..."Yes, it's simply true to say that 'all men are born free and created equal." John Ashley spoke loudly to his friend, Aaron Root, and Root nodded. "Aye, sounds exactly right. Thus no king can be born a king. Only a mere man." Ashley grinned, nodding. But Aaron spoke, "Yeah, but what about Catherine? The tsarina of Russia?"
John Ashley closed his eyes for a moment. "Hmm. Yes, there's no way a women could be born that's greater than a man either. No, women are in the same boat. Born free and equal, and not a speck greater than the rest. Hahah, I'm not going to see America ruled by a king, much less a queen."
Root smiled, in utter agreement. "Aye, it's clear that all people are born free and equal, and none greater than another. No divine right; no being born into power, and most certainly, no more monarchy. We shall do as the Romans did, and have ourselves a proper republic."
John Ashley nodded in agreement, "Aye, a republic where the laws are fair, the people are free, and where liberty and justice prevail for all people."
The year was 1780 and the state was Massachusetts. This was a gathering in the town of Sheffield, and the American Revolution against the British was in the middle of being fought. And the Americans were winning.
"Yep, and we know these truths are self-evident... hahah, because us Americans are absolutely CRUSHING the British and their king! Ahahahah! Truly free, truly equal, all of us. Ahahah every single one." John Ashley laughed again, raising his mug of beer to take another sip as the two men chatted.
Mumbet rubbed her arm, finishing up her cleaning duties. She had been washing and folding clothing all day, and her arms simply hurt. But there in the threshold, she heard all that chatter. She listened in quietly, completely unnoticed. But then she blinked. She nimbly walked towards her master, John Ashley, her eyes sparkling as she spoke.
"Well excuuuse me massah, but I heard ya'll talkin' so darn tootin' loud that my little ears couldn't help but pick up a thing or two ya'll just said. Namely, dat we're all born free, and created equal. Massah, if dat be true, just what makes me a slave, hmm?"
John Ashley looked up at his slave, his smile disappearing. "Wh-what? Shouldn't you be working?"
Aaron Root looked at John Ashley, his drunken grin unfading as he watched his friend deal with this. His grin becomes bigger as Mumbet goes on.
"I HAVE been workin', sir! Just finished the laundry, ya know. Tasks are done, house is clean, nuttin' left tah do. So I got a little free time, and wonder if ya could answer mah question."
John blinked several times, then looked to Aaron for help. Aaron looked back, a toothy, greatly amused grin on his face. Not even Aaron foresaw this, yet, the sheer level of amusement of just having said all that and then a slave walking in.... Whew, Aaron tried not to laugh, but a little titter helplessly burst out.
"Heh, sorry John, but this is your slave, not mine. Can't help ya here."
Mumbet put her hand on her hip and took a step forward, still looking intently at John, her master.
John had known Mumbet a long time, but only as a slave. He had never treated her badly exactly, but at the same time, he was her master and she was his slave. "Well, ummm. I mean, technically, according to the law and the property title, I do indeed own you, and you are indeed my slave."
Mumbet shook her head, "But massah, you JUST said that we are BORN free. I was born, ain'ts I?"
John blinked again, really not finding this very amusing, but also finding it incredibly hard to think of any explanation that wouldn't contradict everything he had just said. "Well, umm, er, Mumbet, I think it's simply true that we were only talking about kings and queens. Surely you will understand-" CRASH! The door flew open, and in marched one of John Ashley’s friends.
"Oi, John! John, good news. The British were routed in yet another battle. AGAIN!" It was Theodore Sedgwick, a young attorney, who at the moment was a tad drunk, but only a tad. "Anudder glorious victory for America!"
John Ashley, wiped his damp forehead, thankful for the interruption. If not for the sheer mental effort of having to absolutely contradict himself, he might have just whipped Mumbet, or perhaps just threatened to, but not even he could deny the obvious logic at hand. Instead, he tried to ignore Mumbet, looking to Theodore. "Oh that's wonderful news!"
Theodore grinned, nodding. "Aye, I for one am tired of feeling like one man is greater than another. To think that all those British people are HAPPY being utter slaves to their king. Pathetic! They ought to join us.”
John Ashley froze at the word slave. "O-oh surely it's not always so bad to be ...a slave. Uh, ...right, Theodore?"
Theodore shook his head mightily. "Ohhhh no, John, I'd rather DIE than be a slave! Freedom, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are quite literally the American dream! To be a slave to a king or any man at all is simply beyond tolerable!"
