Hello Everyone!
An old dog passes away, A house burns, A screaming neighbor & Hurricane Helene
This is a collection of posts that I made to a legacy social media site because I had to use it for doing disaster relief work and I did not have access to my computer to make posts to Hive.
It has been a really rough ride and I think that anyone with half a heart will see why once they delve into these entries.
I will do my best to get back to my usual posting routines but honestly I am still struggling with a lot of grief and trauma so who knows how that will work out.
September 11 at 6:20 PM
Good Girl has returned to the long dream after a good long life, countless adventures with her daddy in the woods and having lived up to her name throughout our entire time together.
September 13 at 10:40 AM
I'm really not dealing well with the loss of my elder dog. I am constantly finding myself torn between sadness over her passing... and varying degrees of hostility towards my bad neighbors for making the bulk of her last days a living hell.
I know that I should let myself unwind, play some music and allow myself to grieve... but when it comes down to it I cannot even afford (nor prioritize) buying the supplies such an act would require.
Having spent almost every waking moment of the last twelve odd years with her I knew that her passing would weigh on me. What I didn't quite grasp was the depth of that weight.
September 17 at 5:12 AM
I've been in shell shock the last few days but need to word this down some so that I can get it off my mind.
Two days ago I woke up in the wee hours of the morning (like I routinely do) and after brewing some espresso, taking care of some correspondences and more or less soaking up the silence... things got spooky fast.
I have to gloss over some of the details but in essence... there was a big explosion and I found myself sprinting full tilt uphill with my phone in one hand with my muck boots chaffing at my ankles due to not having had time to put my socks on.
Before I reached the top of the hill I had already determined that the popping sounds that I was hearing was a very large fire.
Once I actually reached the point on the hill where I could see what was going on it looked like there was a massive forest fire directly above my place only a few thousand feet away.
By the time I called for emergency services, hung up with them, went to alert my neighbor of the scenario and made it back to my vantage point the fire had nearly tripled in size.
Without getting into too much detail over the terrain and such... in short the dead end road that I live on has a bit of a horseshoe shape (and although I didn't know it at the time) the other end of the horseshoe is directly uphill of me where I was seeing the fire at.
My view was mostly unobstructed due to a long driveway that gave me a nearly perfect view of the fire. That same driveway (and the combination of the trees and terrain) were also funneling the sounds straight at me downhill which honestly was quite chilling because I soon heard folks screaming as well as what sounded like an incredible amount of small explosions that I later learned was someone's stockpile of ammunition.
At that point I began to question my idea that it was a forest fire but knew that even if it wasn't one at the moment... that it sure could turn into one quickly given all the drought conditions, cool weather, low humidity and the poplar trees having been dropping leaves for the better part of the last two weeks.
Anyways, rather rapidly a sheriff department cruiser pulled up and I was able to point to the fire, explain that I was unsure if it could be gotten to via the driveway I was standing at and that yes there was a house at the end of the driveway between us and the fire.
Honestly, at that moment I was almost overwhelmed by the events that were unfolding (due to factors that I am leaving out) but was super relieved that said cruiser made a bee line down that driveway.
Seconds later the cruiser was reemerging and heading off further uphill along the dead end road. I am unsure of the exact exchange but in short I learned that the fire couldn't be accessed from that driveway even though it sure looked like it could be. Again I cannot quite recall the exact exchange but I told the officer that I would keep anyone else from trying to take that route to the fire.
I really felt bad for having pointed the cruiser down the driveway knowing that with any kind of fire response every second matters. The thing is though is that going up the actual dead end road it is a very steep slope that takes a heck of a lot of time to traverse and if that driveway was a shortcut then the time difference (in driving) would be around a whole minute if not more.
The other thing is that given the view of the fire that the driveway accommodated... nearly every inbound emergency response vehicle would probably slow down, consider that route and ultimately lose the momentum they would need to get up the very steep incline of the road itself.
Since it was all a clustercuss just waiting to happen I decided to stand at the driveway with my back to the inbound traffic and vigorously motion for them to continue uphill along the road. Hearing one vehicle after another accelerate faster after seeing me was a good feeling because like I said seconds matter when it comes to fire.
While I stood there directing folks further uphill, that neighbor (that I first roused) headed off to wake up some other neighbors and out of the three that he got to only one was already awake and aware of there being something going on.
Once the fella returned, I learned that it was actually a house fire and he was successful at contacting the neighbors whose places he had visited. Part of me was relieved that it wasn't the two acre forest fire that it looked like from my vantage point... while a whole other part of me was overwhelmed by the sadness of the tragedy unfolding before me.
It was long after dawn when I finally abandoned my post and ambled up the road to see 'what was what' and if any of my good neighbors up there had lost their home or needed any assistance.
Basically I showed up just in time to learn that other than a dog perishing no other lives were lost. Apparently the owner had been able to save all four of their children, their spouse and their guard dog which by all accounts is commendable.
There is a lot to that whole story that does not sit well with me... and it is absolutely worth noting that since I was not there I really do not know what happened... but when it came right down to it (from what I could gather from folks that were there) that lone dog got left to burn while the fella tried to save his trucks.
All that aside, the moment that I was standing in front of the smoldering rubble... and learned that a dog had passed... I had to hang my head to stop the tears from welling up. Which wasn't super hard to do because (although I had just days before lost my elder dog) a sort of rage began brewing in me as part of my mind began putting all the pieces together of what all had happened.
Maybe 'righteous anger' would be a better term than 'rage' but in that particular moment they were one in the same. Either way I was incredibly relieved that the 'heroic' fella had already been whisked away because given all the factors (that I am not including here) the fire was absolutely avoidable, the dog had been intentionally left behind (or not thought of at all) and the reckless actions that lead to it all... could have lit this entire hill up like a Christmas tree had there been even the slightest breeze.
Needless to say I spent the rest of my Sunday in a bit of shell shock with my already stressed PTSD triggers even further exasperated and my already weary coping mechanisms leaving me struggling to simply feel 'okay' let alone actually get anything done.
