My Wartime Diary.. The Mysterious Russian Soul

in #mywartimediary3 years ago

Is there an ethnic group in the world that hates the nation to which you belong? Maybe your answer is yes. And what are they capable of in their hatred for your nation and state? Can you imagine that the hatred for your people is so strong that they can ... here you say - start a war. No, not at all.


Today, for the first time, there will be a post without my face. Instead, I want to share my thoughts and my pain, as a reflection of the face of russian war.

Now, after the liberation of many cities and people from invaders, there are videos of evidence and testimonies of survivors. There are telephone conversations of the occupiers with relatives in russia, intercepted by the our Security Service. These are all documented facts. The endless stream of pain mixed with hatred.

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author Vika Krokhina, 1st year student


Shootings of peaceful protest rallies in occupied cities. Shootings for holding the flag of your state.
Shootings of humanitarian corridors.

Robbery of humanitarian aid collected by volunteers for civilians. Antibiotics for the wounded, antipyretics, insulin, cancer patients. Shut-ins and their relatives who did not abandon them. There were those who abandoned and escaped, and survived.

Robbery. Total destruction. Undisguised, senseless, aimless, ruthless, just for fun.
Shootings for fun. Starving. Targeted hunting for teachers. Killing of pets and domestic animals. Destruction of museums. People who have seen this all ask the same question - why?! for what!?

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Photo from the town of Bucha. Source on FB

Firing squad of civilians, their hands tied.
The dead bodies of people who lie on the streets or in shot cars for many days. Or in the school yard. Bodies are mined.

Parts of children's bodies.
Elderly people shot.

Bodies of people eaten by hungry dogs in the blockade of Mariupol. This is not a figure of speech.
Hundreds, thousands of bodies covered with sand on the playground in the yard of his own house, with notes on date of death and name. Because sand is easier to dig. And these are not footage from the "Criminal Minds."

Raped women. Some of them were killed.
Shooting at the feet of fleeing girls. Soldiers are having fun.

Torture, keeping in cold basements at sub-zero temperatures, several days without food. Toilet right there. Vibrant stench, cold and unsanitary conditions.

Mined children's bodies, mined toys, mined pasta packaging.

Burnt bodies of the occupiers. With children's toys in the backpacks. What were they going to say to their children about these toys? Who will these children become when they grow up?

Why guess. Watch interviews with ordinary Russians. They openly call Ukrainians second-class people. Not only Ukrainians, but also Tajiks, Kazakhs, Uzbeks, Moldovans, and all indigenous peoples of their country. They never hid their disregard for the Americans or the Poles or the Germans. It's just that Ukrainians live closer and contrast the most. And the most disobedient, as it turned out. And they consider our territory their own. Why? They do not bother with arguments for these beliefs. They think so because their leader said so. Because they can afford to be.


Can such people be considered fascists? And the Nazis? What do you think?


Robbery, with the killing of civilians, is an official incentive. The main problem of the looting soldier is that the loot was not taken away by a senior officer. In order not to take risks, they send the loot from the territory of Belarus by express delivery service.

Burnt trucks loaded with washing machines, TVs, phones, tablets.

During telephone conversations, looters brag about their achievements to mothers, wives or brides. Their loved once listen without surprise, calmly, sometimes with pleasure, looking forward to see "gift".

"What is the size of our son's shoes? Oh, I think I found it."

The looters have opened a bazaar of loot in Belarus, this is their Tortuga.


Now imagine that this happened on the outskirts of the city where you were raised. In the city where you live today. On the streets of which you walk every day. How do you feel about the people who did this?

I gonna ask you. Do you believe in the success of negotiations with this ethnic group?

Do you believe that only Putin is to blame for the war?

The concept of "The Mysterious Russian Soul" appeared in the second half of the 19th century under the influence of the philosophy of the works of leading Russian writers such as F. M. Dostoevsky and L. N. Tolstoy. Their books, popular in Europe as well, were dominated not by the aesthetic (as in the West), but by the ethical principle, which satisfied not entertaining, but moral needs. russian wiki.


