Because I was raised by excellent parents and grandparents, and was encouraged in my gifts, I've gathered my share of awards in 43 years ... but I learned very young that to me, they simply were not giving what they were giving to other people.
Meanwhile, I encourage every young person I can get near, and my awards collect dust ... they add no joy to me that could compare to seeing the young people under me flourish. What was given me, I freely give -- and that, with its results, is my greatest reward.
When my favorite musician was first here, the point of that lesson was that I had to step up to become the type of model for those I was responsible for that he and those who I loved and admired had been. I was so hurt at that time that I could not see that already, I was. It took a lot of healing to see that this is all I was called to be, and that stepping away from everything else was part of being who I am.
Last week, it at last occurred to me, after 17 months, in returning yet again to that greatest Commendatore Scene ever sung ... all the decisions Kurt Möll had made to that point in his life ... it had required him saving his life to that moment to deliver a performance that is yet without equal. People keep coming back to it on YouTube over and over, and new people keep discovering it, for good reason. One sees the force of a life at a great peak, having left all those things not required on the climb behind.
Then I found that as he had sung gently about the climb of life in Brahms's 'Mit vierzig Jahren,' he also more forcefully had sung about it in Schubert's "Aus Heliopolis II" ...
... and no, I would not have been ready for that in 2023, or even early 2024, but I had been told: now it was time for me to have more advanced lessons.
I may now say to you openly: when you refused to over-compensate and walked right back out of a mess you did not make when the needs of the innocent parties were met, then, Frau Mathews, you were working with the plan to save your life. You were not made to spend your life on the abundant folly and the consequences thereof around you, Frau Mathews. You are meant to live as you are called.
Schubert and his friend the poet Mayrhofer together created the image of a difficult climb -- doable, for the ground and rocks are firm, and the route is clear, but there is water and wind crossing that path with unimaginable force -- it has to be experienced to be understood, and only those who have experienced it know what it means to overcome it and reach the top -- and even there, there is a monastery and a ruined castle. Quite the contrast, indicating that even those who had reached there for self-serving reasons are not permitted to remain there to breathe the holy air and remain with 'only the great and worthy' ... the humble monks, by implication, since the monastery is not ruined. The great, and the worthy, in the end, though assuredly they are strong, turn out to be the humble ones. Where have I read that before?
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Oh. That's a whole Beatitude from the Sermon on the Mount. No wonder it seems to come out as true, everywhere.
Not many people have recorded "Aus Heliopolis II." "Aus Heliopolis I," though also not much recorded, is more popular. However, considering the two together reveals something: Heliopolis is the Greek for "City of the Sun," and the sun was worshiped in that city in Egypt so, in the first of the two songs, the seeker desires to go from the darkness and strife of the world to the city of the sun, and is encouraged by a heliotrope -- a flower that turns toward the light always -- to make the pilgrimage.
But who doesn't love a quest story, and are not most people looking for their 'moment in the sun'? It makes sense to me, just counting by the numbers of recordings, that Heliopolis I is more popular, but still not popular, because not everyone has missed the point: the pilgrim is encouraged to make the pilgrimage solely in pursuit of light, life, and joy itself, not to prove that he or she is somehow better in comparison to others. This is not a hero's journey, with a crown and a kingdom and a beautiful queen at the end. This is an abandonment of the concerns of the world, to reach the light.
Heliopolis II makes the same point: the castle, mark of man's dominion over other men, is ruined, but the monastery of the devoted remains -- and for many, that ruined castle is the disappointment of a lifetime ... to reach that peak, only to find it will not long support your ambition to reign ... but after all, one is on Heliopolis. Worshiping mere mortals was not what that mountain ... or any mountain ... is for. San Francisco has its own Mt. Olympus, as it happens, and it looks like it must, despite the mighty monument that once stood there ...