All day long I grappled with who to talk to but just couldn't burden anyone with it given how much I have already been dumping stuff on folks over all the madness that I have encountered during my brief three and a half month stay here. Eventually, it ate me alive to the point where I had to talk to someone so I turned to my mother over it, was able to express what had happened and how I felt about it all... find some semblance of peace and fall fast asleep in short order.
Yesterday was slightly better than the day before when the fire happened but truthfully I was feeling rather dazed and kept spacing out (while in the middle of doing stuff) to stare off into the distance thinking my ponderous thoughts until I could come back to my senses, try to recall what I was doing and if not go busy myself with something else.
If anyone is curious, I am fine at the moment and other than tearing up and crying a few times yesterday there has not been much in the way of that super intense righteous anger that I had been feeling on and off the day before.
Generally speaking, I would save this kind of sharing for my writing... but that has been really hit or miss here for reasons that I have clearly expressed before. While I know that many of you have all the attention span of a 'gnat on a high wind' I also know that is not the case for some of you... and that you actually know me well enough to know just how heavily everything was already weighing on me here... and what something like that fire (and especially the dog burning alive in it) would do to me.
Short story long and long story short... if anyone feels like reaching out to me over the coming days please do it because yeah I could use every scrap of 'good cheer' that I can find at the moment.
Well, this was interesting to type out on a phone and while I should probably edit it first I am going to simply share it before I can change my mind about doing so.
Be good to yourselves, each other and all living things and I will keep doing the same.
Much Love, Respect, Admiration and all that feel good jazz.
September 22 at 9:34 AM
Remember everyone there is no work to be done on Sunday. The same goes for late day on Wednesday. No noise making during either the early afternoon or late afternoon because those are napping and reading times respectively.
Dogs are not okay to behave like dogs... especially if they are doing their job. Loud music medium loud or quiet music in any form is expressly prohibited... especially any of that 'black' music.
Gunshots, explosions, voices raised in anger and extremely loud and ugly domestic disputes are all a-okay. Now do what I say of you to do on your land and be happy about it.
P.S. Complementary shoving of political and religious narratives down your throat... at no extra charge or expense.
I knew that I would have to jump through some hoops when bootstrapping a farm... but damn I had no idea that it would involve so many damned infringements upon my ability to live my life as I see fit!
Oops I forgot to include the equally complimentary dishes of misogyny, homophobic inclinations and good ole general xenophobia with a dash of entitlement topped with a garnish of sketchy fundamentalism.
September 26 at 4:32 AM
Three days of rain so far here in east Tennessee. Not really looking forward to the actual storm arriving over the next few days.
At least I am 'high and dry' up on a hill. Really glad that I had the wisdom to leave all the vegetation (that I could) intact during my stay here... and have stuck to using the existing game trails.
Even though all my poplar poles (that I just harvested) are getting wet... the shavings that I made during the de-barking process have been perfect to mitigate the slipperiness of the terrain by spreading them along the main pathways.
As for the poplar poles... they are not a total loss since they will still work fine for bracing, scaffolding and finishing the build of the drying rack slash coffee bar.
More often than not my journey here has been excessively challenging and the myriad of stressors have nearly broken me a few times... yet here I am... persisting in the most uncomfortable and downright hostile place that I have ever occupied... totally unconcerned... absolutely unimpressed... and cool as a fucking cucumber... so go figure!
September 27 at 6:48 AM
Buckle up mountain folks. It is going to be a long day. Y'all stay safe and keep pulling together in a manner that befits the seriousness of the scenario.
September 28 at 6:35 AM
Many of you already know this but Western North Carolina was hit really hard by flooding and all major roads into Asheville are inaccessible.
Cellular coverage is down for the most part but if you are in that area... and you have signal... you can text 911 if there is an emergency.
Fuel, food and all other supplies are dwindling and the only way in or out currently is by air.
Unsure on how to help folks there aside from offering a place to park if you or someone you know needs somewhere to go.
Keep your head on a swivel as folks begin growing desperate for the supplies they need.
Y'all stay safe and above all else calm! Try to get word out to your loved ones if possible and let folks know how they can help.
September 29 at 1:18 PM
My three golden rules for survival scenarios are: Everything is a resource, situational awareness is key and do not take unnecessary risks.
October 1 at 10:20 AM
Facebook you heartless mfers quit pushing ads and suggested posts to people in disaster areas. You are wasting their time and precious bandwidth in a dire situation when your garbage platform is the only way that they can gain information, contact loved ones or get the help they need.
October 1 at 6:17 PM
I've been pulling roughly eighteen hour shifts a day since Friday doing my best to help folks in the disaster zone and I gotta say... it is intense.
I never thought that all those years of repeatedly dealing with various kinds of loss, trauma, shock, grief and stress would lead me to having a passionate desire to alleviate it in others but here I am. Y'all be good to yourselves and each other.
October 2 at 6:24 PM
Fantastic work everyone. Your love is pouring like a fountain from the mountains. Pace yourselves please because it is gonna be a long haul.
October 3 at 11:41 AM
Let me spell this out to folks in a clear and concise manner.
We are seven days into a massive search, rescue, recovery and humanitarian aid scenario where untold amounts of people and places are strategically unreachable.
If you want to prioritize political narratives, conspiracy theories or any other horseshit that slows, interferes with or otherwise distracts from the sole focus of saving human and animal lives... then go to fucking hell and get the fuck out of my way.
Hard mother fucking stop!
October 5 at 3:16 PM
I want to point out that Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee and West Virginia all have their own disaster zones inside the larger DZ.
Many of those places also need help, donations and resources.
So just because someone cannot help in WNC it doesn't mean that they cannot help at all.
October 5 at 3:45 PM
Sometimes when I fall apart I pick up the pieces and put them back together... and sometimes I leave them where they fell... but I always keep moving forward with or without the pieces.
