The Hanish

in #life3 days ago

meesterboom-the-hanish.jpg

Are you sure you can't stay in tonight?

The Good Lady was wearing a party dress, boots and stirring at a pot on the hob.

Whilst I found this scene witchily alluring, I remained focussed on my task of polishing my Hanish - a stout, nobbly length of wood about a foot long resembling one of those warty penises sported by tortoises and men from Colombia.

Afraid not lass, It is Hogmanay?

I said with a large but regretful smile.

Aw, but the neighbours are coming around and we have loads of good party food and drink in?

The Good Lady stuck a spoon in whatever barley concoction she was stirring and then tasted it. She nodded approvingly.

Aye, but lass, it's Hogmanay or as they say in old Gaelic, Huhg Mahnnay, the time when us men have to patrol the streets and help other men with their emotions.

I shrugged my shoulders as if I didn't make the rules.

It is a terrible time of year for men and their mental health. You know what men are like and we Scots are worse than average at bottling things up. That is why we have Huhg Mahnnay, which literally means "hug a man." We have to get out there and hug guys and let them know it is okay to be okay with their emotions.

I took a deep breath, I had never said so much in a single paragraph before and found it surprisingly tiring.

God, sometimes I forget you guys and the good work you do at this time of year.

She came over and hugged me resting her sweet-scented head on my shoulder.

It is a kindness and it is worth missing out on all the drinking and fun.

I sighed regretfully.

Then again, maybe I could have a wee snifter of Whisky to ward the cold off eh?

I grinned like a madman scenting whisky on a dogs testicles.

Let's make it a large one.

The Good Lady poured me a few fingers of a fine Lagavulin, it was only eight years old but literally shat on other brands of older whisky.

I threw it back and tucked my now shiny Hanish into the back of my jeans.

What exactly do you need the stick for again?

Asked the Good Lady, her cute little forehead rumpling up with curiosity like a hamster with a pine cone.

The stick? You mean the Hanish? Oh, it is just in case we run into any wild dogs. Give them a bit of a clout, you know.

I shrugged handsomely and patted her cheek.

Ha, those bloody wild dogs. You give them hell big guy. Conk one for me!

She went back to her pot of fetid grains that was simmering away.

I made a giddy up horsey face and set off out of the house.


Some minutes later in a darkened lane, I met up with a bunch of the guys.

Right dudes. We all got our Hanishes?

I looked at them sternly as they answered with a resouding Aye.

Right, you know the fucking drill. We go out there and if we catch even a sniff of a man showing emotion on this Hogmanay, we give them a beating. Got it?

Aye Cap'n!

They raised their Hanishes into the air as they shouted in acknowledgement.

We all took a swig from our large hip flasks and waited...

Nearby, a high keening noise came over the wind.

I jerked my head to the side then grinned wide.

Sounds like we got our first one. Come on men, let's batter the bastard!

We headed off, Hanish's held high, to batter the weak men of New Year's past.

My blood was pounding and I whooped for joy.

Happy Hogmanay you fuckers.


Author's note, some or all of this might be entirely made up and I might spend a happy evening indoors with my family and a bottle of fine Whisky. Happy New Year!

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We headed off, Hanish's held high, to batter the weak men of New Year's past.

Beat the strong ones. Don't interfere with the weak ones.
Happy New Year

There are all weak to the Hanish!! 😃😃

Happy new year!

haha awesome! I have never heard of this before. Here in the States, I guess the guys get together and watch sports, or play sports. Or in the old days, play Halo 1 or 2 via a network lol.

Hehe, online play is where it's at these days!

Happy new year when it comes dude!

haha indeed. Same to you!! I guess it is sooner for you than me! lol

Almost seven hours here!

almost 14 for me! haha

I shall be future man who will report in on next year to you past people 😃😃

LOL awesome, sounds good.

Greetings @meesterboom

Wishing you and your good lady a Happy and Prosperous New Year. ^__^

The world could use less weak men....

Until Next Year...Bleujay

Greetings milady.

A very happy and prosperous turning off the year to you to!

Less weak men, more strong everyone! 😃

The twist ending 😂

Is that stick the same as a shillelagh? That's what I'm picturing it to be

It was exactly a shillelagh I had in mind! 😃

Haha yeah 😂 I could invision it. It's a cool weapon. I would feel powerful walking around with one

Powerful and terrified that the police would catch you!! Heh heh

Haha that's true

Happy New Year

Lets hope its a good one, Boom.

Happy new year dude, it has to be a good one. It's the law of numbers or something! 😃😃

Happy new year, very well written

Cheers and Happy New Year!

That is why we have Huhg Mahnnay, which literally means "hug a man."

That sounds gay af

Hahaha, totally does. Thank fuck I made it up!

I never can tell with you Scottish folk.. I mean even the men wear dresses.. 😆 🤣

That ain't no dress...

Han Solo in a galaxy far far away...

😃😃

Nice writing there, not easy for not native English 😅

Happy new year

Haha, I can imagine some of it might be a struggle. I think she is it is a struggle for native English speakers!! 😃😃

🤣 Let's see next ones

I think they are usually more decipherable 😃

Happy new year
I wish you the very best

Happy new year!

yeah.... SOME.... or ALL OF THIS MAY BE MADE UP !

I'd hate to be the woman a beaten man came home too. Where would be the respect in that ??!!

This ads making the screen jump up and down whilst I type.... not that is something I WISH was made up !