Afterword

I talked to a male colleague who is now in Germany. I don't know how he managed to leave Ukraine. Probably because he is still a citizen of Moldova. I recall, before the war he said that we do not value our freedom, which we have here in Ukraine. And yesterday he said that he feels a betrayer because he left. Although, he and his wife were really frightened. And I ... I also remember my fear. But that was another fear. It couldn't make me run away, but it made me angry. It was a new feeling for me. To say yes and let a loved once go to war without knowing what will happen to him or to me tomorrow. And to stay at home, completely alone, not fully understanding why. And a few days later I realized that I might be helpful. This is what helped me hold on - the realization that I could do something for people of country.


Today they said that the all Kyiv region has been liberated. One by one, residents return, small businesses starts working. In the first days it was really nice to see, and I was happy. And now I feel like a traitor. I'm useless here. Because I am safe, but the war is not over, and it must be ended as soon as possible! While I'm here, far from places where help is needed. It is very difficult to be safe and just look for something online and transfer money, and there is nothing more I can do. Probably the first time, I regret not being born a man...


Sort:  

Looks like multiple elements of the Russian Force that has been cut off already and on the west side of Kiev that entire element is in danger of getting trapped as well.

In the war time seems to take forever and personally I'm really shocked at the lack of true support and the late supporting of an invaded country with just small arms being sent.

However I do have to say that the Ukrainian farmers are an absolute amazing resistance force.

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There's been a lot of pain and sorrow however hopefully this can make a new chapter in human history.

May this end up forging a new peace.

What animals…

@tipu curate

Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 300/500) Liquid rewards.

!LUV

Страшна реальність. Як би не було боляче, з усим цим потрібно жити, робити висновки і жити.Жити за себе і тих, хто вже не може.

BOOM RIGHT FROM KHARKOV!

You're doing what you can, don't feel guilty. We in the West are doing something, but less than we can.

We're seeing gruesome images from Bucha, even worse than the one you showed here. What makes me feel hopeless for the future is knowing how deep this mentality goes, as you describe. I'll compare Russians indirectly with the Nazis, but I don't want to call them Nazis - it's not an ideology that makes them behave like animals.

The keywords are looting, imperialism and revenge. Looting: Russia is on paper a richer country than Ukraine, it has double the GDP thanks to oil and gas, so why are Russian soldiers stealing toilets? Why are they surprised that Ukrainian villages have streetlights? Well, the looting starts at the top. There must be a relation between the poverty of rural conscripts and the fact that a significant share of the world's superyachts is owned by Russian oligarchs. Now that only gas is exported to the west, this inequality is only getting worse. And the Kremlin is getting even more economic power over its people.

Imperialism: Anti-American people from the extreme left and right have a hard time understanding that there can be more than one imperialist nation. But you don't become the largest country in the world by accident. If Putin was replaced by Navalny, Russians would still believe they have the natural right to rule over a certain sphere of influence.

Revenge. Putin is taking revenge for the fall of the Soviet Union. He made it clear that he doesn't consider Ukraine a real country. The fear of NATO wasn't the reason for the war, just an excuse for Western audiences. What happens when he needs to admit defeat? Russians will want to take revenge again for this humiliation, which showed that their famous army, their only pride, was a paper tiger. This is the feeling that inspired some of the worst movements in history, including the Nazis who painted the German surrender in WW1 as a betrayal. And when they can't attack other countries, they'll treat citizens of Russia, probably ethnic minorities, like they're treating Ukrainian civilians today.

Agree with every word

As much as I want to understand it, it does not fit in my mind, much less in my reason.
The cover photo is the most devastating I've seen so far.
Strengths and take care of yourself.
Regards
Daiana.

Thank you, dear Daiana

Stay strong dear friend, your place in this war is being where you are. The Universe has given you this position for a reason. Be grateful and find the way to help, for example you are a great messenger, maybe this is the role that you have to play in this difficult reality.

