Just two days ago(31st December,2024), I reconciled with a childhood friend of mine who hurt me in 2022. If my memory serves me right, it means I wasn’t talking to him for 2 years. And now that I think of it, I regret every bit of it. 2 years wasted because of some unnecessary grudge. All the memories we could have created, all the help we could have rendered, all the times we could have had each other’s backs. The thing is, I was hurt and as weird as it sounds, I actually forgot what he did to me and totally forgot about him but I lingered in pain all that time. And that’s not the only pain I’ve been carrying all this while.
There were days I knew something was wrong with me but couldn’t even figure out what and why. After a lot of reflections, I realized that I’ve been deceiving myself for a long time and I know but haven’t had the courage to open that can of worms. I say I forgive people but to be very honest, I don’t. I hold on to things for years. I could actually forget what someone did to me but between myself and I, there’s always a shelf collecting and storing names of those people.
Visiting that shelf, a lot of things made so much sense to me. There are people I completely cut off even after claiming I forgave them for what they did to me. The sad part is most of these people were my day ones. People who grew up with me and had my back all the time. People who loved me for who I am and always wanted to see me happy.
I’ve heard a lot of things about forgiveness and letting go. I know most of the things that there is to know but I can’t understand why it’s so hard to do it. I know it’s not going to be easy and I have no idea where to start from but I believe reconciling with my childhood friend few hours before the start of the year was the sign I needed. I have already began learning how to properly forgive and let go.
I kept on sighing while writing this because I didn’t think this little thing had this huge emotional impact on me. It really was no fun coming to terms that this was actually a hindrance pulling me back all this while especially in 2024. But the most important thing is, I have identified the root cause and I’m ready to keep working on myself till things get better.
Images are mine