Is that a peakd ad?. It's so you can switch em off in the settings! Best thing I ever did.

Yas indeed, there will be no bearings tonight. The world of weak men is safe 😃😃

Happy new year chick! Very shortly 😃

I did what they said to turn them off, but alas, it may have turned them off from showing on mine, but it didn't turn it off so I don't see it on other people's posts. At least I did what was said to do over in snaps when it first started.

I dunno.... I'll have to look at it again.

Happy New Year !

Aw that is flaps!

I had to do it on both my lappie and myh phone but it worked a treat. Mibbe the switch flipped back on. I absolutely hated them when they were there. Intrusive as fuck!

Happy new year milady! :O)

Yeah.... I am looking at one right now between your last post and where I am typing now. I don't know why Hive had to crappy themselves up with the mess. Just now again, the ad on the right side made the page jump while I am typing.

Not your fault..... but I'm seeing two on my screen as I finish this.

When I was seeing them they blocked me from hitting reply and something else that was annoying. Made scrolling really hard and slow

I mentioned in their post that it was kak. I don't think they would earn enough from it for it to be useful. They should stick to getting money from the DHF!

Just logged off work and came back to find that indeed, the switch was back ON.

Heffers ! hee hee

The mother-heffers!!!

Get that switch off and get back to enjoying ad-free hiving 😃😃😃

Thanks for the education on your local customs. I almost misread the title as my bro-in-law is a Hamish. He never told me about this hugging thing. Just keep bottling up those emotions and have a good one.

All the best for 2025.

Always got to keep them bottled up. Can't have them escaping and wreaking havoc!!

All the best for you and the family Steve!

some or all of this might be entirely made up and I might spend a happy evening indoors with my family and a bottle of fine Whisky.

LOL, I was thinking... the farther north, the more they integrate with their neighbours for a sec..., good to hear it's all bullshit 😀

Here..., it's non existent.. down south you may as well not exist.

Some of our neighbours are quite community oriented and go around the houses wishing Happy New Year and coming in for a drink. Some years I have hidden with the lights out but I fear that I might be getting known as anti social so have decided to make the effort not to hide this year but Nobody is getting to stay long!

We are obsessed with new year up here, it is very bizarre. At least these days I am in the warm and not in some square in the freezing cold trying to hold my pee in!

That's not at all like here, even in the frozen north. I barely know the neighbours. One side lives a bitch who won the lottery, the other side are OK and opposite lives a drug lord.

Man, you have done proper characters there! Our neighbours are all old and restored practically. Apart from the parents. It's quite depressing suburbia!!

Drug dealer has a fleet of Audi's and BMW, and does not work. What else could he be?

That sounds exactly like a drug dealer!

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Happy New Year to you and yours! It's time to get on with 2025! Keep those emotions in check lol

Damn tootin, cant have them escaping and bothering the good folk of the town. Whatever next, people holding hands and being happy in public!?

:OD

Happy New Year lass, 2025 will be a cracker I am sure! :OD

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Happy new year chaps!

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Happy New Year to you too!

Always happy to help on this! Happy new year!

I'm reading an awful lot of subtext here XD

Hehe, you know Ithink you could be on to something! lol

Drinking whisky to get rid of sore throat and keep the cold away does work. Or at least I have convinced myself it does. Especially during these days with all that shait weather.

Happy new year! 🥳

Happy new year mate!!!

I like that kind of convincing 😃😃

Thanks mate! 🥃🥃

No runny nose for me anymore and sore throats are history. 😄👍

Yesterday's choice was Tomintoul. So smoooooth, it almost wanted me to start smoking a cigar.

But smoking is bad, so I only kept drinking.

Slàinte Mhath!

Let the good times roll and hope that 3025 will be the year of awesomeness!

Cheers!!

Happy new year Boomy!

I wish you a 2025 of health and serenity which, in my opinion, are the most important things and naturally all seasoned with flashes of happiness!
May it be a year that can give you everything you desire, obviously extend the wishes to your family.

And may it be for us a year of glory and victories, the year in which we will defeat damned reptilians and rise up reaching the supreme power!

A big hug My Friend!

Those are the things we should definitely hope for, for the year agreed. Happy new year old chap! All the best to you and your family!

Down with the reptilian overlords!

Down with the reptilian overlords!✊


Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @joanstewart for you. Enjoy it!

Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your BEER.

Aw you up North have so many tales to spin, think is safest to stay in with the Whisky warm by the fireside.

Hope you had a great Hogmanay, then Steak Pie for breakfast this morning, shot of Whisky for the cold in some tea helps....

Wishing you a great 2025!

!BEER

I really hope you have a better year agreed missy. All the best and happy new year!

Yeah really hope so too.... All the best in the cold up there!

Than you! It's big scarf time!!

Meltdown in Durban for next couple of day over 30C.... Plus humidity add 5 to that!

Ooft. That's tough weather to survive in! We have had some "normal" winter weather this week so it's actually been cold. Yup took now it's been quite pleasant but wet!

Summer rain doesn't help long term, when sun comes out it's hotter and more humid... Air conditioners a life saver during these month, act deaf, dumb and stupid with electricity bill later!

In the start of the read, its 's all gibberish then I get the hang of it before the flip side twist of the notorious doing the opposite. Lovely read and a typical reaction I must add.

Happy New Year @meesterboom80 🎊🎉

Happy new year lass, I like to write battle discernible gibberish 😃😃

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