Heliopolis II makes overt what Heliopolis I is a bit more subtle about, since it is not stated there how the world is ... dark because of the evil done as people strive to reign over one another. That quest will always fail in the end ... but light remains for those who seek it, and true, full life is possible in it. It is generalized in Heliopolis II to be about poetry, and thus, about art ... about halfway through that becomes obvious ... but the life of the devoted and disciplined has its rewards in every field. There, the one who has completed that climb may express himself or herself in brazen accord -- that word Akkord occurs again there -- with those also having done the same, and the greatest expression of art then is made possible.
Look at the Commendatore Scene again with that in mind:
... three men who had done their work to get to that level of performance, and together creating something unparalleled in history. Three basses singing together is a pretty brazen harmony -- it was remarkable when Mozart wrote it for that reason -- but it was Mozart, and he too stands among the peaks of his art. So there is a harmony of five -- Mozart, Da Ponte, Ramey, Furlanetto, and Möll -- and everyone there in the orchestra, choir, sets, costumes, all having paid the price to be there, and done the climb, and then, together, bringing forth the fruits of their devotion, no one seeking to outshine the other, no competition, just them doing what Heliopolis II says may be done at that level.
I do not know for sure, but some of those people could have picked up an award or two, but I doubt it would have mattered to them. They all did what they came to do, and that was the reward.
As I noted last week, what I feel is missing in my musician and overall artist life right now is that collaborative portion ... but I also realize, at the end of this wonderful summer, that there is still nothing else to do for now but to keep climbing. Being in the first verse of Heliopolis II is a tough spot, and I've been here a long time ... but if you know the end from the beginning, the way is firm and clear despite the obstacles.
But then what does one do with the dust collectors -- I mean, awards?
The portal of imagination opened, and already the thunder of laughter was rolling gently ...
"Frau Mathews, I know you did not just put all your awards in the same class of what goes in English for what-nots and kitsch and all that -- I know that is not what I just heard!"
"I said what I said -- and I said it that way so I could start getting some of these laughs in on you before you start in on me!"
"Oh? This is how we are going to begin my last visit of the summer, Frau Mathews? You are a bold woman, I must give you that!"
The Ghost of Musical Greatness Past materialized in merriment, laughing, his eyes twinkling, his cheeks blooming, again trying for 55-60 years of age but missing badly because of his joy -- still in his late forties, a near-peer in appearance to me.
"You really need to tell the people in costuming, 'Bring dein Leben in den Griff!'" I said.
"The problem is not costuming -- the problem is the same as it always was: me! Even as Commendatore, in the performance you so admire, I almost got carried away with joy just to be there -- every inch of makeup, every pound of that costume, and every portion of the weight of that role was needed. And then I quite nearly flew off as Raphael as few times -- how did you put it -- head-bopping on Haydn? And then Osmin, and getting up on the orchestra box! I forgot I was not an overjoyed little boy at times -- so, managing the appearance of age in this stage of my existence is truly a challenge!"
"The child's heart within the man," I said. "I have heard of that from some of our English poets, but never understood it so kindly as when you have explained it."
He settled down then into a look of deep compassion and affection for me.
"You have spent your life among children large and small, and many of the larger ones are broken. You have seen the particular immaturity of some, and recoiled from it."
"I can understand people being deprived," I said. "I can understand the natural sense of having been robbed of things due their humanity -- but when people choose to become chattel-seekers and use their deprived entitlement as an excuse, that is where they meet the 'Mama don't take no mess' side of me."
"Indeed, Frau Mathews. How wonderful it is, however, that you are being guided away from that need more and more ... to save your life. Consider my Commendatore again in light of something I told you last week about gentle power with the beloved."
I thought back ... and then realized ... his Commendatore, in finishing the job with Don Giovanni, protects his daughter personally, yet again, from exposure to evil. She does not need to get into conflict with the man who attempted to rape her; she does not need to experience scenes of bloodshed. She gets to experience what I learned last week:
Being granted joy and peace when you anticipate difficulty and strife and are getting ready for it is another way to consider being gently overpowered, provided you are actually inclined to and desire love, not strife.
