Hey baby, fancy switching things up a little?
I grabbed my Good Lady by the hips and attempted to drive her as if she were a tractor in a muddy field.
Git... Git bloody off!
She shook herself like President Biden after a debate with ole Trumpo.
Reluctantly I let her go but gave her a little twirl so she could look at my beaming handsomosity full on. Who could refuse this beguiling rogue of a Spaceship captain?
What do you mean, switch things up?
She had that look on her. The same look a Scotsman gets when seeing a corn dish which coincidentally is the same look a Scotsman gets when he opens the door and finds Jesus himself on the doorstep with his bloody big cross over one shoulder asking for a cup of sugar.
A corn dish! For real, I thought such things only existed in myth!
You know... tonight...
I trailed a fingertip over her wrist in my trademarked get your gums around my plums kinda move.
Boorish, I know. But if you build it, they will come etc...
Get to the point you bloody pest, can't you see I am busy?
She did indeed look busy. If busy meant walking about the house with random piles of clothing. I wondered if she was making a giant den. Would I be allowed in?
Well, we finished that Spanish show, you know the one where they all shouted at one another really fast and occasionally found a dead body?
I waved my hands about in an attempt to look Spanish but instead just looked like a cat swinging about with its claw stuck in a curtain.
Yes, so we are on the hunt for another show. Does that mean you have an idea?
Her face lit up now that she thought she might not be getting hosed down with the sea-foam gun later.
Well, what about Fallout?
I winced, fully expecting her to sneer dismissively at a show based on a game I had spent countless years of my life on.
Instead, she looked intrigued.
I read about that. You think it will be good?
She seemed genuinely interested which was baffling me no end.
Yeah, it will be awesome. It's set in a dystopian post-apocalyptic wasteland with monsters, guns and general madness. What's not to like?
My eyes gleamed as I imagined the two of us having a good chuckle whilst watching people die in a nuclear apocalypse.
Hmm, dunno, who's in it?
I was losing her. Fark?!
Um, I dunno. Some sexless chick and eh, that guy. That guy, you know, the dude from the Shield?
The Good Lady perked up instantly as if someone had crudely swatted her bahookie with an IKEA catalogue.
Who from the Shield... Who!?
Now her eyes were gleaming like a fox in the moonlight.
Um, not the fat guy. The other guy, Walter googly eyes or something?
I shrugged, names aren't my thing.
GOGGINS? Walter GOGGINS? Right, yes, great let's do this. Oh, this will be good.
She buzzed with happiness and I looked at her suspiciously.
You like this Goggins fellow?
I pretended not to care for the answer which was hard as she had started to pant like a golden retriever smelling pocket biscuits.
She nodded and bounced away to build her den with a decided spring in her step.
Bloody Gogglins, he better not try and steal my woman.