October 6 at 9:20 AM
For those asking: Yes Facebook is the absolute worst platform to utilize during such a disaster but here we are! Thanks for wasting everyone's time and limited bandwidth with ads, suggested posts and an incredibly terrible user interface you heartless goons!
End rant...for now. I love y'all!
October 6 at 10:28 AM
You have been telling people that this is the Eleventh Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered…
Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for your leader.
Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, “This could be a good time! There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.
And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word ’struggle’ from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
--Hopi Elders' Prophecy, June 8, 2000
October 9 at 4:36 AM
Things have been a slog to get the scenario in the WNC DZ to the point that it currently is at... and yes there is assuredly much more slogging ahead to come over the coming weeks, months and years.
No one asked to be here. No one wanted to be here. Yet, here we are.
The various timelines (and lack of timelines) before much of the infrastructure can be rebuilt can seem discouraging... but unless you are familiar with critical infrastructure the nuances of why that is the case might be elusive to you.
In short. Much of the infrastructure needs to be rebuilt from scratch (or heavily repaired) and due to its interconnected nature... there are not straightforward 'fixes and timelines' available.
Until the extent of the damage is understood and restoration plans are made any speculation on the matter (in regard to timelines) is sheer guesswork.
My suggestion is that folks stay focused on the day to day practical stuff, how you can help each other... and how everyone else can help you.
This means reaching out to each other, asking for help or guidance when it is is needed... and graciously offering the same to others.
Many folks have understood the seriousness of the matter at hand from the beginning. Others do not so please be gentle on them.
The ongoing scenario of new daily disasters... combined with the challenges of navigating today's problems... whilst preparing for tomorrow's problems... is not going to change anytime soon. It is best to be honest with yourselves and others about that.
Thankfully, many folks have taken it upon themselves to self-organize, collaborate together... and help with not just saving the lives of those still stranded at thirteen days into the scenario... but to also tend to their own well-being as well as those around them.
I cannot stress to folks enough that 'search and rescue' operations are still ongoing and that if you are not helping with those efforts... then please stay out of the way.
If by any chance you grow aware of folks who are endangering or hindering either the search and rescue, recovery or restoration efforts... then please kindly nudge them along so that they are not in the way of saving human and animal lives.
If they refuse to be so 'moved' then contact any form of official personnel, service members, law enforcement or the National Guard and there will be found a way to deal with things as fast as humanly possible.
If you cannot find anyone else to contact then please feel free to either contact me directly... or have a mutual friend do so. I will then do my utmost to get the proper authorities to assist you or try to mobilize friends to your location.
I know that many folks get spooked out about dealing with various kinds of personnel and officials... but honestly they should get over it... because every pair of 'boots on the ground' are on your side... and ready to help and render assistance as needed.
Most of them are struggling with the same things others are and also call the area home. In other words, they are also your neighbors... and I encourage you to keep treating them as such.
Currently the overall focus should still remain on the search and rescue operations being done in the hard to reach places.
That being said though, it takes a massive support network along with a workforce to help keep the entire region limping along each day and to continue making restoration progress. So my advice is that if you are not somehow contributing to the scenario... then please find a way to leave so that your actions (or inaction) is not a strain on the system.
Clear communication is key and the validity of what is being communicated is vital. Prioritizing clear communication in every interaction can not just save lives... but also not waste the folks who are 'saving lives' time or resources.
In regards to getting assistance, requesting helpers, machinery, supplies or anything else please have a name location (address or GPS coordinates) and a contact number along with the time frame you need the request met.
If something is requested and you do not follow through on your end... either with the necessary details (noted in the previous paragraph) or fail to be at the delivery point (or have someone there for you) then please contact the last person that you were in touch with... and figure out how to rectify the situation without wasting anymore of anyone's time.
If you are making a request and told to contact someone else and/or given someone else's contact then it is up to you to follow through. Please do not pester folks with your requests after they have already passed you the person who can actually help you's details.
Sure, ping back to your original point of contact if you followed protocol and your needs were unmet... but only after you have done your part to contact the person that can actually help you.
I know that a lot of folks have a lot of needs right now... but please try to plan on getting things ahead of when you are going to run out of them. That way the stress of 'running out' can be avoided. It also just alleviates anxiety from all parties involved which yeah no one needs more of at the moment.
Y'all be well.
October 10 at 3:26 PM
Progress is ongoing and nuanced. We are continuing to focus on reaching everyone that is in the most remote locations or at the bare minimum get them resources and aid.
Thanks everyone for doing what y'all do.
October 11 at 5:46 AM
If you know of folks that live in the back country (or any area that is inaccessible) please reach out.
My primary focus is rescuing and/or getting those folks aid... but I also simply need contacts in the more remote areas.
Our SAR and material goods support teams can be most effective when the information passed to them is verified and a local contact is available.
I know that it is a challenging scenario but please try to be patient, clear and to the point when communicating with our teams... so that the aid and assistance process is not hindered by miscommunication, hysterics or too much speculation.
Please keep in mind that most of us have been putting in between fourteen to twenty hours a day every day for the last two weeks in an effort to save as many lives as possible.
Rudeness, pushy behavior, meanness and bad behavior in general... on your part... will land you on my short list of folks that I will need to have a private chat with.
Believe me when I say that my tolerance for horseshit is currently at an all time low... and the moment you hinder either ongoing operations... or make the life of my teammates more difficult... is the moment that you are no longer part of the solution.
There is a lot of work ahead to return things to any type of normalcy... but for the moment please keep in mind that there are still folks stuck out in the woods and getting to them takes precedent over all other things.
Y'all be good to yourselves and each other and I will continue doing the same.
October 13 at 12:18 AM
The first and last thing that I think each day after waking up and just before falling asleep at night is:
"There are still folks stuck out there in the woods."
I do not think that my life can move forward in any way, shape or form until I no longer have that sentence at the forefront of my mind.
October 13 at 1:56 AM
It is sixteen days into the ongoing operations of helping to provide all aspects of aid and resources to those within the WNC DZ... with the sole burning focus of finding those still stranded... and helping the most remote and underprivileged areas first and foremost.
