I've still got joy in chaos, I've got peace that makes no sense
And I won't be going under, I'm not held by my own strength
Cause I've built my life on Jesus, He's never let me down
He's faithful through every season, so why will He fail now….? Joy In Chaos - Holy Drill (Lyrics)
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Funny enough, I never learnt past that part of the song. Those lyrics kept ringing over and over in my head. The first time I heard it, I was in a taxi heading to my usual morning class when a ringtone suddenly disrupted the serene morning atmosphere, and that was the song that played.
I thought about the first line of the lyrics for a long time, I didn't even know the song then but those words hit me differently; joy in chaos, peace that makes no sense.
Some days later, my baby sister Princess began the song during devotion. Usually, my younger brother led songs while she led prayers and I shared the scripture, it was like a routine especially when my mom was not around.
That particular day, my sister just decided to start up after the general opening prayer and she had to start with that song.
Joy In Chaos - Holy Drill (Lyrics Video)
After the prayer session, the lyrics just couldn't stop ringing in my head so I called her,
“Princess, what's the name of that Joy in chaos song?”
“I just knew you would ask, It's Joy in chaos” she said smiling. Everybody in my house knew me, once I heard a song that appealed to me, I would look for it even if I had to go to the ends of the earth.
Once I began to play it, it was difficult to take that song off repeat. I even allowed it to play when I was asleep. For some strange reason, it reminded me of Jesus and the storm and everytime I remembered the story of Jesus and the storm, I remembered January 28th.
That day, I knew that if I didn't break down, I was never going to break down for certain difficult situations again.
I was about 17 years old and I was done with my secondary education so I decided to spend my time teaching in a nursery school nearby while I prepared for my WAEC and JAMB examinations.
That particular afternoon, I was done with my extra lessons for the day so I packed my things to leave. The school I taught was on the same street where I lived. As I walked home, I met strange expressions on the faces of the people who used to call out to me when I passed by, “Aunty! Your child is here hiding from you o!” Most of the kids I taught came from my street.
I used to laugh and wave back at them as I either walked to school or back but today was different. Even I couldn't find the resolve to greet them when I saw their faces.
Only one old man greeted me and said, “God be with you my child”. I began to wonder what was going on.
When I finally arrived at my gate, I saw why everyone had that pitiful look on their faces. What I recognized to be at least 6 of our luggages were arranged outside. I couldn't find the rest. I took my cell phone out and dialed my mom's line immediately. It rang severally but she didn't pick up.
When I tried to enter the compound, the landlady came out to peek at who it was and when she saw me, she began to shout angrily.
“Can't you see your things outside? Take them and go back to wherever you came from”.
I felt a sharp pain slice through my heart. My mom had been owing rent for only 6 months, that didn't warrant this degree of embarrassment. I thought about the next thing to do, since my mom wasn't taking her calls, I decided to hang around so that if she came by I would see her.
I waited outside there till 7 pm.
No single person offered their sympathy or even offered to help. The best they gave was their pitiful expression.
When my mom finally came along by past 8 pm, her eyes were swollen and her face was red. I knew what that meant.
I threw my arms around her, willing myself not to give in to the suddenly strong desire to come crashing down in tears. I knew what it would do to her so I held it together.
Thankfully, one of her sisters didn't live too far away so she came to assist with our bags and we slept at her place.
When we got to her house, she took one look at me and gave the warmest smile she could muster,
“You're a strong child. I'm proud of you on behalf of your mother”
I thanked her and went to cover myself under the sheets. I just wanted to rest. I cannot tell till date how I kept it together despite being outside for 4 hours with my luggages.
After so many years, that song explained it; I had peace that made no sense.
