A Dirty Thing

in #life2 years ago

IMG-PHOTO-ART-587777874.jpg

Hey man, I just wanna say, on behalf of all of us guys, sorry for your loss.

Rob the Nob looked earnestly out from my laptop where we were engaged in a Teams call.

I tilted my head to the side and made a prrrt? sound with my lips.

Rob the Nob looked down in a way that could have implied respect or he could simply have been nubbling at his little penis.

Sorry for my loss?

I frowned my lips down toward my chin in the way that makes hamsters feel afraid.

Yeah man, you know. the Queen and hallelujah and all that.

Rob the Nob shifted uncomfortably and tried not to meet my eye.

The Queen?

I twitched a little as if swimming and a Koi Carp had just tried to hoover up one of my fun bags.

fish-1059268_1920.jpg
looks like a perfect fit!?

Rob the Nob frowned as if it were he and not I that was dealing with a fucking idiotic baboon.

The Queen you know, the one who died...?

His statement dripped with so much sarcasm that I wondered just how gay both his fathers were.

The Queen? That was hours ago man, I think we are over that now.

I played with my pen whimsically so that they could tell that we were all good.

Hours ago? I don't get that but... um, right. Ok, well, we heard the news and wanted to pass on our condolences. We were actually wondering if you would be open for business today but it seems you are.

One of the Polish guys with too many Z's in his name piped up.

This is a dirty thing for all of you. We too pass on our best regards.

Zsillzsinzki-or-something placed a hand on his chest as if he were a footballer with heartburn after feasting on too many bearded clams.

Yes, cool. No worries. Well, lets get on. So we have a number of things to discuss.

I tried not to giggle at our Polish comrade's dirty thing and attempted to move the call on.

So what happens now for you guys?

Rob the Nob stroked his chin as he looked at me through the miracle of Teams.

What? Are you still talking about the Queen?

Exasperation bubbled up within me like the mess that foams up around a snail if you accidentally ejaculate upon it.

Yeah, man. The Queen. Is it like a week of mourning for you guys? Are all the stores closed? How does that work?

Rob the Nob grimaced at the bleakness of a world without open stores.

Mate, I have no fucking idea what happens now. No one really gives a fuck apart from the media.

There was an audible intake of breath from the people on the call. Something made a deep thudding noise and I hoped that one of them hadn't fainted at my blasphemy.

Yeah, well. I guess everyone reacts to these kinds of things in their own way. So just from the team, we want you to know. We are sorry for your loss.

Yes, it was a black thing. We too are sorry in your loss.

Zsillzsinzki-or-something mumbled slowly as if reading a passage from the famous What To Do When Your Queen Dies.

I take it you will be finishing early today because of it?

Rob the Nob asked gently.

Fuck sake, how many times did I have to tell these guys it wasn't a big deal? I opened my mouth, then closed it. Then took a deep breath.

Finishing early?

Everyone nodded. This obviously was what they wanted to hear, not some random Scotsman shouting about nobody giving a fuck.

I nodded sadly.

Yes, I will be finishing early. Out of respect.

I bowed my head.

Looks like beer o'clock was starting early tonight. God bless the Queen.

Sort:  

Really this queen business! At least she is good for one thing! I don't get royals though, like I automatically lose some respect there!

All I'm worried about is if we getting back our diamonds here ins RSA! Also, I'm loving all the memes!

!PIZZA

The Queen the Queen the Queen. It's gotten worse, all of the media is full of it. I can't take it no more!!

Haha, Father Ted was just the best!

One of the Polish guys with too many Z

This made me smile :) Indeed, their names have so many Z that makes me wonder what's the big deal with Z is 😁

Hehe, there are many z's. It makes saying the names out loud hellish!

No one really gives a fuck apart from the media.

Mostly yeah :)

At least she lasted long enough to get us an extra holiday this year. Now I can't say that she didn't do anything for me.

Beer o'clock, let's get crackin!

I am hoping for that extra holiday. What's app this talk of hanging it on a Sunday. That no use to anyone!!

Beers ahoy! Then wine! Then rum! Raaar!!

