It’s Monday morning. Another week has rolled by in the blink of an eye. For many of us, we have managed to crush the goals for the previous week. How about this week? Do you believe you can do it again?
On that note, do you have anything stopping you from accomplishing your set goals? Is there anything that’s making you second guess starting that new venture, making new friends, meeting new people?
Today, I want to broach the topic on fear. There are so many phobias that I’ve lost track of most of them. Like everything that has name, fear has its name too. I hear people throw a word that ends with “phobia” and go, “oh. I have that fear. I can’t be within five feet of it…”
Maybe. My question is, is fear real or just mental? Many people have developed a sense of fear towards something that they must have had an experience with. I don’t think anyone is born with fear. Scratch that, no one is. A toddler is mostly curious than afraid. They want to touch, and taste everything.
So how does one get to have fears? Well, I’d say growing and understanding the things around us is one. Seeing them for ourselves is two. And watching other people become victims is three. I find that some fears are not born from having experienced them ourselves but from watching other people stumble.
Let’s take for instance a home where the parents are always yelling at each other and the man gets physical in front of their ten year old. A boy might grow up with the fear of becoming his dad while a girl might grow up with the fear of meeting her dad.
What is the evidence of fear?
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I believe that humans have a tendency to lean away from anything that causes them discomfort. When it just becomes too hard, we find something that isn’t. I don’t think this was the case years ago, way back in the time before civilisation. I think the world today has just made us soft.
Some humans tend to dislike what they “feel” they can’t be. They are cautious of something that may be remotely risky because they think what happened to A will happen to them.
I’m not saying we should do things blindly, or we should jump at every opportunity. However, it is important to be able to tell apart fear from caution.
Caution says, “wait a minute…” and fear says, “not today” and it continues everyday till your last days. Sometimes, I think that people before they make decisions tend to consult with the fear within them. It takes only a few of courage to make decisions in spite of that fear.
What are the effects of fear?
Fear has many effects. One of them is what we see in people today and that’s projection. One of the side effects of fear is taking what you’re afraid of and projecting it on others. If for instance, you care so much what people think about you, one of your fears would be being sidelined. Now, once you remotely catch wind of something that doesn’t involve you in it (be it a group or function) you will act out.
Other effects we see would be insecurity, toxicity, anxiety, low-self esteem, stagnation and depression.
All these are tiny things that would eventually snowball and have an avalanche effect that leaves us in a pool of regret. All fear does is stop us.
How to overcome fear?
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I think the first thing we need to do in a quest to overcome fear is to accept that we have fears. The first step in healing is to admit that you’re wounded and need help.
When we do that, we can use a clearer understanding to approach whatever fears we have. The truth is fear mostly stems from lack of proper information. There are so many information circulating these days and most of them are false. Still, it doesn’t stop us from believing them.
Taking a step back to access the roots of our fears is another step to overcoming them. Not easy but it must be done.
Another step is action. When you discover the sources of your fear, you might want to change that. If it’s from your past, you may want to rewrite what you believe. For example, using the earlier above about the girl and boy who come from a home that’s quite messy.
The boy’s fear may materialise as he grows because he’s so conscious of it and believes that is who he may turn out to be. He’ll unknowingly sabotage himself and relationships for focusing on the wrong things. The girl will find herself doing a lot of projection on people who may not deserve it. And she may begin to attract just what she’s afraid of.
So, these two may need to rewrite everything they believe about themselves. They may need help from a professional or they may need to set out on discovering who they are themselves without all they have experienced. That’s tough but it has to be done.
The other step would be following through. At this point, our brain has been wired by the lies we’ve fed it. Lies that are born from what we believe to be real. Taking those lies apart to discover the man hidden beneath is a lot of work and discomfort. Like I pointed out previously, it takes the courageous to go ahead despite how they feel.
Also, confidence is a useful tool for overcoming fear and confidence comes from doing things. Taking the first step, and reaping the results brings about a boost that fuels our drive. We genuinely begin to believe in our abilities.
In conclusion, fears aren’t real. You might want to remember that children, most especially toddlers, have none. I’m not saying we should dive head first into anything, no. What I mean is, whatever seems to be holding you back must have a solution. Fear robs us of so much. Don’t let it rob you today, tomorrow or even next year.
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