So, it's probably nothing but it's been on my mind some time and I can't let it go. My writing this is all thanks to @rks.wuhdrelis, after reading her post on "The Survival Life of an Introvert" days ago, I was encouraged to do something similar, if not as good as hers went... but, hopefully decent.
We start at the very beginning. When all that young kids worried about were to talk with friends, to share nice play things with one another on various evenings and meeting the next day at school. A merry-go-round of trivial pleasure, or so I thought.
This is largely a brief peek into memory lane, where I carefully try to fondle between what's important and what isn't. If anything, to reminisce on times when solitude was more than a companion. When the waking hours felt increasingly despondent, and at best, rose to a sparkling normality that lasted for a thousand of short moments.
This sounds in a lot of ways like Fiction, and yet what's fascinating about life is that even by striving to make something out of the real World, it delude us into thinking this is all that will be. An endless, infinite loop that always keeps on going. Hence, leaving us with a question we desperately ask: the meaning to life.
I spent majority of my high school years stuck in areas that I couldn't imagine, most of the time I was rather detached, which obviously bothered me in ways I couldn't explain. However, my seeming inability to create bonds with people weren't entirely because of a misgiving, but of which In a short while I soon came to hold the thought that nothing was ever worth the presence of me anymore.
The mere consciousness of that kept me limited. It grew into an emptiness, a void that constantly bellowed from without into the corners of my deepest thoughts. It was like that from the very beginning, nobody would have ever imagined the inner turmoil of the young teenage boy always in his lonesome. Perhaps, if I'd been more open - I would've been able to rid of the reality that clung tightly to me at the time. Well, who am I kidding? It's all in the past, now. And, one would think that letting yourself be free of the past makes it easier to face a future that holds no promise. At least, that's how things should be, right? But, no.
The future can only be shaped into whatever you want of it by doing the little things, starting with facing the demons that strike fear from within.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
- E. E Cummings
Despite my failings, and what was beginning to look like a sorry start to a disparate school life, i was able to emotionally find a balance within myself. Having been placed with a responsibility, as the head Prefect, i learned to listen more, to be involved... It was quite the task I was given, to head that many number of students - still, I was glad. Looking back, it felt like a nightmare that wasn't meant to be.
Having the courage to grow and become who you are, maybe this would bring a certain degree of accomplishment, perhaps allow me the opportunity to seek out new possibilities, I wouldn't know. Still, In every way, I'd like to see. What this life has in store, and if in truth everything that's happened, happens intricately for a reason.
Explore a whole new world. Burn new fires under the night sky and dream into a never ending paradise.
What have become of me since my time in high school has been greatly Influenced by the addition of certain people in my life. I mayn't have come to terms with most of my battles yet, still I find myself coming out differently to the other side with a better sense of self than the last time.
However dark my story must've been is in contrast to what it will be. Thankfully because I now have people around who love, and want the best for me. The journey's tough but I will navigate it humbly, through the thick of it. This is the biggest step TO take.
Thank you for reading.