John Ashley bit his lip, the complete and absolute unhelpfulness of Theodore causing him to nervously glance at Mumbet quickly, the fierce lady standing right there, unnoticed by Theodore in the darkness. But a few steps later, she was standing right next to Mr. Sedgwick.
"Suh, yer one of dem lawyer types, huh?"
Theodore looked at the enslaved lady with surprise. "Well, yes. Of course. I go before a court and debate for the sake of truth and justice. That's simply what I do! Ahaha and when I'm done, I DRINK! Ahahah er, sorry. I mean, I have already drank enough for today, considering the victorious battle today against our oppressors."
Mumbet nodded thoughtfully, "You debate for truth and justice, huh? Would ya say it's true that we are all born free and equal?"
John quickly tried to intervene, before things got worse, "Oh, Theodore, my wife left some pie on the windowsill. Apple pie! Go ahead and eat it it! Uh, quickly, before it gets cold!"
Theodore grinned, "Oh no, I'm absolutely full from dinner. And ALL THOSE DRINKS! Ahahahahah."
John grimaced, watching Mumbet clear her throat right in front of Theodore. Theodore looked at Mumbet, nodding, "So uh, ma'am, whatzit you need from a lawyer, huh?"
Mumbet replied simply, "Well, I heard what's been being talked about around town, and just now, I heard my massah say that all men are born free and created equal! I'm not a dumb critter, sir. Won't the law give me my freedom?"
Theodore nodded, "Of cour- er... Oh." He caught the furious expression on John Ashley's face, and sheepishly grinned. "Well, I mean, perhaps it will. But ummm, it's not always that easy, you know. You see, it's not as if John here is a king! He's just a man like me, Aaron, or any other. So really, he does quite legally own you, of course."
John sighed in relief, finally feeling like someone was defending his right to property. Until Theodore spoke once more: "But you know ma'am, I figure there's a simple way to go about this. How about you become my client, and I your lawyer, and we have a proper case in a court of law, with judge and jury, and figure out just how free we all are, hmm?"
Mumbet nodded gratefully, "Aye, yessir, that sounds dandy to me, it does!"
John interjected quickly, "N-now wait just a moment here, Theodore, you know she can't pay you! There's nothing you can do for a client that doesn't pay!" Theodore shook his head. "Oh no sir, I don't need the money! I'm drunk ahahaha." John scowled. "That doesn't even make any sense!"
Theodore grinned, "Ahah don't worry, John, I'll do it out of the kindness of my heart. You and I are friends, and I’m happy to help out any member of your household. There's no need for you to pay me."
John's eyes bulged at the thought that he should PAY for this. "What! Of course I won't pay you!" Theodore nodded, "Yeah, 'cause we're friends ahhaha! I'll do it for free. Mumbet, meet me in a few days at the town courthouse. I'll get your case all set up. For free, of course! Ahah anything for the sake of liberty and justice for all! FOR FREEDOMMM!” Theodore grinned drunkenly, smiling at all three of them.
Mumbet grinned with delight, "Thank you sir! Thank you! I'll be there at the toll of the bell."
Theodore nodded, swaying a little, then looked around, "Uhh, where did you say that apple pie was...?"
John shook his head, feeling darkly confused, and looked at Aaron as Mumbet went off to her quarters to sleep.
Aaron grinned back, then burst out laughing, this entire situation ironic beyond anything he had ever seen. "Ahahaahah oh my gosh holy lord in heaven what the hell was that! Ahahah Theodore, you goddarn bastard you, do you even know what you just did?"
Theodore smiled, then looked nervously at the fuming John Ashley. "Uhh.... Heh. Well, I certainly will keep my word and plead her case to the judge and jury. But surely it won't be so bad! Uh, right, John?" Theodore's mouth chomped into the slice of apple pie he had found, savoring it greatly as John put his face against the table,
"Theodore you sonofabitch you really just HAD to do that, huh?" John Ashley sighed loudly, sneaking in a quick sip of beer as his head lay on the table. His eyes scrunched up tight as he cursed Theodore for his impetuousness.
Aaron Root giggled, getting up from the table. Night had fallen, and he yawned, stretching as he got up. "Ahhh, well, I really ought to be going ahah. What a lovely dinner heheh." Theodore nodded, "Yes, I'll be going too now! I only popped in to share the good news of another small victory. Anyways, have a nice night, John!"
Theodore and Aaron waved as they went out the door, leaving John Ashley alone to fume, his mind filled with contradictions and falsities. But also hope and dreams of liberty.
Such was life during the American Revolution.