To say that it has all been a slog is at this point an understatement... and yes even had I known the extent of the scenario when stepping into it... I would have done nothing different.
In other words, it is all an immense undertaking and while some folks have found their lives merely 'inconvenienced' most other folks have had their lives totally appended... and are hanging on by a fingernail... whilst even others... are still unaccounted for not just in the back country but all over the WNC DZ.
There are many of us who stopped our lives entirely so that we could aid everyone to the utmost of our abilities... and although we have done tremendous work (to get the scenario as stabilized and functional as it now is) we also have our own lives to take care of. I am not asking for anything here on anyone's behalf but if you want to be supportive please do not forget to help those facilitating the support pouring into the entire region.
Most of the folks pulling eighteen hour or more shifts per day (for sixteen days straight now) are teetering towards burnout in my perspective... due to stress over their own financial situation combined with all the heart-breaking and gut-wrenching stories that folks witness or experience in real time... due to ongoing search and rescue efforts, accidents and all the communication necessary to make things happen.
For those that haven't begun to absorb the full picture of the impact inside the WNC DZ... let me please inform you that those who have witnessed it... all over the region... have not once conveyed less than it being dire and grim.
Personally, I think folks should treat it all as the ongoing disaster that it is... and with the caution that such a hazardous scenario merits.
In other words, go slow, take your time... and be patient while navigating through the rubble and all the work being done to get some basic functional infrastructure in place.
Everyone's collective efforts are shaping a better world for everyone there... and as long as folks stay on mission... we can hopefully find the remainder of the stranded... before winter... and get folks setup to hunker down through what is going to be a very long many months ahead.
Y'all be well.
October 15 at 7:19 AM
We are eighteen days in now with our efforts in the WNC DZ and I gotta say that the task ahead is daunting.
I know that folks are hitting a wall with dealing with everything (or at least I know that I am) but for this to all work and for folks to be sorted out before the winter... we have to just keep pushing forward and solving complex problems with simple solutions.
The lack of available storage for donations and direct aid in the form of material resources has been a challenge from the beginning and is still one of the largest hurdles to be overcome if we are to make everything work out in a timely fashion.
I am unsure on the path ahead with that particular problem but I have considered everything from installing prefab metal barns (insulated with spray foam) to using decommissioned grocery stores, closed schools, large pre-existing barns or even using sheds, shipping containers and tractor trailers to create the necessary storage.
Most of the places where the storage is needed the most (aside from for distribution hubs in larger towns) is in the back country and honestly from many of the pictures that I have seen... there just is not anywhere among the debris large enough to create new storage in 'public' areas.
All of which has lead me to trying to wrap my head around the problem of how to get enough supplies staged in the more remote areas before the roads begin icing over and the already dangerous and damaged roadways become truly hazardous to traverse.
Of course that is just one of many challenges that have got to be solved but at the moment (aside from finding those who are still stranded) it is one of the largest problems that needs a good solution.
As for finding folks who are stuck out in the woods all that we can do is keep cutting our way deeper into the woods, talking to folks to find out who is missing… and doing whatever it takes to get to those folks in the most remote locations with aid.
Ya'll keep pacing yourselves and doing the good work.
October 17 at 6:42 AM
At twenty days into staying fully focused on relief efforts for inside the WNC DZ... I gotta say that once you learn the true magnitude of the destruction, loss and utter devastation in the region... there is just no turning back to holding simpler views again.
Personally, I have been forcing myself to look beyond the physical impact on the infrastructure, the waterways, the ecology, the environment and all that jazz... because the human need for aid is so strong currently. Eventually, I know that I will have to absorb the impact upon those other 'things' but for now even 'absorbing' the impact it has had on myself, friends, loved ones, friends of friends... and total strangers... is all I can reasonably bear.
None of that is to say that I have not pondered those things... but I can only navigate so many rabbit holes in a single rabbit warren at a time... and there are plenty of twists and turns that are already difficult to stomach in this endeavor. In many ways the initial disaster event set off a series of other disasters (and accidents) that is still ongoing... and been in dynamic motion this entire time.
Knowing the workload that it takes to get by each day without running water (or usable water) and the struggles of needing food, warmth, shelter and meeting my baseline needs each day... I am amazed that so many folks adjusted so well to it in such a rapid fashion. It is assuredly a 'way of living' that does not leave much room to be 'taking things for granted' nor is it made easier by a lack of routines or self-discipline... and yup it takes plenty of focusing solely upon what the real priorities are just to get by.
Forced adaptation does a lot to a person's psyche... and trauma, shock and sadness can be real inhibitors to moving forward... especially when coupled with grief. There just is no easy way to deal with all of that... besides being gentle on yourself, each other and all living things... so that over time love and kindness can work their magic and aid in healing what needs healed.
Morale truly is your best friend in this moment... and even if you have to bullshit yourself... or pat yourself on your own back... to build up your morale... do it! That stuff tends to be contagious and in a somber landscape, in an almost surreal time... friendly faces, kind gestures, shared mirth and laughter... have been what has been making all the difference.
There is no clear path with many of the obstacles ahead, as autumn grinds on towards winter... because lets face it no one in our lifetime has been in this scenario before. Most of what lies ahead is going to have to be figured out along the way... but for now folks should be envisioning the challenges that winter is going to directly present them with... and do as many preventative measures... and as much preparation as they can now while the weather still holds.
I would like to leave everyone on a high note by saying that those folks that have risen to the occasion at hand... have been monumentally inspiring and uplifting for me every step of the way. If there was ever a time when 'lighthouses of peace' were needed this is it... and ya'll are doing fantastic!
Keep doing the good work and I will keep doing the same.
October 20 at 7:35 PM
It is now twenty-three days into the ongoing relief efforts in the WNC DZ... and although I have had to take a step back the last few days (to tend to my own life) I have been doing my best to stay abreast of everything going on.