But, she gets to experience it while not appreciating it ... Donna Anna is limited as a character in that way, limited to grief and anger, refusing the love of Don Ottavio all the way to the end. The proviso of inclination to love is important, as is moving through all the stages of grief. Donna Anna cannot ever get there ... but again I reconsidered all the separations since 2014 in light of the fact that I can, having been led through all the stages of grief back to my default.
I am inclined to love, not to anger or revenge ... I can fight in the most devastating ways when put to it ... but more often than I have had to show myself a warrior, I have been blessed by being spared. I am the adopted daughter, under the Redemption, of a Commander -- translation from Italian of course being Commendatore -- Who can handle mercy and justice and grief equally well, having no pleasure in the choice of the wicked to remain in their wickedness, patient enough to send many messengers to warn and to plead, and just and powerful enough, if all that is refused, to mete out the appropriate consequences. Now there are people that know me in that fullness -- the works of my Heavenly Father I tend to do, so I will hand out terrible consequences when need be and cry later -- but I am grateful that often, I have been spared simply by obeying the command: "Leave now, my daughter, and do not look back."
The singer who had pictured all of that to me in his performance of Mozart's Commendatore stood waiting as I thought my thoughts all the way out. When I looked up, his face was calmly radiant. Now, as we count time, nearly 18 months have gone by since we started our lessons. There must have been moments -- well, no, he no longer experienced doubt or worry, but was still human, so there must have been moments in which he remembered experiencing those things because of me, struggling through the agonies of 2023. Yet as I have myself experienced in that same time span, the more one releases the illusion of control of outcomes, and focuses merely on doing what one is called to do, the less worry, doubt, and frustration interferes with one's peace.
Put another way: on any climb, the destination is certain, but only the immediate result of getting one foot in front of the other is assured to the climber. Focus on that successfully enough times, and one will see the mountain's peak. Get distracted, have too much weight or too much for the conditions, and there are all the degrees of failure waiting to claim your life.
"Please excuse me," I said at last. "Many trains of thought are converging upon the station at last."
"You are hardly inconveniencing me -- nothing could be further from the truth!"
His voice rang with an open joy I had not often heard ... it was bittersweet to think how rare such occasions had been in my life ... but a few seconds with that voice doing that and the pain of past memories disappeared.
"It is one thing, if you will, to ascend Heliopolis for one's self. It is another thing to watch one's student, in the moment, finding all the fixed ropes, climbing more and more strongly, nourished by the light above! I know what awaits you if you continue to climb as you are climbing, as has been modeled to you by every honored elder and teacher to whom you have been led in time and history. By eternity's standards, only the humble are accounted as the great and worthy, so among those who know the truth, you will be welcomed in your greatness, and your might, and your humility, and you shall have all that is given to those with whom you may fellowship in that way. That is the lesson of Heliopolis II, more boldly but the same as 'Mit vierzig Jahren'! You think you are inconveniencing me by thinking all your thoughts, while I am being blessed to witness you, my student, getting the deep understanding you need of all that you have learned in front of me! How do you think I feel?"
"Ihr Herz jubelt für mich," I said, and he laughed merrily.
"Du weisst es -- you know it, Frau Mathews!" he cried. "You know my heart rejoices for you!"
The whole idea that I was permitted to advance, and be supported, and welcomed, and rejoiced over ... no fear, no resentment, no competition, no jealousy, no envy about it ... just pure rejoicing ... that was part of the love my grand old soldier and I had shared, generally with a laugh about "Well, I already knew you are the person who should have that -- it's about time the world caught up!" So, as I had that thought, my mind also changed about the purpose of awards ... they could be, in the right context, a cause of rejoicing in a fellowship of love. There were other matters to consider, of course, but the light began to break upon how they rightly could fit into one's life.
And then he jumped slightly, and then laughed.
"We had better take our walk," he said, "because your neighbor just had their house put back on the foundation!"
And he reached into the pocket of his silver-blue hiking suit and handed me a fully loaded bus card.
