Are all women born to be mothers? This was a question that was on my mind especially because of the lifestyle I had, a lifestyle with a full agenda and many challenges at a professional level.
Nowadays, women have a social role beyond the biological one. Motherhood becomes a decision and not an obligation. I never made motherhood a priority. I was married to a man who made me happy. We traveled, we got along very well, and I quickly reached high professional positions. Life was ideal, but with the consequences of senior executives such as little time and many responsibilities. However, my husband and I adopted a lifestyle of taking advantage of the free moments.
I saw many friends frustrated personally and professionally when they became mothers. I watched with horror all the juggling they had to do to combine their professional life with motherhood, and I didn't want that. My life was going too fast, and a baby was not an option. I also saw the other side of the coin, women paying millions for fertilization treatments and not being able to get pregnant. I didn't want this for my whole life either. My thought was that "all women are not meant to be mothers".
I thought my life was fantastic, but life throws you a curveball. After some medical tests, I was in a health situation where it was possible to spend the coming months in chemo and radiotherapy. Those were hard moments, with a lot of uncertainty, where I prayed for a second chance, but a second chance for what, to continue living with stress and obligations? It was sad to see myself at the end of my days with a lot of professional success but with many things still to learn personally. When the doctors said it was just a scare, I decided to slow down my life. I changed my heels for sneakers, and the following year I was surprisingly pregnant.
Medically, it was a miracle to have a child, and I would not have the opportunity to have another one. Faced with this, I resolved to live every minute to the fullest as a mother and enjoy those small but essential things of that wonderful bond between mother and child. I only had one chance, and I took it fully.
When my son was born, my husband and I went crazy with love, but we did not imagine the roller coaster of emotions and learning that we would face. In order to enjoy this stage we had to make several changes. At the work level I left management positions and took freelance alternatives where I managed my time. It combined with online work. My husband and I managed to be at home without missing any of the wonderful things about being parents.
I was not an expressive person, but when my son was born we needed to adopt the "kangaroo method" for the first few months. Although my son was not premature, we kept him close to our body for the first 6 months using a special harness. Today, thanks to my son, I am an expressive person, and I allow myself to be in contact with others through hugs, a wonderful way to tell someone that you love them.
I learned not to watch the clock. Playing with my son taught me that everyone has their own time to carry out their activities. A child is not in a hurry because he doesn't know how to count the hours. That's why he is happy. Life without a clock is more relaxed. When you breathe, you feel freedom.
I allowed myself to get reacquainted with my inner child and went back to playing with dolls and doing fun things. I am a small-sized woman, so I could easily get into my son's playpen. Every time I did this, my son's expression on his face was full of happiness, as was mine.
I didn't like doing crafts because they required a lot of patience, but when I became a mother, I had to use my creativity and grab needle and thread to make his costumes for school events. The look of happiness on my son's face every time I made his costumes was priceless. You might think it was easier to buy it, but this was a way to acquire skills to surprise the ones you love. The same thing happened to me with the cakes. I didn't know how to make them, but just the illusion of preparing and decorating cakes for my son led me to take a pastry course. It is Unimaginable things with my life as an executive woman years ago.
A challenge as a mother of "only children" is to teach them that they are not the center of the universe. They must develop empathy to be able to live with others and strengthen bonds as strong as friendship.
My son is a very funny boy. He is always laughing. This has made him a boy with many friends. For a hermit-like me, it was quite an ordeal. I had to learn to have to open my space to receive other children, and I began to experience love and concern for other people's children. I became more empathetic to mothers who lacked the time and helped them by taking charge of study groups and supporting the children in their homework. I began to love this part of me.
My son, like all children, has a sweet tooth. He has a special predilection for chocolate. It caused a bit of conflict for me because as a nutritionist this is not very compatible with the concept of "healthy eating", so I had to work on my flexibility and abandon the role of a doctor and be in the shoes of a mother. Nevertheless, this was a wonderful opportunity to work on boundaries with my son and explain him why some foods should not be abused more from the perspective of love than prohibition. This was a great lesson because when I applied it this way to my patients, I became @chaodietas (goodbye diets) that is to say, I adopted the philosophy in my practice of prevention instead of guilt and prohibition. My patients started to eat in a conscious way obtaining satisfactory results.
At home, we are advocates of cultivating our intellectual side as long as it gives us satisfaction. When my son started school he started very early since kindergarten starts at the age of two. Surrendering my son to the care of others was an act of faith, trust, and starting to work on an inevitable day that he will have to make his life and move away from us. This is the hardest thing for parents of only children to face, detachment.
My son adapted very well to school. He developed something very hard to see today: respect and love for his teachers. If you look at this picture, these were his teachers when he was two years old, and then they met him again 10 years later, and the affection when they saw each other was immense.
Having the time allowed me to spend many afternoons with my son doing homework and establishing study habits to make it a learning activity without stress or obligation. Today I enjoy the fruits of having planted study habits. My son does his homework on his own and has initiative and responsibility. He enjoys studying and has achieved many successes but has to manage them with humility, something fundamental for his current stage as a teenager.
Every activity we do with our son we enjoy is a unique experience. I believe this has formed a spirit of security in him and reinforced his self-esteem. His first visit to the dentist was a pleasant experience, and as parents, it has taught us that children fear things that adults instill in them.
This has made me reflect on whether my fears are my own or those that my parents transferred to me. I discovered that many of those fears did not belong to me, so I freed myself from them and began to experience more happiness. Without with my son this personal healing process would not have happened.
Since my son came into our lives, there have been a few days that we have been inactive. He is the driving force that makes us have schedules, wake up early and have recreational activities.
He decided to practice soccer as a sports discipline. I never imagined having to learn so many things about this sport, even spending weekends on a soccer field, a unique experience. We have always attended all his training sessions. I carry my bag of cookies, fruits, water, bandages, gauze, band-aids, and band-aids since there are so many children. Some of these things are needed. I have become the mother of several of them, hahaha!
It has been almost 15 years since I prayed for a second chance. I have grown as a person. Motherhood from a minimalist life has allowed me to take in the essentials of being alive.
I hope to be by my son's side for many years to see him become a good man. However, if it were my turn to leave early, the years at his side were worth their weight in gold. Motherhood has made me a better person.
Happy Mother's Day!
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