Sooo this isn't my first rodeo; I've actually read this book several years ago. Yet, considering how little I remember about it, the novel obviously couldn't have been very memorable to begin with (then again, it is a New York Times best-seller, ahyuck yuck yuck!).
What I do remember, is that this is basically Twilight-inspired smut. Now, Twilight I am quite familiar with 🤭 The first book was released in 2005, just in time for my raging pubescent hormones to kick in! And yes, to a certain extent, I do blame my "monster kink" on the series.
(Every time I try explaining this to people, it gets misconstrued. Like holy shit, I'm not a furry; I just enjoy fantasizing about scenarios that can't happen in real-life. If not 3D monsters, it would be acrobatic lol.)
((And just a quick sidenote: take care if you do decide to lurk through the 3D porn categories. Don't go down the rabbit hole! 😬))
Here is where the similarities between the two books abruptly end, and it is why 50 Shades of Grey does not have the same effect as Twilight. You cannot take a mythological character and try to incorporate it into a realistic human character.
For example, the entire reason Edward Cullen appeals to the audience is because of his mysterious and alluring nature, which comes to fruition once his dark secret of being a vampire is revealed.
And the secret is ultimately very satisfying and shocking. I tell ya, I wish I had been blessed with the opportunity to go into the book totally blind; by the time I had finally sat down with it, I already knew that Edward was a vampire, obviously 🙄😩 But what I wouldn't give to have experienced the reveal for myself...
Again, why a human character does not work. Christian Grey's character attempts to appear dark and mysterious, but the facade all comes crumbling down once it is revealed that his big, bad secret is BDSM? Like, seriously? 🙄 Where Christian's sex appeal ends, Edward's only begins -- like helloo? a vampire!? 🧛 The possibilities are endless...
(Source: https://www.yourtango.com/2016294152/10-fifty-shades-grey-quotes-jamie-dornan-scary-sex-quotes ) YES!! this is a REAL fucking quote!! 😭😭
So anyway, on my first night of reading this book, I managed to complete a fourth of it. I wanted to, at the very least, reach the very first sex scene so I could be reminded of what I was getting myself into again. And, to be honest, it wasn't disappointing. I quite enjoyed the vanilla sex (probably because I can relate! 😂)
That wasn't the problem with this book.
Do you want to know what the problem really was?! The problem was trying to read these passionate scenes through the inner monologue of a college virgin that was written by a senior citizen.
Because I never want you to forget that: when reading the 50 Shades trilogy, you are reading a 50-year-old woman's fantasies.
(First book was written in 2011 so she was 48. I was literally off by 2 years -- GAWD I'm good! 🤣)
But getting back on topic -- "his THING"?! "Deep down there," "my inner goddess," on top of the fact that everything is "delicious," Jesus fucking Christ, what are we, 15?? 🤮 Again, how this is a NYT's best-seller is beyond me.
These are literal quotes from the novel:
"He's my very own Christian Grey popsicle."
"My heated blood pools low in my belly, between my legs, right down there."
"The muscles inside the deepest, darkest part of me clench in the most delicious fashion."
"My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves."
I don't want anyone to get confused -- 50 Shades of Grey is literary garbage 🤮 Take courage in the fact that if this piece of crap got published not once, not twice -- but THREE times!, then so can yours 👍
Going back to the vanilla sex... Really good 👍 Personally I'm a sucker for nipple play, so needless to say I was a slip 'n slide by the time my husband got to me. I'll give the novel credit for getting me good to go.
Similar to the book, we also went twice in one go. It was great being able to try things from a new perspective; I just want to make my man feel good (and hear him moan, uggggh 🤤).
Which is why I don't understand why some people be complaining so much: when you stop resisting and just give in to wanting to please your partner, it's really not that bad lol 🥴
I am submissive in the bedroom, 💯. I don't see this is a bad thing, nor do I view it as a representation of my "worth" lol. It is simply what works best for my husband and I. Outside of the bedroom, I understand we each of our own strengths and weaknesses; in fact, there are several areas that I "surpass" my husband in. Again, why I do not view my role in the bedroom as a negative; I have worth outside of sex lol.
Here's the thing: despite what anyone will try to tell you, every woman has a praise kink, every woman wants to be called a "good girl" for giving some great head~ And there's nothing wrong with that: it's in our nature. Society's refusal to accept women's natural role is what has led to women now trying to be men, in every sense.
(Sorry, getting off topic; feminism was never my strong point 😬)
Yes, even the most demanding dominatrix will concede to the fact that she wants to be taken care of (and I know this because my roommate and best friend of several years was one 🤫).
There was one thing I happened to notice while reading: erotic literature seems to be one of the few things that still give me "pussy butterflies," for lack of better terminology. I don't know how men experience lust, but for women, it originates deep, deep in the pit of the belly, fluttering and pulsing until we can feel it in our clit. It's difficult to explain...
But I used to get it all the time as a young adult while first learning to navigate through my sexuality. From reading, from watching, from kissing -- even sometimes to simply imagining scenarios in my mind.
Now that I've "been there, done that," I've settled into my middle-age by accepting that I only get turned on via literature. And again -- don't know if that's the same for men, don't know if they get turned on by words.
Now, don't get the wrong idea: no woman wants Christian Grey. Trust me -- no sane woman wants Christian Grey 🥴 I think it's more so the fact that every woman wants her man to take initiative the way Grey does every once in awhile.
I've been trying to get my husband to initiate for years. The only way sex begins is if I give him head. At this point it's become habit, and it takes the spark out of the sport. We've known each other for 5 years, have 2 kids together -- how hard is it to take charge? 😅 Like shit, if my husband just took me while I was in the kitchen 🥵...
(Image created using an AI art generator on Night Cafe)
Like, a little bit of neck biting, some choking, nipple pinching, throat fucking... I want to be face down in the mattress, pinned down by his weight atop of me, hands gripped around my neck, thrusting into me over and over, telling me to take it, "That's my good girl" -- is that asking too much?! 🥺
But anyway!... That'll do it for this blog post. It's quite nerve-wracking to get something like this out there 😄 Hopefully this wasn't too too boring... Or too long either lol... In the meantime, thanks for reading and enjoy the week! 🙏