"Herr K.M. Altesrouge and Frau D.D. Mathews are hitting the road, I see," I said as I went to get my hiking poles.
"Just because you physically cannot walk as far does not mean that all available means will not be pressed into service, Frau Mathews! I observed how you went over the local top of Lone Mountain's convergence with Golden Gate Park -- you made bold and carried it off well! I think you might also be able to manage a quarter of your favorite hill now -- to the top!"
"One can walk in double file there too," I said, "so if I might lean upon your arm at need, I know I shall have no trouble."
His eyes and then his whole person lit up as he smiled.
"Frau Mathews, I know it is your idea that none of the other men in opera even need to work, but, I will not be putting all these tenors out of a job, singing 'Dalla sua pace' from Don Giovanni instead of staying in my humble bass lane. Nein. I simply will not do it."
"Well, tenors do have to work too," I said, my mind grappling with the fact that yes, he probably could sing it, and whoa that one of Mozart's most beautiful songs of loving devotion was even on his mind.
"It is a sidelight in advance of the last part of this lesson, Frau Mathews, about the heart: rare is it in this world to meet anyone who loves and actually can be loved in return. That is why Eden Ahbez's 'Nature Boy' is so moving: most never learn either side. Life is hectic, and for dynamic people, there is always so much to be doing ... and if one has lived and been hurt, if one has peered deeply into the nature of human beings and seen the awful capacity for indifference and betrayal there, it is so easy to not believe in love, and move on from any offer."
He paused.
"It is no light thing, therefore, Frau Mathews ... I know you can make that quarter of the hill alone. But that you see it as good to walk with me, and can count on me ... that affects my heart as it would any man who loved you, or even might think that he could."
"You know, I never even considered ... ." I said.
"Of course not," he said. "You are a woman. What you said, and what I heard, are completely different ... but also just the same, just as the words in English and German for this matter are spelled and sound differently, but mean just the same. I am translating for you by telling you."
That was a whole lesson -- but not this day's lesson.
"Shall we go?" he said gently, and I took my hiking poles up and we went.
We rode the bus as far as we could up the eastern side and then began our walk.
It was such a lovely day ... we went slowly and enjoyed all the beauty as autumn's heralds glowed in golden glory...
... there was just so much as summer prepared to pass the work of the year to autumn ...
... just so much on sky and sea ... er, bay ...
I knew this was a gentle take on Heliopolis II, adjusted for my actual physical condition ... but it was only September ... the fact that I could consider climbing a quarter of Buena Vista Hill just seven weeks after Covid-19 was triumph enough!
As for my walking partner ...
"I am doing what I have been doing ever since you decided I was worth your attention, Frau Mathews ... I am walking you to the top, and this is still not all the height that you shall see ... how do you think I feel!"
"Just remember that we forgot to ask for FAA clearances, so, we need to not walk up into the clouds."
"Thank you for the reminder -- I needed that!" he cried with a great laugh.
He was almost giddy ... and he had a surprise for me at the last seat before the climb began in earnest ...
"It is harvest time and I am a whole German man, and you have been sick and even a quarter of that hill is no joke ... you know I have to feed you, right? I stopped by your local deli for a moment in route ... those are true Italian prunes, too...
Now I had a thousand comments ... but everything has its requirements ... grand old soldier was big on feeding me too while we were out walking and of course could eat the food of mortals, so of course we chowed down ... now I don't discriminate against spectral Germans ... so I said, "Thank you for blessing me" and then addressed myself to the One He so sweetly echoed in provision in gratitude, and opened my eyes to see that he too had come with some fruit to eat.
"Oh, the tallest tree in Paradise must be doing well today," I said, and he smiled at the reference to "How I Got Over."
"Always, Frau Mathews!"
After eating we waited and enjoyed the view ...
... because mortal digestion takes a bit of time to be at the point to support a climb. While we were waiting, he returned to the subject of the day.
