Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay
Mr. Thomas Stepforth Sr. got off the phone with a look of astonishment on his face that turned into chagrin.
“Slocum-Tyson Memorial Bank just broke,” he said. “The damage a dishonest treasurer can do when you think he is God Himself and the ground he walks on is blessed!”
“What?” Mrs. Stepforth said.
“Oh, he was the darling of the society clubs to which we could not gain entrance, even now – but I keep honest books!” Mr. Stepforth said. “That man walked off with every bit of everybody's deposits, and is already spending it in a country the U.S. doesn't have an extradition treaty with!”
“Yikes!” Mrs. Stepforth said. “It's Lofton County's Bernie Madoff, only he got away with it!”
“And, Big Velma,” Mr. Stepforth said, “imagine anyone walking off with three of me, in net assets!”
She laughed.
“I'm glad you added 'in net assets,' because any three of you would have airstepped all over that man to get back to where you belong!”
“I keep honest books!” he said, “so, yes, every penny of any $11.5 BILLION – yes, that's billion, with a capital B – I account for will be in place at all times!” he said. “But, you know, certain people don't feel like they need to listen to people like me because they can't get my tan – but now they are calling around trying to figure out who will help them out of the jam they're in! Not me!”
“They probably should call next door and see if Col. Lee knows any retired Special Forces guys who work private jobs,” Mrs. Stepforth said.
“They probably will call him as the most accessible Lofton Trust trustee – and, in fact – .”
The Stepforths listened for a few moments and then both just fell out laughing because the voice of the colonel, his temper in a rare but thorough arousal, had his operatic tenor filling the air.
“I personally called you last year and told you that man was cooking your books, but no … y'all told me he has a good reputation and knows all the right people in Virginian society, and I told you as the natural-born nephew of and spitting image of Robert E. Lee that that was how I knew that was what he was doing to you because y'all want to live in 1864! You just fumbled 11.5 BILLION with a B dollars trying to live in 1864 and you want me to let you put your hands on the Lofton Trust's 2020-2021 money to make up for it? No, we just might lay hands on you for coming over here with that foolishness, because we can buy your whole wreck of a bank for a song now! You go on and call enough people and hear enough no, and call back when you are ready for me to sing for you on behalf of the Lofton Trust! And whatever you do, don't call Selene Slocum-Lofton with your nonsense – that's my grandmother and I will be personally offended if you disturb her, and you will be personally offended by how she will remind you about how her and my Slocum-Lofton grandfather told y'all about that man's entire family being no good – she hasn't been a Christian as long, so you are going to get it from her as you deserve if you bother her!
“And another thing, since y'all have fumbled the bag from 1864, 1954, and 2020 on this foolishness –.”
“Oh, when you get that multi-generational telling off,” Mrs. Stepforth said.
“They have roused up the old Lee fire in that calm young man!” Mr. Stepforth said.
“Well, old Lee was still old Lee with old Lee's fire in 1864,” Mrs. Stepforth said, “so if you take his spirit and image back there, ain't no telling what might happen to you.”
“I'm just so glad we had some popcorn ready,” 21-year-old Melvin Trent said.
“I stay ready so I ain't never gotta get ready,” almost-18-year-old master popcorn provider Vanna Trent said. “The Ludlows and the Lees are some interesting people when superiority games they no longer play go wrong, and they don't feel like doing cleanup!”
Nine-year-old Vertran Stepforth and sixteen-year-old Tom Stepforth were just capturing it all, the little one just tapping into the Lofton County Free Voice page and livestreaming it there, and the big one typing down the details and forwarding it to his editors live so the paper could get the scoop.
“Look,” eleven-year-old Velma Trent said, “when you believe in the color line, and God sends you people on both sides of it to tell you that you are in trouble, and you don't listen, then basically, what happens to you is what is supposed to happen.”
“I'm just trying to figure out how in the world you fumble a bag with $11 billion in it,” nine-year-old Milton Trent said. “I mean, how do you even lift it to fumble it?”
“Stupidity is stronger than you think, Milton,” Velma said.
“Ain't it the truth,” eight-year-old Gracie Trent said.
