In recent days, thoughts of death and the afterlife have pervaded my mind. The inevitability of dying and the futility of our endless toil to preserve our longevity is a disastrous oxymoron.
Last weekend, I got a text from my friend who just lost his dad and he's inconsolable. I'm out of the country right now and being so far away from home makes it even more frustrating.
Even if it means very little, I'd have liked to be there for him morea and would have been happy to console him in anyway I can. From this distance, all I can do is console him with words of encouragement.
On Monday evening, I got word that my cousin died of an illness. I hadn't seen him for years but growing up, he was one of my big cousins as he was around ten years older than me and closer to my older siblings. He was family regardless and now he's dead.
I haven't heard from him in many years and it feels this horrible, I cannot imagine what it's like for people that were closer to him. Death is such a frustrating inevitability and it's cold hands comes for everyone.
It is so annoying to think that everyone we know and love will die at some point. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes.
I know motivational speakers will talk about how we're not supposed to worry about the end but instead enjoy the journey for what it is. However, we spend most of our lives toiling to avoid death, to "live long" and die of "old age". We eat healthy, exercise and make life choices solely because we want to live long.
My mum has tried to prepare me for the inevitability of hers and my dad's demise on many occasions but I wonder if she's ready for my own. She's made me understand that death isn't that bad for those that die, well, maybe it isn't but for the living, is a hole in your heart.
On the two occasions I almost died, I felt no pain, it was like I was in deep slumber. On one occasion, it was almost drowning and on the second one, it was a car accident. In both occasions, I only felt trauma and pain after waking up.
I'm afraid of letting you know that I'm not ready but soon I'll learn to say goodbye.