"All of Earth's honors and awards may have their place as they come as the natural course of a life lived in the greatness and might of humble devotion to good. Now, if the goal is to decorate the castle, that is a waste of life, for the castle will be ruined. One might think of stacking what-nots in a giant what-not at every moment about to be knocked down."
"Oh, my, no," I said.
"But people do it all the time, Frau Mathews. We often tell the story of the emperor having no clothes, and we have spoken of what have learned from Father Bach regarding adorning one's self, but you know, after what Haydn's Creation does not talk about, there was some sowing of fig leaves together."
"We have a song about that too over here, Herr Möll."
"Well, you cannot get paid on commission for reminding people of their own fig-leaf adventures -- awards, commendations, all the accolades -- if the people you are singing to are spiritually and morally naked," he said grimly. "That kind of music can only come from standing against that evil, so if you are called to stand, then generally, the world's awards will pass you by."
"A small price to pay," I said.
"Agreed, Frau Mathews. Vanishingly small. So many handfuls of dust ... so many ... ."
Cologne, Germany, by the time he had been seven years old, was so many handfuls of dust.
"None of which handfuls I am the least bit interested in collecting," I said firmly. "I have had better models than that."
I squeezed him gently, unwilling that he should spend another moment in dark memories, and he looked down at me and smiled, his grim mood thawing.
"You are so kind," he said. "Again, I cannot give the force I wish to the words in English, but I thank you, with my whole heart. You are of the same spirit with those whose love both shielded me when I was very young and sustained me through the years, and I thank you."
"Sie wissen, dass Sie willkommen sind -- you know that you are welcome."
"Ich weiss -- I know. You have made me to know it. Ich danke dir, Frau Mathews. Ich danke dir."
Then his eyes lit up as he smiled.
"The hilltop awaits -- come!"
Now he was surely in a state of affairs, because he had chosen a route that he would usually playfully protest about because by comparison to his height, the trees were low ... but it was so beautiful...
... and proceeded upward, beautifully ...
... but he chose to descend for a little while to not take all those stairs, and this led us to western vistas of the hill I had not before seen ...
... new views of regular landmarks ...
... and windows to the world I had not considered ...
... as he was preparing, his mind externalizing it to our walk, the great change he intended to make in my thinking in preparation for the change in the season ...
... after the reminder of the cost of this way, and how of why it was necessary to be grateful, for all could not walk this path ...
... and after the triumph, by this slightly longer but still gentle route, of cresting the hill ...
"Whoa!" I said. "That's not a runway -- remember we didn't get FAA clearances!"
We still overtopped it, walking on air for a little while ...
... but landed by those lovely autumny-colored things ...
... and after taking in the clear views ...
... we just danced merrily at the top of the hill and then rested awhile. I was tired but felt well, and he was delighted to have me lean against him and rest ... so delighted and so relaxed was he that he was as smooth as the blue of San Francisco Bay as he purred, "I suppose I should tell you now about a few awards I received, a few decades ago."
My laughter rolled down all the way down that hill!
"Sie gewinnen, Herr Möll! You win! You have spent two entire weeks softening me up so you would not get told off in two languages about you just walking in here with three Grammys and a Kammersänger award from three entire German principalities -- yes, I know they are considered just cities today, but still, to a German, with your country's long history, that is more important than the Grammy awards! You are essentially a knight of music, three times over, and you began with those in your thirties -- you held some of those for forty years!"
"I respect the fact that you are a formidable woman, Frau Mathews, and it is no light thing to displease you when there is time to plan an alternative route," he said, and watched with a sweet smile as I laughed again. "But about those awards: they came over the course of me upholding the responsibility to which I was called, and I was humbled and grateful to receive them. They were of special delight for all those who had believed in and encouraged me, and also of those from my home region that had to work so hard to rebuild -- I am from what was then the village of Buir, and you know what happened in Cologne during the war, not far from my home. Not everyone had the opportunity that I had to thrive after the war, so I was glad that they could be inspired and encouraged to see that success was possible. My students and peers also who had to overcome difficult things also realized that they could if I could."
