This is my post for #freewrters 2439 prompt determine your future hosted by @mariannewest
If someone were to say to me, Cissy, determine your future, I would say I wish it didn't but it looks pretty grim. This past year seems to have been one thing after another, I know I have been through a lot in my 68 years and survived so why does this past year seem different?
Sometimes I feel like giving up but I am too stubborn to do that, I have always been a fighter and do not wish to change now, but it is getting harder to fight.
Since my two youngest moved back home, it has put a strain on my husband and my relationship with him making comments just about every day, I try not to respond because if I say something back to him, it turns into an argument, so as much as it bothers me, I keep quiet.
Last September I think I fished for 3 days, and once in October. I have been out on my boat one time since then. I took my daughter and sister to an island for a day of fun.
When I started on Hive, I wanted to write about each day's fishing, what I caught, and what I did each day, plus my daily life so one day my grandkids could read about how my life was. This is why I chose the name @myjob, now I am thinking that I should change my name because I do not know if I will ever be able to fish again.
I know that at the moment, I am feeling down, maybe even some depression but my future as a fisherman is not looking good. For instance, in the last two months, I have found out that I need two surgeries, one on my neck and one on my hand. I also broke my little toe and now on the same foot I tore the toenail off of my big toe, I am sitting here typing this with a brace on my right hand and a bandage on my toe where the doctor removed the toenail. I feel as if my body is falling apart. I know some people will say, well you are old, but until now, I never saw myself as old.
I am not writing this for sympathy, it is just the way I feel at this moment, maybe in an hour or maybe a day or two when I can walk without pain, I will feel differently but right now my future seems to be not the future I envisioned for myself. I am a believer that a day can make all the difference, so I will not give up hope. My favorite saying is "This, too shall pass" and it will, I just need to ride it out.
photos are mine