Daddy, I am really nervous about my operation tomorrow.
The Little Lady looked up at me from her bed, her eyes wide with a hint of fear like a woodlouse exposed to the sun.
Hey, chicken pie. Don't you worry about a thing. It is relatively minor, they do these operations all the time. You will be fine.
I nodded wisely, knowing that she would be fine. I mean, these things were quite routine. I was sure all would be well.
She was going in to get her tonsils and adenoids out at the same time. For some reason, the Doctor who had been fussing about her Glue ear for a while had decided that cutting the fuck out of her inner neck might teach her ears a bit of a lesson.
Biology, huh?
So it was she had been booked in for an op and we were all doing our best to reassure her that everything would be ok and that we would spoil her rotten with chocolate, screens and ice cream after the event during her recovery.
She had been weirdly calm about it all. Only now, at bedtime two nights before her op it was all coming out.
I reached out and patted her arm in a way that I hoped evoked patience and understanding.
Can I ask something...?
She said quietly, almost shyly.
Of course darling, you know you can always ask me anything.
I smiled as I said that like a starfish eating the nipples of a drowned man. You know the anaesthetic... Well, I was wondering... What if I don't wake up after it? She looked at me, her eyes brimming with fear-tears. I made to laugh and reassure her with my honeyed words but I couldn't. I found myself assailed with a wave of grief at the very thought of my beautiful little lass not waking up after an operation that I had merrily signed her up for. I gulped a couple of times and tried to speak. Daddy? She looked at me as if I were a fig that no one knew how to eat. My mouth gaped like a mad fish once more as I attempted to tell her everything was going to be ok. Then I hiccuped and suddenly riding on the back of the hiccup a cross between a massive burp and a sob of grief burst forth from my mouth. REEEEAAAA-UUURP-UURRRP-UUURRRP DADDY?! What was that?! She laughed and attempted to punch me on the chest as if I were a hell dog trying to climb out of a drain. Um, I don't quite know. I think it was a burp? I regained the power of speech just in time to sound like a clueless moron. You are silly. She giggled and flumped down in her bed and dragged the quilt up to her chin. G'night, love you. She murmured, half smiling on her way to the land of nod. Goodnight, lass. Love you too. I retreated from the room and inwardly thanked my body for saving me from the not waking up question as I closed the door. Fucking hell, at least she seemed to have forgotten about it with the noise of my mad grief burp. But crikey, now I don't think I will be able to sleep.
That's right mofos, starfish eat meat. Bet you didn't know that eh? Maybe that will make you think twice about getting your naughty bits out in the Starfish enclosure at the local Sea-life Sex Club. Not to be confused with the Seal-Life Sex Club, that's a whole lotta different, noisier for a start.
