Everything's so perfect right now. It's been like this since I woke up this a.m after the best sleep I've ever had. I'm so rested.
It started with an alert on my phone. Not an alarm, I don't use those anymore, an alert which is odd itself cuz Atlas typically wakes me up anywhere between 2 and 6am, not my phone. Not this day. On this day she let herself out, I slept until 7. She unlocked the deadbolt and let herself out, pissed and pooped, picked up the poop, threw it in the garbage on the side of the house like a good girl and let herself back in, locking the door behind her and let me sleep until 7 when my phone made a weird sound.
Not weird like trying to pronounce the president of China's name but weird like it only does that when my bank suspects fraudulent activity.
The electric company refunded my June payment. They reimbursed my account $143 and left this note in my inbox:
I know! I don't know how to say Xi either.
I'm the coffee prepper in the house. And trash man. I take out all the trash. We have a drip kind—coffee. Today, however, Pura had a shot of espresso delivered to me in bed imported directly from Paris. It was still hot!
And some pastries. A dark chocolate, peanut-buttery donut thing and a frosted, cinnamon cookie thing.
Meh.
I'm not really into sweets but, overnighted from Paris directly to my side of the bed, I might as well eat it.
I know! All that and I haven't even pooped yet.
Played a game of chess / Won a game of chess. Dominos / Win. Investments / Green. Rule 8 / 12 Rules For Life. It's / Time.
Mhm..
I know! It was SO clean I felt like I took a shower.
Shower / Shave. Gym / Gas up the car. Still had a 1/2 tank but there's no line at the gas station so, top it off, thinks me. Stop / Park.
Barely got the car turned off and they're already pumping my gas.
How'd you know what kinda gas I wanted?
"Congratulations!"
What now!!
Apparently I was the millionth or 10 millionth customer, I forget which one now, the one who when they top off their tank they win unlimited car washes for life.
Perfect!
What a day. WHAT A LIFE! What a meritorious fucking life!! Everything's just so perfect. Not a single thing to complain about, nothing, no meal is undercooked, every signal light is green. Any better would be illegal.
I was just around the corner from the house. Car's clean / Gassed up. Surprise Pura, me thinks, we'll all go to the top of the Appalachian's for lunch since it's such a perfect, sunny, clear day with no traffic and see how far we can see—perfect!
There's a dry cleaning service van parked in the driveway. Never seen that before. They must have the wrong address.
He stepped out of the van as I pulled into the garage—clipboard in hand.
Can I help you?
They just opened down the road, he explained, it's their grand opening. To celebrate, he's offering me a complimentary dry cleaning service.
You wanna do my laundry for free?
"Yes'ir, for a year, you won't regret it. Same day pick up and delivery, too."
I know!! I can not lose today, everything's just so perfect. My phone never dropped below 100%, I had the whole gym to myself, free car washes for life and now this—I don't have to buy laundry detergent for a whole year!
Be right back..
Went inside, grabbed the clothes hamper, threw all the dirties in it and relayed the news to Pura.
There's a laundry service outside that's gonna wash all of our clothes for free for a year.
"Free laundry service??"
She took off what she was wearing and threw that in the hamper too.
Gimme three steps gimme three steps mister goes Pura all cautiously / anxiously like the time we were walking through Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas and two ladies came rushing out of the ampitheater cuz one of theirs daughter just went into labor and she's gonna be a grandma for the first time so they have to leave the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert immediately and we were the first people they saw so they gave us their tickets and bolted like Usain.
Come back another time!
I yelled at the doorbell cam app to free laundry dude still waiting on the front porch cuz I can't expect you to believe a single thing I've said if you think I expect you to believe I left her all by herself like that.