It’s been a while since I’ve wrote & shared here, and I’ve questioned when the next would come - considering the amount of throat gates we’ve passed through. Ha. Has it been the INERTIA shadow of my Uranus gate 9 behind the break? Perhaps ‘nothing correct to respond to’ (and some of my previous writings/shares were initiation)? My 12-22 “not in the mood?” The ideas I had about writing/sharing consistently proven to have come from mind - part of the deconditioning process having to (yet again) face the reality that energy rarely flows as expected and the all-important factor of timing having its own cycles often not conforming to mind’s structured plans? (Or at what point do we just gotta stop asking questions, trying to figure things out logically, and embrace the ebbs & flows?)
The subtext weaved between those lines speak quite potently to where I’ve ‘been’ (exploring) since the last writings. Alot of lessons in/on the gap between mind’s expectations of what the gates are about & how this whole journey “should” look and ”reality.”
I dunno what the transits were behind the reasons why, but it seemed I started this course & its exploration of the gates with a bang - cracking open to all these cool insights into new, deeper layers of their dynamics… and then…? In some ways, it was probably mind that crept back in and hijacked the momentum with its expectations of continuing with that same fire started with; and/or conditioned ways of thinking/perceiving, trying to figure out “what was working” and duplicating it (perhaps my logical 9-52 format + gate 4 lusting to find patterns with which the “successes” could be perpetuated… though eventually having to surrender to the abstract side of things as the larger journey carried on through its different seasons.)
Ah, the deconditioning process.
It’s weird, how inconsistent things can seem/be… during some of those earlier gates, feeling full-on in the energy and hit with “downloads” expanding awareness of their archetypal patterns & place in the larger puzzle… and then… nada. Like here we are in gate 31 of INFLUENCE & Leadership - and what do I got to say about it? I dunno. (Or maybe part of me does, and thus some subconscious reason this writing is coming out now.) Perhaps part of the reason I slowed down writing/sharing is awareness that some of it was coming from mind, ego & not-self - having recognized conditioning at work shaping the frame through which mind was moving through the gates and trying to logically understand them… and at some point, it became hypocritical/misaligned to attempt keeping up the momentum without actually having the substance to back it up. Perhaps even “arrogant,” as more focus was going towards trying to keep that early phase alive - both for the selfish desire to extend the high and (probably under the pressure of not-self) embody some variation of (incorrect) “leadership/influence” that hasn’t rightfully been earned yet. (Or maybe we all do have our unique value of influence/leadership… but the whole thing about timing and being asked for that input. That definitely seems to be a recurring theme among many gates.)
The Leadership/Influence thing is an interesting one to contemplate on…
Like, throughout my twenties, I wanted & strived towards it. Ah, young ego. Maybe it was partly the deconditioning process at work, though eventually, my attitude towards it shifted. That open heart/ego/will center not-self might still have its ideas that there ‘something to prove’ as though attaining “leadership/influence” is reflective of greater worth; though I’ve felt to have grown in maturity & wisdom since those early days of seeking it, really giving few-to-no fucks much about it anymore. While the majority of the younger generation aspires to be “influencers” and I once too was driven/motivated by the prospect of ‘gaining followers’ or achieving ‘status,’ the peace of on-the-roof hermitude has slowly but surely won me over, lol. And perhaps, there might actually be a bit of genuine Humility in this shift - as having been gradually eased into a different consciousnesss and outlook on things, wherein there’s been a greater acceptance of the larger Divine/Cosmic order beyond our capacity to control and a slow shedding of arrogance rooted in the idea any of our egos are important or powerful enough to really make any huge positive “differences” as they’d like to believe, to anything other than constructs of more/others’ ego. (All the while, confessing I’ve related much more to the shadow states the last month or two - and it’d totally be that “fake humility” to deny there’s at least an equal amount of Arrogance to what tiny bits of Humility may be emerging. And, yada yada yada… it does seems there’s almost the irrefutable formula: “more words -> more Shadow, less words -> potentially closer to Siddhi.”)
Granted, maybe this is where we circle back to how/why Dylan placed the extra emphasis on the profile lines in his talks around the 31 (which I didn’t get at first, and mind could still be trying to logicize)… the “Leadership/Influence” any of us ‘manifest/embody’ not being our conditioned ideas about what “leadership/influence” is, but the impact/influence of our energy. (Perhaps those with defined 31’s playing more consistent roles of their unique leadership/influence - to which I can’t fully relate, having it undefined and no longer under the same grip of its not-self pull as used to be - yet all of us exercising some form of influence/leadership at all times simply through our vibration. Whether that be conscious or not. Whether contributing our refined, individuated frequency into the quantum soup of our shared holographic fractal reality or the distortions consequential of conditioned not-self.
Or some shit. Maybe that’s bordering on the mind-rooted logic & arrogance to suggest I know anything again. Maybe there’s some nuggets of Truth & wisdom in there mixed in. Distill at your own discretion.
So yeah… we’ve been through some root gates - pressure coming from the bottom up… driving us towards/for what? And some throat gates… expressed & coming into form how? “Manifesting” what?
The shadows of the root’s 52 Stress, 39’s unhealthy Provocations, and 53’s Immaturity carrying forward through the cycle/wave in lower octave for throat-center expression via 62 Intellect, 56 Distraction, and 31 Arrogance? Or higher octave of root’s 52 correct Restraint formatting the proceeding flow accordingly to maintain the frequency’s progression through 39 Dynamism and 53 Expansion as carrying on through throat-center expression with 62 Precision and 56 Enrichment of the 31 heart-based Influence...? (And not the mind/ego’s idea of worldly “influence,” but perhaps that moreso of the fundamental impact our vibration has through its ripple effects.)
(The conditioned ways mind often operate linearly, along with the limits on the brain’s inherent processing power, seem to make it difficult see the larger entwinement of these 64 gates/keys; there’s so much information & energy in each, it’s near-impossible to see the totality of one unto its own - let alone the holistic tapestry of their multidimensional interconnection. Gratitude to Dylan for at least having planted the seed early on with reference to the concept of exploring the gates ‘as progressing through the wave.’ No doubt there’s entirely other levels of awareness accessible as breaking out of the linear-thinking to explore the non-linear ways these energies dance with one another in the larger symphony of The Program and its evolutionary trajectories of all it’s microcosmic & macrocosmic fractals, to which each of these keys/gates are portals into seeing & understanding in increasing depth. Ok, maybe this is why the writing needed to finally come (OR why the 52 “Restraint” and north node 12 “Caution,” so as to not keep opening these Pandora’s boxes, lol)… albeit psychedelics potentially necessary as superfuel for an accelerated direct experience going further into that bigger picture, should impatience reign upon facing the prospect of waiting lifetimes to look back at the entire abstract process. 😹🫠)
Alright. That might just be all that needs to be said/written for now. (If haven’t already said too much. ⚡️😵💫)
🙊