There is still the ongoing issue of sufficient storage... not just for donations... but also for folks personal belongings... and in many cases their business's, art or other assets as well. I still think that creating the necessary storage is the only feasible route... but honestly it would be better to focus any 'building projects' towards building much needed housing for folks.
Having been living in a tent on the side of a hill since late May of this year... with little in the way of infrastructure aside from electricity and dodgy cellular internet... I gotta say (yet again) that camping gets old fast. The funny thing is that even the simplest of shelters... makes for quite the improvement... even if the only thing that has really changed is having a roof over one's head. Not to mention it makes dealing with the weather so much easier.
Anyways, the volunteer forces are still going strong... but most of them are in need of a break or at least a significant lightening of their load. Relentlessly grinding on just because there is no one else to do the job... is often a recipe for burnout and in many key places other folks need to start stepping in (and stepping up) so that those folks currently shouldering the workload can tend to themselves.
During the first two weeks of everything I did not feel like I could take a full breath given the scale of the calamity... and so many folks being in dire need. Well, at this point... I can at least take a full breath again... and not feel some kind of panic creeping in from the edges over not doing enough... regardless of how much I have/had done.
I am sure that many others either have felt... or still feel... something akin to that and all I can say is that it eventually gets easier to bear... even if it does not necessarily get better. The way that I see it... is that... as long as I give it my best each day... I have given it enough.
At this phase of things there is a lot of work to be done... and heading into the future I hope that folks are pacing themselves for the long haul. It is going to take a tremendous amount of effort simply to get aid and resources to the folks still in need... let alone get everyone both ready for... and through... the winter ahead.
A big part of preparing for the winter is getting as much of the storm debris out of the way of (and away from) the roads and public areas. Basically, I think that reducing the hazards the debris pose long before the snows start and things start icing over is a wise move.
Another thing worth focusing on is making sure that folks have safe access from their dwelling to the nearest road or their driveway. Simple hand rails or even rope guide-lines would suffice in many places and could help reduce further accidents from occurring.
On a different note, I am still waiting to see how the wood lot and workforce camping projects turn out and can hopefully focus on them more soon if need be. If they go as well as the water projects have been going... then I will be happy... because they have been doing awesome regardless of the challenges of trying to source so much water for so many people every day.
Well, I could add more but am going to keep it short and sweet. Ya'll hang in there and keep doing the good work and I will keep doing the same.
October 22 at 6:56 PM
Some folks are mourning the loss of so much of real value while others simply mourn the temporary loss of their opulence. Know the difference between the two!
October 23 at 4:02 PM
At twenty-five days in I gotta admit that it is time to get back to my own joke of a life... which I unceremoniously stopped paying attention to when all this started.
Perhaps I would still be willing to invest long hours each day if I didn't have to sully my mind with endless scrolling through ads, suggested posts and all the trash pushed on folks by this platform. Not to mention the digital nanny aspect, the broken features and the terrible user interface.
It is really neither here nor there but web2 in general is trash and there just isn't any means of fixing it. Hence, why I've spent so many years of late using web3 which as a convenient bonus also helps me earn a living off my content... instead of being exploited for it, tracked, targeted for advertising and having my private data sold to the highest bidder.
In short the absurdity of having to scroll through thirty items in my feed to see one item from a friend (or group) is a staggeringly inefficient use of time when the goal is to help those in (often desperate) need. Then to compound the annoyances... having the post disappear... or the feed refresh on it's own... is just a recipe for neurotic behavior and endless aggravation.
So, what does all this mean going forward would be the question. To be utterly clear I have no plans on stopping with assisting folks how and where I can... but I cannot do it the way that I have been doing it. I will still peruse my personal feed and the groups but nothing to the extent to which I have been doing it.
The best way that I can see in helping going forward is by continuing to directly message folks and correspond via phone when possible. There are several ongoing projects that I want to keep tabs on... and folks that I have grown fond of communicating with... so please do not read to much into what all I am saying here.
Many folks along the way have expressed concern over me taking care of myself and for anyone who hasn't heard by now... I have been eating and sleeping on schedule... and I have not been taking any less care of myself than I usually do. So, while the concern is appreciated... it is also misplaced.
The more concerning parts of my life are a lack of adequate shelter for the winter, having awful neighbors, a lack of income and no source of water besides the rain. I guess that I could add some ongoing health issues to that along with some other stuff but meh.
Anyways, the road ahead is a long one and I want to make it clear that I am absolutely in for the long haul. The manner in which I involve myself has to change... but that is about all that is going to change.
Folks do not seem to realize that this is not some hasty breakneck race to 'return to normalcy' but a trek that will not only take a long time... but also require a heck of a lot of patience and thoughtfulness to see to it that everyone arrives at the finish line whole and intact.
Among all the despair and ruin something beautiful has blossomed and mayhaps if all goes well... that 'something beautiful' will continue to grow, strengthen and act as a beacon of hope for others over the coming months and years.
Sure not everything (or hardly anything) is the proverbial 'sunshine and roses' that we would like it to be at the moment... but if you look closely at what is really happening it is pretty inspiring to see.
Well, I think that is about it for now. I hope that everyone is doing well and being good to themselves and each other.
October 24 at 10:05 PM
It only took twenty-six days for imposter syndrome to start kicking in. Now I'm like: Have I really been helping at all? The mind is surely a weird thing!
October 28 at 5:44 AM
Alright, it is now twenty-nine days in... and I am still 'eyes deep' in helping with the ongoing relief efforts in the WNC DZ.
Once again, I want to reiterate that the swathe of destruction left by Helene spreads from Florida, to Georgia, to South Carolina, to North Carolina, to Tennessee and to Virginia.
Furthermore let me reiterate that all of those places still need help... and although the need is greatest in WNC (due to the scale and scope of the destruction) I hope that folks have not forgotten about the other places that were also impacted.
It is also worth noting that many of those places got entirely 'stepped over' by many of the relief groups (and individuals wanting to help) which means that the relief efforts in many places have been occuring at a snail's pace.