Sunday so there's not another day off? Boo

Beers ahoy! Then wine! Then rum!

You'll not be out of bed and chippy just yet then methinks!

I am now. Them peaky kids don't allow for much chill time! Bastards

People died and not sympathy directed to them as the Queen. Perhaps because she is a queen

Indeed, others had no mourners. It is hardly fair

Heh. The anti-monarchy memes and mockery have been glorious, but I'd take off early from work if Lizardbreath's death let me make an excuse.

There is little that would stop me taking an opportune half day!!

Now I just gave to cross my fingers for a holiday in the funeral itself

Hahahaha... nobody cares apart from the media... This should be made into a song, it really applies to so many things!

So very true. The worst bit is the media bangs on for so long that people start to care like programmed puppets!

And they have teeny tiny attention spans, they care while it's being banged on, then on to the next thing the media says to care about-
It's digital ADHD, no wonder so many people have anxiety issues. I like my spot as occasional observer, much more relaxed :)

I think that is why as I get on a bit I am actually pulling back from all sorts on online time!

I heard something about everyone was supposed to be getting a week off.

Glad you’re holding up alright 😝

I. Am. Holding. Up... Just... 🤣🤣

Now if they gave us a week off I would be soon grateful I would be out in the streets wailing and showing my proper grief!! Lol

One of the Polish guys with too many Z's in his name piped up.

Lol, love those Zs.

It is kinda big news i suppose, but at the same time seems like shes been an older lady for so long. Interesting reaction from some of the talking heads in media about it too. Interesting history over there too that i dont know much about either, its complicated. Keep rockin Boom. Bless the good times.

Always bless the good times or we will sink!

🤣 🤣 🤣 untitled.gif

OMG!!!! Make it stop!!!

Kidding. May she rest in peace.

The biggest letdown is that she allowed (King) Charles to keep his title after he divorced Lady Di and then married a divorcee... Hello? I'm not a stickler, but, rules are rules.

I can't bear to think of him living to be 100... of course, never wishing anyone an early demise.

Have you finished mourning?

Rules are rules... for the little people!

I don't think he has it in him to live as long as she did no matter what strange alien gene splicing they get up to.

My mourning finished last week two minutes after hearing the news. Now I want the incessant news cycle to end!

How have I missed this? bahhh, must've been mourning the Q. As they say, never let a good passing go to waste lol. Glad you got the beer clock started early that night lol.

I did indeed. To my horror the country style to have started mourning! It at least that's what the news says. More beer!!

PIZZA!

PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
@mimismartypants(1/5) tipped @meesterboom (x1)

You can now send $PIZZA tips in Discord via tip.cc!

It's like when any celebrity dies, its like, "huh, I see. What should we have for dinner tonight?"

Some people do care when that sort of thing happens though. Everybody's different lol

Yeah, it is sad when someone dies but not necessarily sad enough for us all to be running down the local square signing a book of condolence!

Yeah. People die everyday. When its a celebrity, we don't actually know them, but we feel like we do because we have seen them on TV so much over the years. But in fact, they are a complete stranger and we don't actually know them at all. Not the real them, just the idea of them that they portray and which we create in our mind. Humans are strange creatures.

Very strange creatures. I have seen people mourn more deeply for celebs than they have for close friends or siblings!!

People can be mental 😀

Haha yeah they really can. Myself included 😆

Lol!

At the risk of sounding stupid (to late) but why would Scotland care about England's Queen.. I thought y'all were enemies of sorts?

Exactly!! Except there are a bunch of religious folks up here that idolise her. Which is annoying

Fucking Jesus freaks..

Its becoming more of a pandemic than the pandemic!

Hi @meesterboom ,the queen has not yet been buried and there is already a new king, well this tells us how important the rulers are in this country, not so important the people themselves

The king is a proper clown too!

Honestly, I do not get the need to change the money. Here in the States all of our cash has dead presidents on it.

Plus I got to say I am not sure whether King Charles has much good judgment seeing he traded Princes Di for that old lady. 😟

Oh can we send that Harry guy back over there now. Tired of hearing him spouting off about everything.

