I have spent the last decade of my life with an ever increasing obsession on the damage humans do to other sentient beings on this planet, trying to minimize my own damage and increase my inner focus so that I can have the power to make transformations.
Today I walk through cities of a foreign land, totally powerless and at the mercy of God, who currently assumes the form of that society I rejected so much.
Actually, this is a false statement, I am not powerless. My values and ways of facing situations remain the same. However, there are obvious restrictions as to my individual freedom of changing things in this environment.
It doesn't matter much though. I think I said I was powerless because I don't really feel like exercising power. I feel so comfortably numb just drifting around and not caring much about the fate of the world.
There was so much tension in me when I would wake up in the forest thinking of all the things that still needed to be done and the depressing thought that it would take many more years to get them all done without using modern tools.
A part of me knows I will go back to that life. Right now I have caught some disease and miss badly the space I had to connect with the medicinal plants and take the time to heal in silence. I am seeing value in what I was doing from the perspective of how good it was for me, instead of how it could transform the world.
If I was to return to such a lifestyle I wouldn't do it for political reasons any more. I would do it for my own well-being and nothing else. Also, I would do it only if I learn to be a great builder that can lift up shelters and sheds very quickly with natural materials.
Yes, it's still important for me to use natural materials. It just has a different energy.
It would also be important for me to be in a place with abundant sunlight. So many times, when I felt low on energy in the forest I would say to myself: "it's not ideal but this is what life gave you so make the best of it". I was wrong, we don't need to settle because this is a vast planet with vast opportunity.
Anyway, the images are of the fields outside Maringá. All monocrop of soy and corn. Ecologically sad, visually beautiful. I can't do much about the damage so I guess I'll just enjoy the scenery for now.
