Hey, chick? You have a moment?
I approached the Good Lady in the kitchen where I hung seductively like a sex python from the door frame.
She looked up at me from the table where she was working and frowned.
That doesn't sound good, what is it?
She sounded out of sorts. I wondered if her Minaj was bothering her, after all, she was in her forties now. It wouldn't be long before I was out in the pasture checking some other fillies hooves.
Well, you know I get a bonus each year...
I cocked my head to the side in a way I have seen cats do that people think looks cute.
Yes, aren't we spending that on decorating the lounge?
She momentarily stopped pecking away at her laptop keyboard and allowed a brief smile to play out on her face. In another life, I think she would have loved to have married a Joiner, Or a plumber, in fact, someone with leathery fingers that could do all that shit that I couldn't.
But I didn't mind that, I was an Imagineer and was damn proud of it.
That's the funny thing. When you say "decorating the lounge" I just wanted to check that that didn't mean me buying a new guitar amplifier?
I fluttered my eyelashes.
I don't want to brag but it was a known fact that I had the moves like Jagger.
Besides, what the fuck was this we decorating the lounge shite?
An amplifier. A guitar amplifier? What about the hundreds of guitar amplifiers you already own. Is there something wrong with them?
She had her lips set in a tiny thin line and bitter experience had taught me that that line was one which was very dangerous to cross.
But as Batman once said, sometimes you gotta cross that line. Or was it Taylor Swift, damn my memory?
Hmm, I do have a few amplifiers, it's true. But this one is different...
I sidled closer. I wondered if I should twerk her, that might swing it? Then again, I hadn't showered for two days.
What is so different about this amplifier then?
She growled low in her throat like a catamaran.
She didn't like it when I went rogue, wanting to spend my own money and crazy shit like that.
It's new?
I smiled winningly and gave her an affectionate nudge with my hip.
New. Oh wait, oh no, hang on... hang on. I get it. I totally get it!
She shoved her chair back and looked at me triumphantly.
It's that bloody company you keep buying things from. Isn't it? You are obsessed!
She eyes held mine, daring me to deny it.
I wanted to tell her she was wrong and that I wasn't hankering after yet the latest Positive Grid product. I mean, she was right in a way.
I had bought their first 40 watt amplifier. Which was splendid for a bit of noodling in the lounge.
Then they had bought out a smaller one which you know, was splendid for a bit of outdoor action.
And of course, then they had bought out the eeny weeny Spark Go. Who could resist such mini loveliness?
Then there was the guitar to computer interface, always important in this busy world of ours.
Fuck, she was right. I was obsessed.
Alright, alright. They have a new amp out and I want one. Fuck sake man, I am addicted to the fuckers ok?
I kicked the leg of the kitchen table petulantly.
It's your blooming money, do what you want. As long as I get my lounge done.
The Good Lady trilled smugly thinking she had got me.
I looked at her and tapped my foot a little jiggily then smiled in return.
Yeah, cool. We can do both.
I smirked and turned to saunter from the kitchen.
Both? Really? How much money did you actually get?
Her voice rose in pitch behind me like a sea eagle tearing angrily at the carcass of something long dead.
I chuckled.
New amp here we come!