To be clear here, that is all simply my personal perspective... based on what I have seen... and I am absolutely open to being wrong. Although, I sincerely wish that I am wrong about all that... it just does not seem to be the case.
My point in all of that, is that much of the southeast is still reeling not just from the ferocity of the initial storm... but all the ripple effects that have ensued afterwards... so yeah it seems imperative to me that folks take a step back, look at the larger picture... and extend their attention and compassion accordingly.
As far as the WNC DZ goes, there has been a big push over the previous week to help get those in need out of the elements... and into housing in one shape, form or another.
All around I cannot stress enough just how important getting folks into housing is. All the basic needs, comfort and morale stuff aside... folks deserve the dignity, privacy and security that only 'four walls and a roof' can provide.
If you are someone that has never learned what it is really like to not have housing... then I doubt that you can truly grasp how dehumanizing it really is. Not to mention just how difficult and nerve wracking living without adequate shelter truly is.
On a different note, the clustercuss caused by the clothing (and junk) donations is not just overworking the already overworked volunteers... but they are also wasting much needed space for important donations like food, water, medicine, PPE and all the gear desperately needed by folks currently.
Truthfully, I still do not have a good solution for the clothing. The 'best idea' I have had so far is to try to find somewhere that is solely devoted to clothing... and have the clothing moved to it from all the distribution sites. Something like a warehouse with a laundromat next door would probably be ideal... but as most of us know... finding any warehouse space is incredibly challenging at the moment.
Two other things that I want to touch on are the reports (none of them confirmed by me) of private security forces operating inside the WNC DZ and out of state law enforcement doing the same.
When it comes to the private security forces (if they exist) I want to make it absolutely clear to folks that (to the best of my knowledge) they do not have any authority over anyone... at any time... in public areas which yes includes public roads. My unsolicited advice is that if said 'security forces' are behaving in any manner that infringes upon your rights... then call the local law enforcement immediately. If the locals will not help then contact their state and federal counterparts.
As far as the out of state law enforcement goes... please keep in mind that many of them are from adjoining states where what is 'acceptable policing' does not match well with what folks are accustomed to in North Carolina.
Personally speaking, I think that the ones 'harassing' folks are not just failing to do their sworn duties... but they are also doing a massive disservice to the local law enforcement who will ultimately have to deal with the blowback once those 'extra' forces have left the region.
There is no easy way to deal with such situations... but I highly recommend getting the name and badge number of the offenders (without escalating the scenario) and filing a complaint directly with the NCDOJ. They even have a website with a link for making a report.
If they refuse to give their name and badge number... then take their pictures. It might sound extreme but immediately calling the local sheriff's department (or police department) on them (for failing to identify) is in my perspective the best route because for all anyone knows they might be impersonating being law enforcement officers.
None of that is legal advice and yeah it sucks to have to spell all that out for folks but there you have it.
Per usual, I hope that everyone is doing well and being kind to themselves and others.
P.S. I always start things with a 'day zero' so if my daily count seems off that is why.
October 28 at 7:39 PM
Not trying to tell anyone how to deal with their grief or trauma here... so please do not get your knickers in a wad.
At this point in things folks are probably discovering a good bit of anger bubbling to the surface.
With or without awareness of its root causes... it can sneak up on you when you least expect it to... and manifest itself in a myriad of ways from minor annoyance to full tilt feelings of tremendous rage.
Okay, now here is my perspective on dealing with it based solely off my own life experiences.
Just let yourself feel it, let it run it's course without acting on it in a destructive manner. As a side note acting on it in a constructive way is incredibly helpful.
What is extremely counterproductive is allowing yourself to get into the habit of acting on it repeatedly in a destructive manner.
Unless of course becoming an unhealed rage-a-holic that lacks the self-discipline to modify your own behavior is your goal. Which yeah is about as fun as it sounds.
At least for me it is really all that simple. It took me a heck of a lot longer than it should have for me to reach that point with it all... but the important part is not giving up because eventually (with practice) it does get easier.
Heck, these days I can even turn my own anger into determination on a dime.. so go figure.
Be easy on yourselves and each other.
October 30 at 4:22 AM
It is incredibly challenging to empathize with folks who all too often (over the last several decades) dismissed my own sharing of trauma and traumatic events as mere 'drama'.
Fortunately, I'm not so simple minded (nor spiteful enough) to hold it against them even knowing they lack such graciousness.
To be clear here, I wouldn't wish the struggles/harm/discomfort/pain that trauma incurs on anyone. Nor do I hold it against folks for not empathizing (or even trying to understand) how deeply it has affected my own life.
It is also worth noting that my own struggles have often been compounded by a lack of adequate shelter, marginal finances, lack of running water, no transportation and no opportunity to truly and effectively change my own scenario for the better.
Often times my own struggles were a source of 'entertainment' for folks... or used as a vehicle to take pot shots at me... which of course I largely looked past... because... well... I chose to be the bigger person when others obviously could not be.
All that said, there has always been a very small subset of folks who have always done the opposite of what I am griping about in this post. To those folks, I gotta say thank you very much for your compassion, your care, your love and support over the years and am glad that I can be here for you now.
November 2 at 6:22 AM
This is bound to be an unpopular opinion... but something needs to be done to help educate folks who are entering WNC about what is going on.
With tourists flocking into the area... who are not aware of the precarious situation... the devastation... and the ongoing humanitarian crisis... something just has to be done to make them acutely aware of the situation.
The only thing that I can come up with is putting up billboards along all the major roads that show (and to some extent explain) what is going on... what to expect... and how not to be a burden upon a region that is barely functional for the residents that already live there.
November 2 at 6:53 PM
If I seem a bit moody today it is because earlier today my bad neighbor (well one of my many bad neighbors) came up to the edge of my property doing his usual lurker shit... while I was in my tent... and when my dogs started barking at him he kept making noises back at them trying to get a rise out of me.
Sadly it is the same person that thinks he can disrupt my farming activities, dictate what I can do on my own land and rage out on me over playing music... which yeah is as aweful as it sounds.
Obviously, I am over it and not in the mood to put up with any horseshit!