Take care

This is so terrible
How can humans treat their fellow humans in such manner because of earthly perishables...
It's so sad to read all these

How's your Man Nick, hope he's fine?
His name pops up in my head whenever I see any post about the war In Ukraine, it was him and @priyanarc but Priya is safe now.. and I pray you and your family will be safe too

The universe will continue to guide you 😇😇

Hello, @khingstan . Thank you for your comment 🤗
Nick is okay. I could say his back hurts and he's tired but comparing to those who fight at zero line - he is fine.
These days, I think about the situation. Kyiv seems doesn't need so many defenders, and it is possible that they will be moved to eastern and southern areas where it is hottest now. And I'm worried Nick can be relocated too 🙄

And I'm worried Nick can be relocated too 

The universe is going to guide him continually as she's always done... And I commend your good effort, keep up the support. Our prayers are with you 😇😇

I hope you are ok. I hope Nick and everyone else is ok. Things are not getting easier, I'm so sorry. How are you coping?

Sorry to make you worried. I'm good, and I was going to make a post about me, and donation that was sent to me, but I just submitted report of NFT for peace usage, so I thing the next post will be tomorrow.

Hugs and !LUV

No need to be sorry, I'm human and still see what's going on. Worry means we think of you. You're doing a great job on these reports. 👍

Hugs back! !LUV

Beautiful friend. You really leave me speechless. So much pain in your story. But you are a fighter of life, a blessed woman who has done and continues to do great things. Don't be overcome with guilt, you are a great woman, the best is coming for you and your beautiful country. My great admiration for you. My humble support from here for all of you. I wish it was in my hands to do something, I can only give you my words of encouragement. I feel you as part of my life my friend. Kisses and blessings.💖

Whatever I say, wouldn't be enough to express my respect of all you are doing. You should not blame yourself, you are doing so much, you are showing strength and courage. You people, stand as one and defend you country from the aggressor. Something that deserves more than just a respect.
War is ugly, but this escalates in such monstrosity - civilans being killed, home destroyed and this is done on purpose. What sick minds can do that and feel it is all right?
Dear @zirochka, you have no idea how powerful your words are, how important is your blog.
Stay strong! 💙💛

There can be no just or valid reason for war, regardless of the reason, in an environment where people die and children hear the sound of cannon, while living in a world where war is in no way acceptable.

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Bang, I did it again... I just rehived your post!
Week 99 of my contest just started...you can now check the winners of the previous week!
!PIZZA
8

No I do not believe he is alone to blame, and have always said this to others...
And I also do not believe that it is possible for Russia to be a peaceful country, at all.
The thinking is messed up, I thought they changed - they did not...
☹️☹️☹️
I "Am" Happy Your still with us!
🙋🏻‍♀️👍🏼🤗👍🏼🙋🏻‍♀️
Go Ukraine!
👍🏼♥️🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦♥️👍🏼

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Наскільки це страшно - жити в такій ненависній картині світу. Це прогнилі душі. Як все це страшно читати, дивитись, але я мов сама хочу глянути на ті кадри і почитати слова очевидців, щоб на секунду не забувати, хто вони і що тут поблять. Нехай би швидше вони себе самі рятували!

Amiga how are you? Everything ok? How is everything going in your area? Please let me know... A big kiss and a big hug for you and yours. Blessings.💖

Hello @dayadam. I'm safe and sound. Air raids are rare, 3-4 daily, people start returning to Kyiv, though magor asks to hold on.
Thank you for your care 💙💛

Thank God that everything is going this way, I pray for you and for everyone so that this ends definitively. Thank you for letting me know that you are well, that reassures me, my beautiful friend. Take care of yourself and take a break. You have every right in the world to do so, you are a great woman, a woman who has given everything for her country and family, you have fought so hard.... Anyway, keep on letting us know from time to time how everything is going and how you are doing so we don't worry. Hugs, kisses and blessings sister. 🌈🌹💕

Don't let this survivor guilt take over you! You helped and are helping. Let me tell you that I know that feeling all too well. You are not out of the situation yet and there will be so much to do when the war ends. Ukraine needs to be rebuild and it takes people like you to help with that. You are not useless! Ukraine is facing a huge trauma, but you all stand together. At the frontline, as volunteers, as civilians.

I am speechless and please you are an inspiration for us so don't feel like this. The whole world is with you and we are with you. These predators will get punished eventually...Stay strong my dear... :(

#GlorytoUkraine...

I don't think any kind of nationalism, ethno- or otherwise, is healthy. I also think anyone with a healthy sense of justice must hate the State. It claims a monopoly in justice, but monopolies always produce waste and abuse.