Harry is a dick, just like his dad.

I don't know what all the fuss about the money is either. Nobody cares what the money looks like just that they have enough!!

Yes, I will be finishing early. Out of respect.

Go and see BearMan, a beer review is long due!

Haha, that's true! Tonight is a wine night though, I have been informed by the missus. However I have sneaked a couple in 😀

Hahaha!

The only Queens I care about are those on the chessboard and only because I enjoy a good game of chess.

Now those are Queens worth worrying about!! Cheers man!!

:^)

Not sure why Queen's so popular today, Freddy Mercury died in '91.

Thirty odd years man, you think they would be over it by now!

I'll drink tea to that!

You mean...you'll have a cuppa.

That's how they say Cooper here idnt'it? And every statement ends with a question mark dutn'it?

I'll send some friends I have in England to visit you with proper instruction, eh.

Shoooot.

Don't annunciation your R's, they're W's like we don't drive cars, we drive caws. Farts are fawts. No hard vowels, either, they're all soft now so vote is vut, eight is ehht. And free isn't a value, it's between two and four and when you say bye, raise your voice several octaves and repeat it an obnoxious number of times like byyye k-byeee byyeeee b-byye byeeee.

Now, I do hope you're working on the correct English accent. That's also a thing. Btw, since you're not that far away, why are you not visiting @meesterboom? Scotland looks far more interesting than England, but that could just be my personal background bias.

How very British of you dahling!!

Betcha wooly-joompa on it, ye? Dyanoteimean?

Eye doo, eye doo nowhatcha meen!

He's just a wannabe.

bawahahahah! Best comment I read about the Queen! I Am an instant fan of yours! Long live dan !LUV

Hey I resemble that remark! :wink: Pleasure to be met, smartypants. Let me know if I disappoint and I'll kick my ass for you. :wink again:

Come on, Freddy never disappoints! The Queen of Queens!

I was listening to the radio this morning and had to laugh out loud.

One of the reporter was obviously not a huge fan of the monarchy, and as talking about the queen, and all the conflicts she had witnessed, threw in .... "...but you realize that Britain has globally invaded all but 22 countries..."

Of course, that got me thinking ... Where have they not invaded? So, off to the Googles....

The list of 22 countries never invaded by Britain

Then they want on to talk about how much this is going to cost Canada. Changing the currency, replacing all the pictures in the gov't buildings etc etc.

Which of course made me think ... Damn, I'm glad she stuck around for 70 years, that was definitely economical.

Have a great weekend!

Economical it was!!!

I never thought about the cost involved in all those figurehead type things getting replaced.

When I read that she passed on a 1 billion estate too her son William I could feel my sympathies melting away somewhat. Damned empire had it's impact even to this day!!!

Have a great one mate!

Living in one of the colonys as we do, we are still under the monarchy... But the biggest argument about changing it is that it would cost too much!!

Poor Jamie had to go to work to deal with commiserations. He's not even a royalist but as he's English people think he must be affected by it. He couldn't give a fuck. However, saying that, we both acknowledge her as quite the woman. Still, there's no place for royalty. If you believe in equality you can't support a monarchy. Russell Brand did an excellent response to her death, sometimes he's a bit much but he really said it well, worth a watch.

As Landrover fans, we have an Instagram account and fuck me, all the Landrover community are posting endless pictures of her and Landrovers. Wtf. Is no one capable of more than generic grief? How about less platitudes and more critique and questioning of where to next? Because we sure as hell aren't following King Charles just because the fam drives a Landrover ffs

She was quite the woman but my god this expectation for us all to be started in black and beating our naked chests in the street is just madness!!

I will watch the Russell Brand thing, he is an arse but often good!

I just don't get the obsession. I was chatting to an elderly neighbour on the street and mentioned the Queen died and she nearly had a pink fit. I was held for twenty five minutes politely listening to her shock and love for the Queen, her love of Princess Di, her vehement feelings about.. which one of the boys left? Etc etc. I certainly regretted mentioning it... I was only making conversation! 😂

Thankfully in Scotland most people roll their eyes when she is mentioned. I would fecking die if I got caught in a conversation like that

Screenshot_2022-09-11-11-09-50-37.jpg

Hehehe, correct!