I was speechless for several moments.
"You just recast my entire viewpoint on the subject," I said. "Sie gewinnen -- I mean, flat out!"
"Because all you needed to see is that your future awards are also part of your stewardship to bless others, Frau Mathews. This is the link that was not made for you in younger years -- but now you may know in advance, and rejoice in thinking of how each honor might be used to open doors for those who you are called to bless. Now, so long as you are honored by honorable people, you may be honored in good conscience, knowing that you shall extend the power of good."
He smiled.
"You are nearly a year into being a best-selling author on Amazon, Frau Mathews. How many ways can you think of using that fact to encourage others toward good?"
It was some time later that his gentle chuckle brought me out of my thoughts.
"You have my mind running!" I cried.
"Since Commendatore, and counting," he said. "You don't keep an inconsistent man around, Frau Mathews!"
"I don't," I said as I laughed. "Keep up the good work!"
He laughed.
"One final corollary about the collection of awards, meine Tochter, and here I reveal something to you that your father and your grand old soldier epitomize, but have never explained. I have told you that every man knows he cannot live forever, and that he cannot be everywhere at once, so, if his love should embrace a woman, he must most often protect her by wisdom. There is wisdom in knowing how to communicate with those in the world who are limited in their understanding of what is important, so his reputation, including any awards that he may have, is a form of communication that allows him to project his influence further in the world. Remember how Don Giovanni's downfall begins?"
"Oh ... that's right ... because Donna Anna is Commendatore's daughter," I said.
"It is important for you to understand, therefore, that humble but highly responsible people may at times seek certain honors in order to increase access and defend positions for themselves and those for whom they are responsible, both in the present time, and over generations of time."
He placed his hands gently upon my shoulders, a look of deep tenderness upon his face.
"For most of the year I have emphasized there is no bridge, Frau Mathews ... I did so knowing that even as you have received this truth, and submitted to it, your heart still aches in knowing you cannot bridge across the blessings you are receiving to anyone else. Yet I also told you there was no quarrel in love, because I knew this day would come. Where there are bridges, someone has to build them. Where there are lifelines for rescue, someone has thrown them out. Where there are maps and signs, they must be put up. To that indeed, you are called. You simply did not take it far enough: where great mountains are to be climbed by more than one person, there are always mountain guides."
"Wait, what ... what?"
"It is not enough for you to scale the heights alone. Your heart cannot endure that because it is not meant to endure it. You are right. You simply cannot do anything for those not willing to climb, but there is no other limitation, Frau Mathews. Think of the children, and the adults who know what they have been called for, whom you love. Think of your many successes among them!
"Now, think again of your latest great award: your fifth book, completed one year and two days before today. You were a best-seller on Amazon within eight weeks of completion, but that was not a peak for you, or even a safe place to stop and rest! For you that was place to hold upon rocks that otherwise you could not have climbed, and to stick stout nails and fix ropes for those you intend should benefit as you have. Those willing to take the risk and follow the path have benefited! You are a mountain guide! The deep love and need of your heart to help others to come with you is and was always right, Frau Mathews -- and all your awards and honors are given to you for the purpose to which you are called, including ensuring that others who will come on the climb will stand on the mountain with you."
If you have ever thought you have lost something of importance to you forever, and someone whom you love comes to you and says, "I found it and cleaned it up and polished it to give it back to you better than before, and here it is. I love you," you will understand the rush of emotion that came over me then ... the relief ... the joy ... the sorrow for those who would not ... the excitement of being in the midst of those that would ... the clarity of knowing the difference and that I had already been chosen to be among those that would ... the gratitude for being so called ... the staggering vista open before me ...
... and all of it was true. I could look back and see that ... and now, look forward, knowing it.
"There is a song, Frau Mathews, that we may take today about buried bright hopes, buried like sunsets in the deep of the sea ... and yet, on the holiest and stillest nights, again to be seen by those who, by implication, have also set themselves apart by their faithful journey, wait, and watch. For those who have been so faithful, to them it is given to see all sunlight restored, dancing upon the sea under the night sky's own brilliance ... all things, therefore, of their light, and in it!"