No peaceable person should be compelled to submit to a government they believe is opposed to their interests. Ukraine as we know it today is younger than I am. Politics turns every dispute into a zero-sum game, and if there can be no compromise, it is time to split apart instead of continuing to fight. Maybe the Donbas region should be free to declare independence or change allegiance? As an anarchist, I favor secession to the individual level.

That said, nothing Russia has done militarily in the last month can be supported. Little news reporting I see seems trustworthy as I try to navigate the maze of propaganda assailing me from all sides, but military invasion is a supreme act of injustice. What Russia is doing to Ukraine is no better than what the US did to Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Somalia, etc.

Anyway, that is my 2¢.

Hmmm

Must have been something good if YouTube censored it.

Actually if you bothered to consider exactly how they have acted vs the US you wouldn't compare them so wantonly.

Following the news on a daily basis about Ukraine (also trying to help in various ways at the same time) EVERY single day of them I get at least once the following feeling:

This country has (among others) humane quality that is too impressive to be vanished. And that's why it won't. The liberating news around Kiev is music to my ears, we all have to brace for the battles in the East/South though as that's where the epilogue of this nightmare will be written. Can't send enough best wishes on that.

I see colourful pictures of Kiev and I feel ashamed that I've toured so many places on my bike but haven't been there yet. An older friend of mine told me "I've been there in 1991 but can't recall so many colours". I said "Of course you don't. Soviet didn't have much to offer other than shades of grey".

Your last line is so touching. If history was fair then you'd be winners from day one and Putin would be in a cage at public exposure for the world to see how Hitlers should be punished. But history is not because people aren't in the first place. However, regardless the outcome, you have already won impressive battles, you have totally won the communication game and you have well deserved won a great place in history and the hearts of people with more than 2-3 brain cells alive and a bit of soul. Ukraine will be an example for many generations to come. And it will be a superb one. Let's wish this insanity will end in the best way for YOU people of Ukraine.

You have my respect - I wish you peace and prosperity.

Fuck .. some macabre how are you doing? I live in Silesia, we have already welcomed over 2 and a half million people from Ukraine to Poland. There are many of them here, they are easy to recognize - they rarely smile. It's terribly upsetting. I would have beaten this Putin with an ordinary hammer - he is a murderer !!!!

Hello my dear friend. I keep thinking of you and wondering how are you, Nick and your family, what are you doing and how are you holding up. I've read a comment of yours about the emotional period of yours. It is ok, allow yourself to grief or let your emotions free as you've been holding them back for so long. You've been brave for more than a month now and you deserve a break.

I hope you can find balance and recover emotionally. We're here to support you! 🤗

Hello, dear Erika. I'm so happy to hear from you. Well, life goes on. Nick called today, he is worried... Nat is busy with preparation to her boyfriend's birthday (tomorrow). My mom isn't good. Her kidneys are almost failed. She made a lot of tests, some indicators are 3-5 times above normal. She lost more than 10 kg and almost stopped eating. The attending nephrologist prescribed new medicine, and cancelled some that she were taking. And appetite came back to her yesterday, for the first time for a long while.

I try to work, although I know I'm not good at it now. Besides, it's still terribly cold, +14 in my apartments, and I so much look forward for spring to bring some warmth.

I have read all posts and articles on my feed about the feeling of guilt and such, cried my tears, and hopefully feeling better. They say (and I agree) the only result that can satisfy is victory. Therefore, we are living in a "bad stress" now, and it's wrong to expect maximum productivity from yourself. Today, I saw an opinion of someone from US that war will lasts years, and felt cold horror. Then... I say to myself that they all were wrong in their expectations when it started, so maybe they are wrong now too.😨

Oh dear, so many bad news!!!! I'm so sorry to hear about all this. Your mom would need hospitalization and medical care most likely. I wish I could bring here here and you as well.

Today, I saw an opinion of someone from US that war will lasts years, and felt cold horror. Then... I say to myself that they all were wrong in their expectations when it started, so maybe they are wrong now too.😨

I'm very skeptical about this and don't think the war can last years. Russia doesn't have the resources to continue this madness for years. They were not able to take over Ukraine in a month and a half, have huge losses and no support from outside. What are they going to do? I don't believe that story or prediction. So I don't think you should be worrying about that.

