Something happened this morning that got me trembling, and I began to ask myself several questions at a time. It has gotten to the point of feeling so scared whenever I receive a call from my son's teacher. How did my level of fear get to this point regarding the health of my son? I thought I was this strong woman who puts all her trust in God, but right now, I am questioning my faith.
Sincerely, as I type this text, tears are rolling in from my eyes down to my cheeks. I feel so emotional, and I just feel like expressing myself through writing. Perhaps I can get some therapeutic healing or hear a word from someone that can make me feel better through the comment section. This wasn't actually the post I prepared to write today, but coincidentally, it turned out to be so.
For those of you who may not know about my son's health challenge, it's been almost 5 years since we started battling with his health issue, and right now, his health is being managed by a neurologist. It's been a back-to-back clinical visit at the teaching hospital, and sincerely, he has been improving. I have been doing all that the neurologist said I should do. I make sure to buy his routine medication and ensure he doesn't miss taking it daily. I also pray daily for him as a mother, passing lots of positive declarations on his life, yet this fear is still there.
I know he had a crisis at school; it was a disaster, but gladly, my God saved him after the school rushed him to the emergency unit at the hospital when he went unconscious. Since that incident in his life, I dread receiving calls from his school within the school hour. You needed to see how I threw the food I was eating on the tiles when I got this call from his teacher this morning. My phone rang; it was just 10 a.m.; I peeped and saw the caller; it was my son's teacher, and I was like, Why is Mr. Tony calling me at this time of the day? The school hasn't been dismissed; why could he be calling? Oh no, let it not be that my son has had another crisis in school. To make matters worse, he said Mrs. MBA, and I answered, he said hold on and now cut the call. I was restless and in so much tension, and then I called him back immediately with so much curiosity, only for me to hear that he was sorry; it was an accidental call. Really, I asked! Do you know the pressure and the emotional trauma you put me under with this accidental call? Mr. Tony apologized; he understood my fear and advised that I should take it easy. He also assured me that my son is fine over there in school.
Gone are the days when my utmost fear was death, accidents, etc.; now, the fear of my son having another crisis is weighing me down on a daily basis. I think I have lost my faith; I think I am no longer the strong woman I used to be.
How do I overcome this fear?
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