Conquering Self Doubt & the Small Things That Count

squids in #hive-166408 • 3 years ago

Hey, what's goin on my purple people eaters?

I am back from the dead today, finally with enough energy to roll out of bed and do a few tasks. My speculations have drifted from diabetes and terminal illness to either low thyroid or low testosterone. My symptoms are feeling quite a bit better after riding the bike around a bit yesterday and I'm starting to get a hint of normalcy back again. Hope you all didn't miss me too much 😁, just kidding.

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I have been very sick lately for seemingly no reason, if you want to learn more about this read my previous posts. Basically lots of physical pain mostly in the muscles and joints, chronic fatigue to the point I can barely get out of bed. I am recovering from drugs & alcohol, I am about 2 months sober. I have been thinking of what I want to do with my life but have been steadily bombarded with intrusive thoughts, thinking I have a chronic illness and making excuses because I still feel awful from quitting drugs. I have a little short rhyming stream of consciousness to explain how I feel I hope you will enjoy, "I have been dreaming of a future in system administration or cyber security, being able to SSH into a network and get the work done remotely. I dread jumping into programming, but so much loot to be had. Do I have the attention span, memory, and wits? I am only 2 months sober, these are the only question I have".

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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I know the path I must take, I need to start learning the bare basics on Code Academy, and immediately jump into reading the book "Learn Python the Hard Way". I am very excited to jump into this whole new world, I have been dying to learn for so long. I have been impaired by endless laziness for as long as I can remember, but I have to stop making excuses and jump headfirst into it.

Amidst all the chaos of jobhunting, physical ailments, sobriety and financial stress I have been handed some precious moments. Today I spent time with my dad in person for the first time in probably a year. We went to get my blood drawn, and X-rays taken. He got me new clothes, and shoes. We talked about the past, my addiction, and the ones we have lost to the disease. Even though getting X-Rays taken & blood drawn seemed like annoying tasks to do, I had an amazing time talking to my dad and bonding, a very memorable moment. This tiny event sprung me with motivation to get moving in life.

Image by CryptoSkylark from Pixabay
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I am off to go learn some coding, wish me luck (probably won't need it though😜.

Thank you for reading my post please vote, comment, repost and read my previous posts, if you enjoyed them. Love you all, especially The Terminal 😁.

#life #thoughts #writing #blog #story #thoughtfuldailypost #neoxian #ocd #palnet #proofofbrain

3 years ago in #hive-166408 by squids

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yaziris 3 years ago

Great to hear you spent some time with your dad. And good to hear you're feeling better too! ✌

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squids 3 years ago

Not fully recovered yet, still feeling quite horrible. Yes the time with my dad was great, makes me feel a lot better mentally knowing I have lots of support.

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blitzzzz 3 years ago

Great that you've decided on learning how to code! It's definitely a tool for the future we live in. Don't give up. Do your best!
!PIZZA

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squids 3 years ago

The book "learn python the hard way" is on its way, and I hope it helps me learn such a difficult subject 😖. Thanks for the words of encouragment.

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thoughtfulposts 3 years ago

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abmakko 3 years ago

Welcome back, wish you a speedy recovery, I too started learning to code at one of the lowest points in my life, it is a good skill to acquire, wish you the best in your new endeavors.

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squids 3 years ago

That is very inspiring! Thank you for your kind wishes and inspiration.

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stdd 3 years ago

Oh, Python. I tried to start studying, but I didn't have enough time, so I dropped out at the start.😜🤣 Good luck to you, my friend!

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squids 3 years ago

Thank you sir for your kind wishes. I hope I am good at it, but we will see 😆.

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thekittygirl 3 years ago

What a wonderful thing to be able to spend time with your Dad again! Fabulous! 😊

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squids 3 years ago

It is very nice and it's brightening up my days for sure. Hope we continue to stay on a good note, we tend to argue quite a bit.

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ecency 3 years ago

Yay! 🤗
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innerblocks 3 years ago

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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You have been curated by @thekittygirl on behalf of Inner Blocks: a community encouraging first hand content, and each individual living their best life. Come join the Inner Blocks Community , and check out @innerblocks! #lifehappening

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pizzabot 3 years ago

PIZZA!

PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
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joydukeson 3 years ago

Welcome back. I hope you are better and strong now. Please take care of yourself. Me too have been sick for some days now, I don't know why it seems like everyone around me is sick too. I wish them all speedy recovery.

I went to a computer school when I was young but everything about phython, sounded like a hard but to crack to me. I just attended for two days and left. Programming is not for me.

Glad you have the time to learn the basics of computer too.

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squids 3 years ago

I have the book coming in the mail as we speak, I think I will be good at it but no way to know till I get a bit deeper. I don't really have any friends who are sick, but I sure as hell know I am deathly ill lol. I can finally stay awake through the day and I got my blood drawn to check for what's wrong. Hopefully it's something minor like Low thyroid.

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hivebuzz 3 years ago

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justclickindiva 3 years ago

Hello @squids. Hope you get to feeling better soon. Th first step to correcting any medical situation, as you understand now, is acknowledging you are not feeling as you should so that you can seek medical attention. You're not alone in thinking you have a chronic illness. You can imagine all sorts of illnesses until you are fully diagnosed.

It's a good thing you got a chance to visit with your dad. Making and staying connected with family who are willing to support you in your efforts is key.

Learning anything knew will increase your knowledge base and hopefully lead to gainful employment.

You are two months out. Each day not being under the influence is another success story for you. I applaud you for taking the steps to become drug free.

I have several underlying medical conditions. I know how hard a struggle you'll have if indeed you discover any medical problems. I pray this is not the case for you.

Good luck to you in your job search, your improved health, and your journey in life.

Take care, and try to have a good rest of your week.

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squids 3 years ago

Thank you! I am definitely staying sober, that is for sure. But, I do not feel okay physically whatsoever. I hope it passes quickly, but who knows. I am very happy that I am seeing my dad now, having a relationship with family is very important I believe. My work ethic is not very good and that goes for learning things too, I hope I can power through and get a good career... I have my doubts, as I have never made a good effort before. Thank you for your support and you have a good week aswell.

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