Again and again and again, shameless me thinking of a change that has yet to come even after making hundreds of plans to execute. What haven't I tried to bring me on track? On the actual one, not the ones that lead nowhere sustainable but to an ever-going long one. Every time, I am like, “Okay, this time it's a bulletproof plan to be executed for sure. I would make it possible.” But in the end, there are circumstances like where I am left with no choice but to go downward with my plans. But for how long? I don't wanna see myself in the dead end with no more way out.
For my whole journey, I was proud of my problem-solving ability and that I could come out of any adverse situation somehow. Thanks to Almighty it has saved me multiple times from worse-case scenarios as well, I got out of situations that were beyond imagination to tackle but I could manage them somehow. But this ability to fix things has changed my mindset of taking things seriously as I know that I have the means to manage situations somehow even if that is killing me little by little while doing so.
I always look forward to a milestone that I would do at that hour. In that way, I would be able to conquer what I have been trying to do. I calm myself saying that this time it's gonna work, it's gonna work for sure. It's not like that my plans are like cripple, they are good enough to be executed for better good but the unfortunate me who kills them in one or the other. How much ranting would make things?
Sometimes I feel like the end is new when I will see no more escapes and I am shaking with fear. That's gonna be hell-scary and no way I want to face something like that. That kind of failure to manage the situation would be terrifying for me and if things don't go as I am planning then it's gonna be coming for me to hunt down. Come on, I am not even at that stage anymore to bear something like that.
It's also true that I am trying to accomplish more than I should have right now before leveling up the game. I am paying like, I know these so let's go for the hard ones, I could have recapped the known ones to practice little gaps that are shaking me down. I don't even know how to make you understand the situation I am, going through right now.
We say, Life is Beautiful but in what way? It has different meanings for different people. I do say this oftentimes sarcastically and only a handful of people can get the actual meaning. A little bit of a hint for you, have you seen the movie Life is Beautiful? I bet, watch that if you haven't yet. You would see how beautiful our life is, indeed they are. Am I having fun right now as well? Come on, do as I say, you won't regret I believe.
Let's pause for now, I have more things to do that I have put on hold. See you again in another writing. Till then take care and keep me in your prayers.