About a year ago I read a book called 21 Life Lessons @ 21. It is a compilation of personal stories and advice from 21 prominent South Africans. While the book was originally written aimed at the youth, I felt that it has some pearls of wisdom that are brilliant, regardless of your age.
You are the most important person in your own life
While my history doesn't come close to the atrocities that some people have faced from a young age, there certainly were parts of mine that dented my future me that I am still trying to panel beat out all these years later.
Her assertion that young people should be given the premise that they can infact reach as high as they wish to in search of their dreams - who actually has the right to say otherwise?
Last night I was listening to a somewhat contraversial podcast on CPTSD and the long lasting effects that it has on an entire person, their future, the perception of their reality, their abilities to deal with and overcome adversity, their interpersonal relationships (or lack thereof) - it is now being recognised as one of the largest inhibiting factors of a generation.
Neo's birthday wish would be to have changed how the youth of previous generations were treated growing up. I'm going to put a slightly wider spin on her question and ask "How far could we as a species have gone if the previous generations had had their cups filled with affirmations of love, hope and confidence instead of brutality?"
While I do not deny that adversity can be character building; adding courage, tenacity, inner strength, problem solving abilities, critical thinking, honour and so on to a personality, it can obviously have negative effects as well depending on the person. In my personal experience hatred tends to breed more hatred and seldom tempers or softens once established (I think this is especially true with young children).
If you treat a small child from a tender age as if they are a waste of space, are less valuable that the older people in the room or do not have a right to be a part of an activity - that is the truth that becomes them.
"Inferior does as inferior is taught to do ... and does less" - Andy
Delving into the psychology of dysfunctional family dynamics has been very interesting to me over the last few years and has explained so many of the social ills that we are currently seeing play out in our world. The age of entitlement has been brought into reality by the last decade and more of negating emotional needs and sating them with physical "things", changing the value system to a rating system of social media based on dopamine hits from likes, views and followers instead of real friendships and relationships. Lockdowns have increased in almost all instances the pandemic of depression, isolation, the breaking of bonds, increased physical and emotional abuse. The entire world wide population seems to be in an abusive relationship with it's government and the media is acting like a bunch of flying monkeys consistantly gaslighting the populace with misinformation and in some instances absolute rubbish that cannot even remotely be classed as journalism.
So how does this come back to the right to be the most important person in your own life?
I have in the past been guilty of this - placing the needs of others above my own. I do not believe this is an inherant human behaviour, I believe this is unhealthy learned behaviour and the reasons behind it are far more sinister than are apparent at first as a mechanism that breeds codependency through guilt and shame. We need to kick the guilt and shame to the curb.
You cannot truly care for anyone if you are not caring for yourself first and foremost. I need to be able to self assess my physical, mental and emotional health and rectify things there or I am not going to be bringing my best self or my best efforts to anyone else in my life. It is not being selfish or self centred, it is healthy and should be taught as such. It is something that I am teaching my daughter and is the polar opposite of what I was taught as a child. My kid is not going to be taught that she is inferior to the adults in the room. I do not believe in "children should be seen and not heard". My child will be taught to value and respect each person based on their actions and their treatment towards her, not their age, social heirarchy or bubblegum flavour.
I'm open to debate on the topic and I don't claim to be right, I am simply talking from my own personal experience.
Be awesome today.
This is a bi-monthly publication. You can find the previous editions here:
Edition 1: Simple Things to make life easier - Susan Booyens
Edition 2: Dig Deep to Find Joy - Kathleen Ciucci
Edition 3: Life is a Marathon - Prof Wim de Villiers
Edition 4: Stop Apologizing for Everything - Rochelle Barish
Edition 5: Find Your Inner Hero - Sello Hatang
All artwork has been used with permission from the book publisher
