Hello dear minimalist friends, it is a pleasure to write again and share with you. In this opportunity to tell you how overwhelmed I have felt when I have lived on autopilot, I enjoy life much more if everything flows spontaneously and without any pressure. In fact there was a time when I thought I had everything under control, I worked, studied and did many activities during the day every day, a complete daily stress.
For me they were necessary things to feel good in life, I felt they were all indispensable, I couldn't see myself without them. I felt my life would be meaningless without them. On Fridays going to the mall and spending part of what I had earned was according to my old self my time to relax. But in reality, these things took me away from my essence, they didn't connect me with my inner self. I stopped recognizing myself, my tastes became different and were not exactly as I wanted to be.
But I could only evaluate my situation when my body and mind collapsed, the day I least expected I started to cry and I could not stop crying until I got help. But this help was based on letting go of all the things that caused me stress and anxiety, all the activities I was doing in my daily life were a trigger for my mental health.
To heal I needed to take some time and rest from everything, work, studies, stressful walks and all the other things that exhausted me mentally. In addition to the time I needed, I also had to put all my willpower to heal, it is very difficult to fight with your thoughts as they can become your worst enemy. The worst thing is that you are the only one who feels the damage they are doing to you, that's why there are few people who can understand you.
I demanded a lot from myself for a while and I was on autopilot, now life has taught me that I must have limits, I must respect what I feel, what I think. People sometimes do not understand what it is to feel anxious, in my case in my mind there were images of things that could happen to me or a family member, tragic things, I cried for no apparent reason, I did not even know why I was doing it, my heart was racing and I even felt such a strong pain in my chest as if I was having a heart attack.
After I recovered, I had to order my priorities, it was something that only I could do, only I knew my limits. Now I lead my life more calmly, without having absolutely all my schedules controlled, I am the owner of my time and I have decided to lead my life in a spontaneous way. Sometimes there are situations that are out of my hands and I can feel a little overwhelmed or as if my anxiety is going to return, but the fresh air, rest and doing something I like have become the antidote to not relapse.
My best therapy is writing, I feel that I say the words better written, that way I can release all the pressure I feel. So when I feel that something is slipping out of my hands and I can't control myself, I take a pencil, a sheet of paper and write until my fears and anxiety go away. If I had been asked before how I like to live my life I would have said that to achieve my goals I need to live on autopilot, to make the most of it. If you ask me now I would say that life is more enjoyable when it is spontaneous, when you let yourself be surprised by a gesture or a word, when you have time to give and receive a hug, life is simply more enjoyable when there is no plan for everything, when your only goal is to live it.
Publication originally written in Spanish and translated by translator Deepl.
All images are my property taken with Samsung A22 phone.
