he kept on saying, “Okay lang ako, Okay Lang ako”. I knew the pain and struggle he was facing at that time. I cried in pain and was deeply hurt.
After almost a year of fighting cancer, we lost him. An indescribable pain I felt that day. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 “Thyroid Cancer”. A life-threatening stage for a patient. He stayed for 2 weeks in the hospital, and by that time we had spent the days struggling emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.
Very straightforward, I asked God, “Why do You allow Bad things to happen? What’s the purpose of this suffering?”
I wondered where He is. If He’s really there. I kept on asking Him, “Lord, akala ko mahal mo ako? Bakit hindi ka gumawa ng paraaan para gumaling ang Papa? Why do you let these things happen to us? Bakit mo kami pinabayaan?”
And by this time, I still remember that pain. I feel betrayed and lost. But God is true to His Promises, He revealed His message and He answered me in James 1:12:
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him".
I realized I hadn’t lost a father, a protector, a guiding hand, a best friend, and a superhero. Here’s there looking and watching over me, always.
I wrote a letter dedicated to the first man who held me in his arms. Hoping he could read this short message of mine.
July 2, 2023 – It marks the darkest day of my life.
It has been months and I can still recall how painful that night was — the agony of waiting, trauma, and fear, I died that day too.
Pa, your memories drive me every single day and I will never forget how fortunate I was that you were in my life.
'Til now I don't know how to scale the time to heal this wound that you left us — a scar that will remain forever, a heartache that I never knew was possible.
Lord, I want to thank You for taking care of him, for I know that he’s in Your arms right now.
The courage I have comes from You.
I always thinking about you, Papa.
And we talk about you still!
I will hold you close into my heart, forever.
I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU every day.
With all my heart,
Camille🥀
PS. I hope that this message reaches to heaven🩵
To my Uncle William and Inang, You will be in our hearts forever❤️
'Til we meet again, Papa! I love you and I miss you so much.
A reminder to myself, “This year was hard and you’re in pain. Remember that no matter how hard life may seem, it’s important to keep going. There are times when you feel like giving up, but you don’t let those moments defeat you instead you draw strength from them. You’re in a place where God wanted you to be."
I want to extend my appreciation to my family, relatives, and friends who showed their sympathy during the difficult times in our lives. Their presence and prayer comfort us.
All I know is that You’re all-powerful, You’re in control, and You want the best for me. Looking back on the past years of my life, All I can see is your faithfulness. You’re a faithful God. You’re saving me from this difficult time of my life.
