I miss the days when I'd rant here about emotional stuff, it just doesn't feel right doing it anymore. I thought of having a burner account but that's too much stress for me to be honest. Today is one of those days I'd like to rant and maybe figure out why it's a sad day.
It was a slow day generally and I wished for night to come mostly. It was unnecessarily long and I spent most of it scrolling on my phone, ignoring tasks that I need to finish. Anxiety had the best of me so I couldn't function. I knew I wasn't okay but I distracted myself with my phone and now, it seems to not be enough.
Everything I had pushed to the back of my mind is staring at me in the face and I don't know what to do. What's worse is we're out of power and it's been dark, and I think the darkness has a lot to do with how I feel. How do I know? Patterns.
I'm sad that I'm sad and it makes me sad that I can't write on all the content ideas that popped in my head yesterday. I don't remember all of them because I didn't jot them down but I remember about three.
Oh, the power came back right now and I'm not kidding, my head feels lighter. I might or might not attempt to get on my laptop now. I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point because all I can smell is my dog's fart on this throw-pillow, it's so confusing. Why does it smell like her fart ffs?
Anyway, power's back and that means I can drink some hot chocolate drink - or rather, tea, as we call it here. We got a water dispenser today after months of buying bottled water and littering the place. Apart from not having to be the neighbour that litters the garbage with plastic bottles, my favorite thing about this dispenser is that I don't have to boil water whenever I want to drink my tea.
I'm a tea addict, and like I said, I mean hot chocolate and not actual tea. I also like coffee but I don't take it as much because I have to avoid caffeine. I had coffee about three times last week and I think it messed up my sleeping pattern. Totally my fault.
What was I talking about again? Some mental health stuff right? Look, mental health management is a whole other ball game in Nigeria. Like, why is it so expensive to consult a therapist? Like an actual therapist that knows their job and I'd be comfortable with. I don't want some pastor that'd preach to me. I kid you not, stuff like that happens in Nigeria.
The water's probably hot now, I'm going to enjoy myself. See ya tomorrow. Thanks for reading my babble, no? OK bye.
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