How much gas is left in your tank? This hunger that some of us have in the belly/heart is something that I try to make tangible. I only understand it on an intuitive or instinctive level.
The difference between intuition and instinct is that the former has some element of higher consciousness attached to it while the latter is mostly matter/Nature at work.
Interestingly, this hunger tends to first manifest through the latter and sometimes graduates into the former. Every wise person was once a fool.
Why do we have this hunger, for what reasons does it come out and manifests in the external world and how is it that as we grow older it gradually begins to dampen?
One of the most agreed upon views is through developing a chip on our shoulder via the myriad of experiences life throws at our way.
This could also be put in another way as developing some form of trauma that ignites this fire in us.
For the most, I think this is a good thing or rather a fortunately unfortunate situation.
I grew up without much of a father figure and this made me develop a subconscious resentment for authority figures.
The resentment wasn't always conscious or rational - it was more like a low hum in the background of daily life.
At that time, my conscious mind was at the mercy of my subconscious mind similar to how a puppet is held on a grip by a puppeteer.
So gradually, I did develop this chip for becoming the man I never had in my life.
Reflexive Becoming
As a side note, I think there's an interesting duality here. Because the drive to become what was missing means building without a blueprint. There's no roadmap to follow.
Some days it meant overcompensating - being too tough, too self-reliant, refusing help. Other weeks, it manifested through questioning every decision, wondering if it was the "right" way to be a man.
In my case, this particular path of hunger born from developing a chip on my shoulder led to one of two extremes whenever I project it into the horizon: either becoming fiercely independent to the point of isolation, or developing an almost compulsive need to be the mentor/father figure for others that you never had yourself.
Generally, especially when we grow older and become more conscious of ourself, there's this realization that the chip on the shoulder is both a shield and a burden, even though it may have served as a great vehicle to develop certain essential life skills.
Looking back with a bit more objectively now, I'm quite sure that without this arc on my timeline, my life would've been radically different.
Which now begs the question of whether it was decided all along or was it just a set of skills/mindset I needed to developed irrespective of the journey I've taken? By the way, who decided?
Next Step
In terms of the hunger getting dampened down as we grow older, I think it largely rests on acquiring success or achievements based on proving our worth to those "shadowy figures" or fulfilling the expectations we've set for ourselves as a reaction to our past.
If I'm hungry and I've fully eaten, will I be hungry again any time soon?
For some of us, it graduates beyond success or achievement. There's also identity and legacy, and also breaking past cycles while at the same time, trying to understand them.
Thanks for reading!! Share your thoughts below on the comments.
