Sometimes I find myself pondering the question "What character trait or characteristic has most shaped the outcome of your life?"
Being sporadic...
I had (quite seriously) considered having a shot at @traciyork's HiveBloPoMo Initiative, but I pretty much decided to "fail" before even starting... as a result of simply looking at my month of November, starting with our 31-year old daughter's wedding on November 11, followed by family Thanksgiving and so on.
I sighed a bit and considered that I have pretty much never lived a life that entailed having contiguous blocks of time available, in my life. I don't pack a lunch and trudge off to work on a schedule and I almost never have.
To the degree I have had a "schedule" — as a self-employed person — it has pretty much revolved around tasks rather than time, and around simply responding to "whatever has shown up," in the moment.
Granted, I also live with what society labels as "ADHD" which tends to steer me towards periods of hyperfocusing on something, punctuated by a tendency to drift off on completely unrelated tangents.
I have somewhat stubbornly refused to treat myself as having "a condition," allowing society and the medical profession to "medicalize" who I am... and have instead chosen to simply work with what I have in front of me.
Hereunder, being sporadic...
I call myself "a writer" and I love blogging because it entails short little "vignettes" of assorted thoughts... but I have never really written anything long and contiguous because I fail that the required consistency and discipline that goes with assembling an 80,000-word manuscript.
I like the idea of noodling a single concept; arranging the thoughts, polishing it up and sending it off... and being able to declare myself done, at that point.
The strange irony in writing those words is that one of my many "professions" is that of being a book editor, and that typically entails reading and "adjusting" extremely long and occasionally dry and tedious blocks of text. Like a somewhat scholarly 200,000-word tome on religious criticism.
Go figure...
At times, it feels like society wants/expects everyone to be monotonous, predictable automatons... which I rather resist.
Another strange irony in that resistance, because I am generally quite content to just sit somewhere and "watch grass grow" for hours on end, without any particular external stimuli to engage me.
You're not neurotypical... you'd probably benefit from some medication...
Assertions like that always left me wondering exactly WHO I would "benefit:" Myself, or society and my employers?
I have managed to just circumvent the entire issue. Whether that choice has been in my best interests or not is perhaps a bit ambiguous and uncertain. But at least I am able to examine that question against a backdrop of living authentically as MYSELF, rather than against some "societal caricature" of what "a successful person" is supposed to look like.
And that's pretty cool, and I am grateful!
And now... I need to take my sporadic self off to have some food. Thanks for reading, and enjoy the remainder of your week!
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Created at 20221102 11:01 PDT
0680/1926