Löwe's "Meeresleucthen" is not far from Schubert's "Aus Heliopolis II" or Brahms's "Mit vierzig Jahren" or Berg's "Nacht" when considered that way ... if you have practiced the attention necessary, and done your climb, and patiently waited, then you may see and be and feel all that is for those who have done that.
And just there he began to sing, so the wind worked with those flexible trees, like Cord Garben, to deal with those tempos and time signatures, bending ...
... and when he hit that croon, all I knew was seeing the stars on the blackest, warmest midnight, and also the sea, shining with lights thought lost, now restored. He had sung me clear into the Knockout Zone for joy -- but, somewhat to my not-unpleasant surprise, he sang himself clear into the zone as well, for he was well and truly overcome ... a meteor went across the sky, adding to the light upon the dark sea as he appeared and looked at me.
"To see the look on your face, Frau Mathews, and in your two deep eyes, when the realization came to you ... I thought I was ready but I was not ... ach, meine Tochter ... meine Töchterlein ... mein geliebtes Blumenkind ... long have I awaited this day! My heart is on fire, rejoicing over you!"
Tears of golden fire streaked down the dome of the night, and the sea lit up to embrace it ... nothing was quenched or burned ... there was instead that "metallic accord," that bright, bold, blazing harmony of love healed and rejoicing in its strength ... thus it was as we embraced, having come to this place on the long journey of growth and healing.
But then again, it also might have suddenly gotten that bright because the sun had come out from behind a tall tree on Buena Vista Hill, and the afternoon wind was edged with autumn's coolness ... but that coolness was driven from me by my wake-up call.
"Wachet auf, mein geliebtes Blumenkind," he said. "The wind will soon be strong here, and summer fog is not finished with this hill either. While it is still clear, we must go."
So down we went ...
... and the way down was as lovely as the way up, with autumn's heralds glowing in glory ...
... but again we diverged from the usual path ...
... and came down with Corona Heights looming above the buildings on the paved road, reminding me that it required my attention, too!
Still further down we had to go, and we were quiet because both of us still were too moved by the beauty ...
... and our experiences ... for me, learning how I indeed could be all of who I was in safety, and still rejoice over those I could help come with me, and for him, having held the hard line of teaching that he had to so I could grow, now having received the reward of his patience. He was incandescent, still utterly overjoyed, and between his closeness and the sunlight still over us I also was glowing ... and gravity could not hold us completely as we came down to the edge of Golden Gate Park even though the fog overtook us...
... so he took me into his arms and danced me across that meadow and through the trees out of sight of the world, and then up into the glowing side of that fog where the light was reflected as a floor...
I do not know how long we laughed and danced there, except that the moon had come out and all the colors of sunset's fire had passed over us, and it was evening.
"Do I need to be a little concerned?" I teased as at last we rounded the corner of my street. "I almost felt that you might not want to get me home!"
"Don't tempt me, Frau Mathews," he purred back, "first of all, because I know you yourself on any given day might be sorry not to be at home above -- I have to leave you here in such a place -- but second of all, I am still just a human man, whose heart has been raised to a molten heat because of love and joy with you -- don't tempt me!"
We laughed, since we knew he was no longer subject to any temptation ... but he there taught me a great deal that someday I might need to use in a world of men who are still subject to temptation, along with me!
And speaking of laughter: he finally walked me up my stairs, and rounded off the day's lesson.
"Our awards and our honors are like everything else, Frau Mathews," he said. "We know what we called to do, and we can steward all things that are given to us in accord with that calling."
He paused ... and then smiled with twinkling eyes ...
"And since we now know awards and honors can be useful, perhaps you should dust your higher-quality what-nots off every so often."
I could hardly get in my door, laughing at his silliness as he leaped up from my step, up home, still laughing!
