Was it inevitable? Or I just wasn't doing the right thing?
Flipping through books searching for the pages to write down my love life
I'm tired of these fantasies, this heartbreak can't be my ecstasy
I know one thing for sure, I'm always waking up with different thoughts of how to become someone that can take care of you and make all your dreams a reality, I know how much I stay thinking of every next step to win your heart even more.
I really didn't think I was failing this entire time, most times I don't like explaining myself because it feels fake when I don't, but if I don't I still appear fake, seems nothing is working?
Today you tell me how much of a darling I am
Tomorrow you say I don't care, I don't love you and I'm not allowing you make your own choices, that I'm choking you
Now I really don't know who I am anymore
I don't know what I stand for
I don't know what I'm doing wrong
It's so heartbreaking that I want this badly but what you've been saying so far seems you don't want me
Well, now you have the freedom, but in return for that freedom I will be caged in these emotions and thoughts of uncertainty, failure and toxicity…
I am the worst, sorry I had to fuck up so bad and brought you into my mess. I really wish I could do better, but if what I felt was me doing the best things was seen as a total no no, then I don't have any principles or whatever to follow…
It's not safe to say I'll ever recover but if you're happy, I'll have nothing to do but accept it...