November 3 at 7:41 AM
It is now thirty-five days into doing everything that I can to help with the relief efforts in the WNC DZ... and yeah there is still no clear end in sight. Which is fine, given that focusing on the 'end' is a foolish approach given all the immediate needs of folks... the weariness of those helping... and the depth of commitment (and resolve) it is going to take to keep facing each day's challenges.
Personally speaking, I find it all so demanding of 'serious attention' that I have pivoted my entire life to focusing solely upon helping the scenario to the utmost of my abilities. Of course, my own struggles keep bubbling up when I least expect them to... and although I have made great strides to overcome my own grief I know that between it and my own precarious situation... I am not being nearly as effective as I could be.
Please note that I am doing everything that I can to alter my situation (so that I can be more effective) but some things are just way beyond my control or influence like my bad neighbors... having enough privacy to hold private conversations without said neighbors eavesdropping on them... having a real shelter... being able to keep the supplies that I need on hand... and generally having enough funds to keep floating my life. To be clear there those things have not stopped me yet... and it will be the proverbial 'cold day in hell' before I let them stop me.
There are a lot of things that are going on in the WNC DZ that I find quite disturbing... and most of them revolve around folks trying to exploit the crisis for political gain... further their own social agendas... the pushing of divisive narratives... and generally trying to stir up ill will towards the state, local and federal agencies... that have been tirelessly working to help improve the situation... as well as the white collar and blue collar criminal elements seeking to profit off the suffering of others (and the situation in general) any way that they can.
In short, if the folks trying to help are not 'on mission' to aid in the efforts to alleviate hardship... reduce the risks of further calamities... and prepare for the coming winter... then I do not have any time patience or compassion for what will befall them if they continue to impede the efforts of those which are truly helping.
Ya'll be easy on yourselves and each other and I will do my utmost to continue doing the same.
November 4 at 9:36 AM
If everyone would pause for half a minute and take a few collective deep breaths... that would be nice.
I love you all (or at least most of you) and just want to see everyone be okay.
November 5 at 6:16 AM
It is now a little while before dawn on the thirty-seventh day into relief efforts inside the WNC DZ... and while I am definitely a bit 'worn around the edges' after five weeks of doing whatever I can to help folks... I am also still chugging along (on an even keel) putting one foot in front of the other whilst giving it all my best.
Of course, not being the only one 'giving it my best' sure has made the entire process much easier... along with the level of support that folks have gotten from not just the civilian sector... but from all other sectors as well.
I could undoubtedly write a novel solely about the unilateral cooperation that I have witnessed along the way... but instead I would just like to say:
“You know who you are, you know your contributions and you should equally know just how proud that I am of everyone for their role in everything.”
Even though there is nothing 'easy' about the mission at hand... I sincerely feel (and think) that no other community that I am aware of... could have risen to the occasion with such grace, compassion, understanding, empathy... and wholehearted commitment to rendering aid to those in need.
The external community has of course also risen to the occasion at hand... and without the influx of said folks... along with their skills, resources and dedication to help... the burden of search, rescue, recovery and aid... would have landed squarely on the shoulders of those directly impacted. Which in short means that folks would have had one heck of a hard time given the level of destruction, ongoing danger... and the very valid struggles due to grappling with their own grief and trauma.
In essence what I am saying here, is that everyone deserves a massive 'Thank You' and while we all still have a long way to go... at least we are doing it together... and have each other to lean on when we need someone to lean on the most.
Well, I was going to add more to this entry... but I think that ending it on that note sort of encapsulates the rest of what I originally wanted to convey.
Ya'll keep being kind to yourself and each other... and I will undoubtedly continue to do the same.
November 6 at 10:10 PM
I guess that it is time to stop helping so much with relief efforts inside the WNC DZ... since I do not want to accidentally lend aid, succor or comfort to either Nazis... or their supporters.
I was willing to look beyond folks hatefulness (and support of hatred) before due to basic humanitarian reasons.
Now though, I would not walk across the street to spit down their throat if they were dying of thirst.
Thanks for showing your true colors. I will remember to wrap y'all in them when it is time to start lining graves with Nazi corpses.
November 7 at 4:58 AM
It is hard to fathom that I just spent roughly eighteen hours a day... for thirty-seven days straight... helping a state that assisted in installing a Nazi regime into the highest governmental office.
Having done so, even after spending nearly four months... in a white Christian nationalist neighborhood... inside a town of the same ilk... within a state of the same kind... and getting a real taste of what the future of this country looks like... all I can say is: Get ready for the hell that is coming y'all.
It is said that a person's capacity to help is the counter-equivalent of how much they can do harm... so yeah it is time to see just how true that saying actually is.
In our darkest hour kindness failed. Love of hatred was the only love that was welcome and at the end of the day the country formerly known as America died not with a bang... but with a whimper of complacency.
Now is the time to act and what lies ahead is nothing but death, suffering and the demise of everything that once made America somewhere worth living.
I absolutely despise having to add this part but I am of no political party... nor political persuasion... and the path that I am choosing is being determined by the blood of my ancestors (both Irish and Cherokee) coursing through my veins that was here long before the beginning of the American experiment... and which will remain long after it is dust.
Some things are just worth fighting for regardless of the price to be paid.
November 7 at 11:28 PM
Welp, I think that it is time for a break. I clocked around 684 hours doing relief work for the folks in the WNC DZ over the previous five weeks.
I hope it helped you fucking traumatized ingrates! Try not to let it all fall apart from here.
November 8 at 7:06 AM
"In our darkest hour kindness failed. Love of hatred was the only love that was welcome and at the end of the day the country formerly known as America died not with a bang... but with a whimper of complacency."
~ Me
November 9 at 9:47 AM
No more discussions. No more diplomacy. No quarter.
November 9 at 11:50 AM
Do not fool yourselves... it is a consolidation of power not a transition of power.
Know the difference.
November 9 at 6:23 PM
I want to spell out how I arrived at my current mindset after putting in roughly six hundred and eighty-four hours of relief work over a five week span inside the WNC DZ.