Your mom would need hospitalization and medical care most likely.

She take pills and stays at home, so far. The doctor said she will need a surgery again, something about veins and arteries that are weak and bad, I didn't get it. Anyway, it's possible only after she gets better, and this is good because I don't know what to do about it right now. 😧

I don't believe that story or prediction. So I don't think you should be worrying about that.

With this (what you say) in mind, you have a point. Thank you for a positive opinion! You are my sunshine 💛
xo

You inspire me like no other right now. I have read this half a dozen times in the last two days, only to not be able to write on here, because what can I write that hasn't been said, thought, or even agonized by another?

I am without words.

You have risked all of yourself, taking up the hardship of being one of my best links to send donations, personally thanking each person, delivering supplies, and buying supplies. Take some time to grieve your own country and your personal losses. Spare yourself the guilt. Give to yourself instead of taking away. You owe yourself that. I am relieved that you can take a few moments to yourself and renew your soul, your personal self.

You have far exceeded what a person is expected to do. You still have a job and you are keeping the home fires burning for Nick. I am so inspired by you. I truly mean that. You have shown me what it feels like to have so much pride in oneself and your country that you are willing to give it all up. I salute you. You are indeed a Princess Warrior.

Love, hugs and prayers. xo

It was very difficult for me to write this post. Now it's hard to read the comments. I read and cry. Later, I want to write an answer, but I read it again, and I'm crying again.

Your words are very touching, and very wise as well. Probably, I do.need a time to grieve... You know, sometime I think that I don't feel anything, no feelings left. I see shooted cars, destroyed houses and looks like I don't feel the pain. And then I see it's not true.

By the way, do you remember my post where I wrote about broken windows of shops and looters? I found out it's not looters, it is consequences of shelling after all. People on upper floors restored their windows, and only ground floor where shops are were closed by wooden shields. Actually, I asked about looters. I don't know why it was so important to me. And I didn't find evidences, it was surprising because I remember my feeling when it seemed all adequate people has left, and those who didn't where either too old, or ill, or fringe groups.

Thank you so much for your wordst. Thank you so much 💙💛
xo

There is so much emotion in this post. Witnessing the brutality of other human beings is just....devastating. Frustrating. Scary. Overwhelming. I can't imagine how those robbers can sleep well at night knowing what they did, it is beyond my power of comprehension.

You have survived. It is incredible....you are such a strong person, I have nothing but admiration for you! Oh God bless all people who go through such horrible war times!

Thank you
xo

It took me a day to reply as it's very difficult to find the words. These are not humans, these are savages.

And now I feel like a traitor. I'm useless here. Because I am safe, but the war is not over, and it must be ended as soon as possible! While I'm here, far from places where help is needed. It is very difficult to be safe and just look for something online and transfer money, and there is nothing more I can do. Probably the first time, I regret not being born a man...

Please don't do that. You have no reason to feel like a traitor or to have survival guilt. Just think about how many people are alive because of your role in this war. The help Hive has sent to Ukraine has been possible because of you! You had and have a key role in this as otherwise the help would have not reached those in need. Your role is not over yet. Every city needs to be rebuilt and this action will take a lot of time. You've already done so much, so don't torture yourself. You can have a key role in passing on information that is needed, you already are part of the network. So please think about this and get those ideas out of your head! You are already a hero! Sending love and hugs and stay safe as always! 🤗💙💛

It took me a day to reply as it's very difficult to find the words.

Same here ( I couldn't find words for reply either...

Before, it seemed to me that my mental issues were minor, and maybe something would show up later. But I see that I was wrong... Feeling of powerlessness drives me crazy. I agree, it's wrong. I understand that I am doing something, but I really want to do more, because I can. I just don't know what 😒 I asked all volunteers I know here if they need me to help, but they say they have enough people.

!LUV
!BEER

Use your time to get rest and get better as I am 100% sure there will be things to do for you, they just need to organize things first. Now that Kiev has been taken back, I suppose the cleaning will start and reorganizing life again. Mark my words as very soon you'll find yourself busy again.

I certainly hope so 🖤

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