A few days ago, I was in a conversation with my cousins, Debo and Tim who were guys, and Debbie who was a girl. The conversation was about Debbie's tumultuous relationship. Debbie was thinking of leaving her boyfriend for six months because he could not cater to her needs. Here was how the conversation went:
DEBBIE: Yesterday, I told my boyfriend I needed money to make my hair and he could not afford it. AGAIN!
DEBO: Really? Why are you still with that church rat?
TIM: Why are you calling him a church rat? He probably did not just have the money. So what did you do?
DEBBIE: I paid for it, of course. I mean I have no problem paying for my hair but why will the man I am dating not even be able to afford something as cheap as plaiting his girlfriend's hair? I'm getting tired honestly.
TIM: Do you love him?
DEBBIE: Of course, I do, with my whole heart. If I don't, I'll break up with him without batting an eyelid. I do love him.
TIM: Then if you love him, I think you should stay with him.
DEBO: Why? Why exactly should she stay with someone who cannot afford simple things? He needs to focus on his life. He needs to work on himself. I assume that he's also having problems affording basic things for himself. Why would a man who cannot afford to take care of a woman be dating her?
TIM: Love is more than money. He might not have the money but he treats her well and he's working hard, isn't he?
DEBBIE: (nods) He's doing his best.
TIM: Exactly my point. It's not like Debbie is also financially stable. Everyone is trying to work and you know the situation of things in the country now. It is not easy for anybody. Besides he's a growing young man, he definitely cannot have his life all planned out already. Let him take it one step at a time and grow.
DEBBIE: Tim has a good point.
DEBO: He does actually but let's be factual, most women will not stay with him. Women are fragile creatures, they love to be taken care of, physically and financially. I'm not saying you should be Otedola but at least have a tangible amount down. I think its very cruel for a man to be with a woman he can not financially carter for, even in the littlest ways.
TIM: I agree but taking care of a woman can be quite expensive. For example, Debbie how much did it cost to plait your hair?
DEBBIE: Fifteen thousand.
TIM: My point exactly! Fifteen thousand just to plait her hair. It is quite expensive. I feel Debbie should be more considerate. Besides he's not her father, he is not under the obligation to provide for her. If he does, it is because he wants to and because he can. He's a young man, give him some credit.
DEBO: If you're with a woman, you're under the obligation to take care of her. It's a mans thing and taking care demands financial responsibility. If you can't handle that, then don't have a woman. Same rule for relationship, same rule for marriage. Except you're a grown man acting high school romance with cruise. If you're a man, then provide. It's that simple.
ME: Alright you know what? I think both of you have valid points, so here is what is going to happen. I am going to post this on my blog on HIVE and ask people what they think about this then after listening to their answers, we can talk about it and help Debbie make a good decision. Is that okay?
DEBBIE: Yeah sure. I'd really love to know what people on HIVE have to say.
I am aware this conversation is going to trigger different reactions and I want to know every opinion. So dear readers, please do not forget to leave a comment letting me know what you think. This is a command (just kidding... or not).
Part two coming soon.
