"In a world of dreams, our only reality is love." —Tokyo blues
Haruki Murakami
We have all given love advice believing ourselves to be plenipotential experts in sentimental matters, but there is nothing further from the truth, because each advice comes previously packaged and nuanced by our own perception and personal experience.
Each person is the protagonist of their love stories, which were sometimes murky games of occasional experiments, and other times, large concentrations of tiny parts of dopamines and serotonin that clouded their mind and heart, called as a whole: passions.
All these lived loves inevitably lead you to an accumulation of experiences that are very useful for you to avoid being dragged again by the same false current of the idyllic romanticization of love - even though love is romantic in itself - and, to create your own theories about what is real, ambiguous and hypocritical in matters of love.
When we begin to experiment with love, all of us, absolutely all of us, are human beings with a sentimental burden that is too wild and naive to understand the dirty game that our visual perception, and our idealization of the loved object, has in store for us, and then the great confusion begins. . about how you want the other person to see you, which in any case will be that they always perceive you as pretty, happy and ready for every whim that occurs to them in life, and it is precisely when the greatest of errors that nullify a being occur. human: stop being you to be what the other wants you to be.
There will always be a thousand ways to give love advice.and this is a very wonderful one.
Clearly, if there were a time machine, I was going to run there in the 90's to find my own person, shake him hard by the shoulders and shout very softly at him to wake up from the stupidest lethargy of his/my life and give him the best love advice anyone would ever give you.
The best advice I would give to my past self, after my current experiences, would be:
1.Always be you, imperfect, stupid, boring and poorly dressed.
When you try to make others see you as neat, upturned, intelligent, perfect, one day you yourself will get bored of your character, and at the same time the other person will only feel deceived and frustrated for not finding you at all times as you made him believe. that you are, it may seem like an immature game typical of young people, but what lasts over time is your naturalness, your simplicity and your good - or bad - and real feelings.
Show your true character from the beginning, do not be forced to hide your tastes and feelings out of complacency and/or to be accepted, it is important that they know you as you are, it is important to be honest.
Theater is a way to project the art of living, but don't turn your life into a theater.
I give you a really beautiful song, so that above all things you value loving yourself..
2.Never be the one who carries the weight of a relationship alone.
When you feel that you alone give everything, that the relationship works because of you and because of the enormous effort you put into making a relationship between two people good: that's not it!
Your partner is lost in a world other than yours and you are not part of it, believe me, something is wrong.
A couple needs to share, break, and put themselves back together with pieces of the other. The need to be committed to each life project in an emotional and necessary way represents a success that is greatly undervalued by many.
We need as social beings who live as a couple to feel the unconditional and well-intentioned support of our partners, common points of view, common interests, common habits, common struggles, common desires and plans.
This is the true loving health of a couple, feeling that we go through life together, falling and getting up but with our hands joined to hug each other whenever necessary. So why live together?
3.You will never truly know the other person next to you, only a little more as they survive difficult circumstances.
When some couples break up inevitably, certain personalities emerge that you had never perceived before, the negative part of the being that accompanied you, or yours anyway... right?
I have experienced events that can make me doubt true human nature, when the first reaction of the other person who lost their "rights" is usually very defensive and hurtful. People share laughter, tears, and a life together, but then they do not know how to manage detachment if the relationship comes to an end, perhaps it is because of the disrespectful way in which the situation is handled, but they do not find a better way to get revenge than by being violent and destructive to protect themselves from the person who has decided to break up.
Not everyone has the ability to react calmly and maturely.
It also happens that you know your partner better when they go through serious situations of illness and other events, and the reactions are definitely so serious, so safe, so strong that the bonds become absolutely solid like medieval castle walls.
That what a person usually shows us in their character is not a generality in their entire life, and they may simply one day be different and do what they have never done before.
4.Don't be afraid of loneliness.
The best time to heal an old wound is to be alone, which does not mean that you will be alone, loneliness in many cases is just a state of mind, but many do not understand what it does well and what prevents them from falling into hasty and meaningless relationships.
Becoming a lover of solitude will not make you a sulk or an idiot, only that you will have invaluable time to listen to your music, read your poems, share with friends, breathe deeply while it rains, organize your things without fear, your head will be full of your favorite shrews, while the bed, the bed will be only for you and eventually you will heal.
It's a matter of listening to your heart
The best love advice is the one we give to ourselves, it is full of our experiences and our memories. I can share my perspectives with another person who experienced the same thing, however their advice may be different and with other results....
However, there is something that is the common denominator for all: the nature of human beings that makes us repeat the same mistakes even if we have been given the same advice over and over again.
This is my entry to the call for @ericvancewalton, un memoir monday, Week-27.
If you want to know more about this beautiful proposal just follow the link.
Always very grateful for your reading..
Photos taken with iPhone
16 Pro Max
I used Canva for the cover and Banner , free version.
Translation using Google Translate