Yeah he nailed it.

That was a fast reply... I edited the comment too so you might have missed it.

Modern tech hey, me in the colonies at 7.12 am and you in Scotland at night and a text gets here at light speed... Wonders!

It's a good thing they mentioned that finishing up early thing, especially since you didn't bite on the "closed for a week" thing.

Since I'm in the USA, I don't have the attachment to the royals or what they are up too, but I did think the Queen was such a good woman, or at least her public persona made her seem that way. Charles on the other hand... well... out of respect for the Queen I'll leave what I think about him unsaid.

😄

I think everyone thinks exactly the same thing about the Queen and get erstwhile son. He is a nob.

At least, apart from being hideously wealthy they don't have any real power!

What a roundabout way to enquire about leaving work early for the day. How terribly blasphemous of you to be even be at work! Btw, I heard a CT that all her Corgis finally had at her in a vengeful furry pile on of viscous gnashing teeth, so much so, there was only a powder husk of bones with some wooden dentures left behind.

I twitched a little as if swimming and a Koi Carp had just tried to hoover up one of my fun bags.

😂I'll never look at Koi Carp the same way, but then again, they always creep me out a little anyway.

It wouldn't surprise me if the corgis did do that. Diesnt every beast eventually harbor thoughts of terrible misdeeds against their owner?

I kid you not, I was once sent a video of a man in a pool with koi and having sex with their mouths.

It was most disturbing!

LOL! Wellll.....a lawyer I know told me she stayed alive by sucking the life out of her corgis, so that's what came to mind. I would suggest a great deal of beasts do harbor such thoughts. I know my cats got me enough times. I know you can relate to that too. 😂

I kid you not, I was once sent a video of a man in a pool with koi and having sex with their mouths.

O M G. speechless moment That is more disturbing than I can imagine as it leaves permanent brain imagery damage in my mind. I don't like the really big Koi, made me kind of nervous, being over half the size of my arm.

They are pretty damn big and the opening mouth thing looks very freaky. Not as freaky was a dude who decides it looks a perfect receptacle for a penis right enough.

She was extraordinarily long lived. Perhaps corgis are the secret!

Not as freaky was a dude who decides it looks a perfect receptacle for a penis right enough.

LOL, at least you didn't say vacuum cleaner. You have heard about those, eh?

They are and that mouth reminds me of a sucker. They look like suckers with that mouth, minus the pretty colours. Nothing more disappointing than thinking you've got a big trout on your line, only to land a bottom feeding sucker that's massive with a mouth like a Koi.

She was extraordinarily long lived. Perhaps corgis are the secret!

This is why you need corgis, to keep your youth and vitality. 😂

I will get me a flock of corgis and nail them to my attic wall and feed off their life force remaining ever young! :OD

Yeah, that would suck... boom boom!!

LOL! A flock of corgis. You're going to need a bulk supplier from the sound of it.

Suck, yes indeed.

I have read of such fool and their injuries before. Madness man!

A flock for real! That way it send s a message out to the lizard people that I am ready and waiting to join da club! hahaha

I get that some people feel some attachment to her and so the media feel they have to get all respectful, but she was a very old lady and had a better life than most. It's sad for her family, but the rest of us can move on with a different face on the stamps. I'm not against the royals as people, but they are not gods.

The timing was not great as she went as our band was about to start a gig. Luckily they went ahead with it and no more was said. Another gig tomorrow at a festival that is not cancelling as thousands of people don't want to miss out and the pubs will be welcoming the business. The cost of living thing is not going away.

'God' save the king and all that. Shame the press still attack one of his kids despite him losing is mum as a kid and now his gran. The scumbags prey on celebrities.

The media are total scumbags in that regard. I was saying to the wife that it is sad when anyone dies but she certainly live a life apart and conformably above the rest of us mortals.

Bad news about the gig. Are you playing in the one tomorrow you mean? That sounds exciting!

Last night went ahead and tomorrow's should too. Will be my second time playing Balstock.