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Love is a strong feeling of emotions. I wouldn't call the crushes I had during my growth stage love, but rather infatuation as the emotions never exceeded two weeks.
My first real love was with someone that was fantastic in his own way. He was also the first male species I considered as a boyfriend.
We made memories, he was my first at almost everything love and relationship related.
Funny how I knew him also immediately after high school but never gave him an audience till my second year in the university. It wasn't that I liked the chase but because I wasn't ready emotionally, financially, mentally, physically and sexually.
The talking stage began on Facebook and then I finally gave him my number. We chatted on WhatsApp for a while, he then asked me out. Now, I was scared because I've never really felt the way I did for him. I was sure I wanted him as my boyfriend. Yet, I was weary of guys in general.
I finally made a decision to be his girlfriend but on the condition we see each other again since it was a while since we last saw each other. He accepted and we planned towards it.
Seeing him, I knew I wanted to date him. He was really tall and complimented my petite self, dark skinned, and he had dimples. That was the final conclusion as I've always had a thing for dimples, plus the butterflies I swear I felt in my tummy. I was sure he was the one.
The relationship lasted for a period of two years and seven months. It was beautiful. He was really a nice guy except when I was in my final year I noticed some traits I couldn't handle.
I was too naive to consider so many things before going into the relationship. While I was happy, I realized some things shouldn't be. I shouldn't always have to sacrifice my happiness and always explain myself. So many things were off as I matured and knew what I wanted in a partner.
My friends noticed it initially, but I was blinded by love and didn't listen to them. After graduating from the university, we lived in the same city and I got to know these traits would never leave him. I probably didn't notice earlier because it was a long distance relationship as we were in different cities.
The fear of starting afresh, of what people will say, of my mother because she really liked him,and so many thoughts kept me from ending it. I lost the vibes, I lost the zeal but I was still in the relationship.
When he started talking about us getting married and so much deeper commitments, I was not happy with that progress, neither was I sure I wanted to do such with him. As a matter of fact, I was scared of progressing to that stage with him. It then dawned on me that he wasn't my partner.
I finally made a decision to end the relationship with him on the 15th of October, 2018. It was a hard decision, one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. He was someone I had grown with.I was a mess that period and I'm really happy for my friends and family. They helped me through it.
Sometimes, I still had a little feeling that he could have changed. Maybe I rushed things off and all. All that changed when I met my present boyfriend. He taught me another aspect of love I never knew existed and I was glad I made the decision of leaving my ex.
Yes, my first love blossomed, it grew but it was never for me. I tried lying to myself but that is something that love should never get to.
I have no regrets whatsoever. In the long run, I realized it was a growth process. I learnt a lot, corrected my mistakes, worked on myself and I'm happy it went well. We do not talk to each other now, but it's definitely for the best.
