For a while, at least.

My mom has a saying - turn it down and turn it off. It’s a good summary of my recent experience with the platform. I don’t know if I’d say I had a problem with it, but I certainly scrolled more than I would’ve wanted to, and while a lot of it was informational, it was just... just too much pressure. Apparently, there is such a thing as an overload of good information. And being exposed even to creators or mental health people was getting to be a bit much.

I had a public Creator type account from when I was trying to promote my writing through social media. It didn’t work out as I’d hoped, and since I wasn’t planning on upping my promo game in the next few weeks, I figured might as well go “dark” for a bit.

And then I deleted the app from my phone entirely ‘cause I wanted to eliminate the scrolling.

Cold turkey has been good for me in the past with social media. I also recently stopped visiting Facebook. That was the baby step to quitting Instagram, I suppose, since it wasn’t that big a problem. But they take up time and energy.

It freaked me out, realizing I didn’t remember what it was like not having an Instagram account. Like not having the app to fall back on in boring moments or to scroll lazily before bed or whatever. Again, it wasn't that I did it that much, but the possibility of it was at the back of my mind, ever-present, and I disliked it.
I didn’t join Instagram for a long time when I was younger, but then I did a few years ago. To keep up with friends and try to promote my stuff. It just spiraled from there.

The thing is, even when you know nobody’s really paying attention to you out there, you still craft a sort of imaginary audience for yourself. You have an instagram voice even if you’re nobody, by which you filter content. And that's a bit concerning to me.

Right now, there’s enough noise in my head about who I am without me having to worry about a social media ‘me’, you know?

It's scary, all these young people with zero idea of who they are just adopting this mass-produced identity that social media bestows on them.

Besides, I was just saying the other night how appealing the thought of disappearing for a while is right now. Well, cutting social media isn’t exactly disappearing, but it’s certainly fading yourself from public view a bit. You’re still there, just a bit less visible. Which suits me fine right now.

I don’t think I really need the validation of some rando liking my stories, or of sharing fifteen million snaps from my upcoming trip to Spain. But it’ll be good to not have that possibility to worry about.

Slow down, you crazy child And take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while It's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two

And just think, Billy Joel wrote this waaay before all this Internet stuff.

The terror of being unreachable

I realize (with horror) that it's become a social by-law that you are permanently within reach. No matter where and to whom. As long as you exist on social media, you're socially obligated by all these obscure laws. We all have an idea of what's good manners in terms of reply time and accessibility.

And the weird thing is, just as our social circle has broadened and diluted, so has our accessibility. Obviously, you have a few important people in your life to whom you try to be as accessible as you can. But suddenly, that's everyone on the Internet. We all want to be seen, acknowledged, connected. Which makes it all the more depressing that we live in a society that's less connected and more depressed than ever.

I find in myself this weird anxiety - what if so-and-so acquaintance is offended I don't reply? I have to remind myself, if they really need to reach me, they have alternatives. I'm still on Whatsapp and Telegram. And if they don't have those, chances are it wasn't that tight a relationship as to award them this level of availability in the first place.

I'm longing for looser connections. Less reassurance. For now, it will have to do.

Posted Using InLeo Alpha