Personally I was getting folks to prep for the storm that hit there a good three days in advance and was in constant communication with boots on the ground there (my friends and associates) throughout the entirety of the natural disaster's occurrence itself.
In other words I have been in constant communication with folks there this entire time from what I think of as day zero.
To be brief here because I know attention span is challenging. The only thing that stymied the relief effort at every turn (and still does to this day) is folks of a particular psychotic persuasion spreading lies, misinformation, disinformation, political narratives and doing a slew of other behaviors including but not limited to threats of violence, blocking aid and so much more that it just turns my stomach to consider it all.
Essentially those folks put all those things as a higher priority than saving human life at all cost. Three weeks later when the search and rescue efforts finally ended (yes folks in some places were just unknown of... or unreachable for that long) I just could not fathom the depth of depravity involved in doing anything that interfered with the larger mission.
Then I realized that entire campaign of stymieing was being done on a state, national and global scale and it was heartbreaking to realize that folks could truly be that callous, that petty and that small minded when so many lives hung (and in some places) continue to hang in the balance.
Upon waking to the election results on (I think) day thirty-eight and seeing that an obvious consolidation of power (and not a transition of power) would be occuring by a Nazi regime I realized that I could no longer help with relief efforts because I could no longer be impartial.
To be absolutely clear there was a great sense of unity formed by folks of all kind inside the WNC DZ where politics, ideas and whatnot we're all set aside with the sole shared focus of helping others unilaterally.
In a nutshell I couldn't justify providing aid, succor or comfort to anyone who had helped install a dictatorship. Hard stop.
So, I simply took a much needed break these last many days. Along the way I have helped some friends, myself and even some strangers and I feel good about everything that has been done, the choices that I have made and everything that I learned along the way.
November 9 at 7:57 PM
If I did not spell things out clearly enough in my previous post the entire relief effort for folks inside the WNC DZ has been under constant direct attack since day one.
I have personally worked against said attack this entire time. The only thing that has changed is that I finally reached a point where I could turn my full attention to it and face it head on.
If you cannot understand how such attacks were used to alter the public perception at the cost of human life... for political and ideallogical reasons... then I have no idea how to convey it to you.
If that behavior was and is okay but my current behavior is not then you are not part of the solution.
November 10 at 5:08 AM
When your political views dehumanize others... strip folks of basic human rights... facilitate women dying... allow minorities to be targeted with hate and violence... invoke unilateral intolerance of non-Christians... sell this country to the highest bidder... plus openly engaging in the destruction of the environment... it is no longer about politics it is about fighting against dehumanization, misogyny, racism, xenophobia and the total destruction of everything this country stands for along with the chance at having a habitable planet for future generations.
If you cannot grasp that there is so much more worth fighting for than your sloppy idea of politics... yet seek to thwart folks who are fighting against the very things which give you the right to have said sloppy ideas... then yeah you also deserve 'no quarter' when it comes time to meet the threat head on.
If I am a 'radical' for speaking out against what is wrong then your bar for measuring such things is set at the exact same height as your personal integrity... a flat zero.
November 10 at 5:29 AM
Does anyone want to come live next to my white Christian nationalist neighbors that love making folks not of their ilk's life a living hell?
It is really an awesome way to get a sneak peak at what the future of this country looks like.
No takers? Just wait until they are your neighbors everywhere then!
November 10 at 7:48 AM
I want to address the damage caused by the lies that: The government abandoned WNC and did nothing.
Those kinds of bold faced lies (spread by “Republicans” and foreign adversaries) stymied relief efforts... prolonged human suffering... wasted valuable local/state/federal/grassroots resources and assets time... caused increased distress and trauma for survivors... and possibly raised the overall body count.
November 10 at 12:53 PM
I've bumped into plenty of hateful folks online of late. Many of them in Asheville and WNC and I gotta say that part of me really regrets helping them with the relief work that I did. They are just so vile, petty and intent upon harm that the world would have been a better place without them. Of course my human decency wouldn't have allowed me not to help in a natural disaster setting but given pretty much any other circumstances I'd have left them to die in the fucking woods.
November 10 at 10:07 PM
Be careful. Your tolerance for protecting those who dehumanize others is showing and we are all seeing it in plain sight.
Dehumanize the dehumanizers or be dehumanized yourself.
Hard stop.
November 10 at 10:39 PM
A word to both the wise and unwise.
Unfortunately, I have a lifetime of dealing with bullies and I gotta say that for my current scenario in particular things are pretty nuts.
To put it simply most folks instinctively know that I am not the kind of person to try to bully. Not because of physical features, a bad attitude or some projection of menace but because I look like I have been through hell in life and yet I am still kind, even tempered and totally at peace with myself (and my past traumas) in such a way that folks simply want no part of whatever mettle lurks inside me.
That said, the folks here are completely blind to those things. Including my kindness, general niceness, compassion, care etcetera being anything more than weaknesses to exploit.
I have only been here roughly five months and I'm telling ya I have been pushed and prodded at with every kind of fear tactic and gross insinuation of harm for the sole reason of not being one of them.
The day the election results came in those same folks entire body language changed and they are now completely emboldened by thinking that come soon (after the transition/consolidation of power) they will have the full force of the law behind them including that of the highest offices in this country along with the highest judicial court in the country.
What I picture is what kinda new hell will they enact upon my life given their previous actions when they were not so emboldened or empowered.
For me I deal with the real threat of their mentality, political and religious views every moment and it isn't some 'theoretical' threat or inept worldview shaped by what I see online or hear from others in some foggy and distant way.
Hell is coming for any and all who do not conform to these kind of folks ideologies and while everyone continues to waste time trying to have discussions with them they are just pissing away the time that is needed to become prepared.
Take it all with a grain of salt or not but all this hippy dippy woo woo let's be nice shit is gonna result in a fuck load of avoidable suffering.
EDIT: This post is continued in the comments.
)
Wes & Grindan