Throughout the years, I’ve been gradually conquering my fears of dealing with people and it is one of the hardest journeys that I ever had. Some of you might be like me, the one that’s nonchalant, quiet, and mostly alone because I’m naturally an introverted kind of person. I often prefer a quiet and peaceful environment, books and music over chatting, and to watch movies, tv series and documentaries rather than to socialize.
I've been all good being like this since I was a kid until high school, but in my teenage years, it was then when I realized that I needed to improve my social and communication skills; however, how can I ever make progress when I don’t even know how to properly talk to people? I’m afraid of speaking in public or to approach random people when I need to speak my thoughts onto something. It became my biggest anxieties when I was still thinking of proceeding to college, my biggest worries if I could make it if I was like that.
Moreover, when the reality of adulting knocks on your door, your only choice is to let it in and treat it well or it will knock you down unknowingly. Time wouldn’t slow down for me either, I have to face and conquer my fears sooner or later.
In that point of time, where I have decided to take a step farther from my usual self, I needed to grow from where I have planted myself. I’ve enrolled in college seeking self-improvement and to come out of my comfort zone, hoping for a self-rebranding and developing a new set of life-skills. It was now or never.
I stood there in front of the room full of people attentively waiting for whatever I would say, with my heart on my throat and sweaty shaking hands. “No backing out, I’m here for this.” That’s what I thought, and started speaking what’s on my mind regarding the topic given. Almost halfway before I was done, I found myself enjoying the discussions I initiated.
As Lao Tzu has said, indeed, that very first step that I took last year opened doors for me in educating my fellow students in other schools and universities. Who would expect a shy and quiet lady to teach hundreds of students in a year? I didn’t even expect it myself.
It was my fiery passion and determination that helped me to stretch myself to go beyond my limits and overcome my fears. I have realized that it is okay to make mistakes when doing something new and what matters is that you are learning from it to improve yourself more.
Fearing something that we are not familiar with is natural; yet, how will we know that if it’s really to be feared if we keep avoiding the matter than facing it head on? It is not an easy thing to be courageous enough to overcome your fears, but fears only lie within us. Our real enemy is ourselves. Fears can’t be exterminated if we don't try battling with ourselves, and learn to be much stronger than before. Progress starts with us, and as the quote is saying, we could never reach the version we ought to be if we will not take that very first step; it can’t be skipped to the next levels anyway since the process of improvements is interconnected and linked with each other. If you pass the first one, you move forward. If you fail the next steps, don’t be afraid to start over.
From the kind person I was last year compared to now, it would be my biggest flex to say that I have become a new leaf. I have finally grown into something I dreamed myself to be gradually. Though anxieties may still trigger sometimes, I have learned now how to deal with it and not to lose myself in times of pressure.
"I may still be far from where I ought to be, but I’m already far from where I started…"