This year taught me a whole lot of things and the most profound of them all was to defeat fear and pursue peace as if my life depends on it.
Sometimes we let fear of the unknown hold us back, cripple our souls and prevent us from actually living.
What if I lose my job?
What if I lose money?
What if I lose my relationship?
What if they find out?
There is a lot of what if that are all backed by fear of the end result of what our lives will look like if these our fears finally come to pass. So we keep fighting to hold on to things that are supposed to be let go of.
Last year i was so afraid of losing my job and the thought of it got me depressed. This year, I eventually left that same job and what happened?
Nothing really because here am I, still breathing
Still surviving.
My friend who happened to be in that same work called me few days ago because she needed someone to talk to outside of work. According to her she doesn't trust anyone again as opening up to the wrong person can put her in a whole lot of trouble at work. I felt sorry for her and when we ended the call i was happy that I have defeated that aspect of fear in my life.
FEAR OF WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY This is another aspect of self imprisonment that most people put themselves through. I used to be a rebellious lady but somehow I lost that part of me as i started minding what people think about me. When I have a failed relationship, I was so desperate to make it work again because I was so scared of what people will say about me. I was scared that people will judge me wrongly and have a negative view about my personality. So I tried so hard to make it work and also to let people know that i am not a bad person.
But you cannot change people's opinion about you even if the truth is so obvious in front of them.
People believe that they want to believe.
It took me a long time to realise this and when I finally did, I stopped trying. I even bought a book titled the subtle art of not giving a fuck hoping that it will help deal with my fears of how some people perceived me.
I stopped explaining myself to people and I returned back to living for me and not for others. My no remained no and I will never explain to make you feel better. Finally I have always have that fear that if I stopped showing up in one certain group in the church, they will say that maybe I am just guilty of every bad things said against me. This made me to show up despite how uncomfortable that I am with such group of people. Well I stopped showing up and I felt so relieved.
Emancipated.
I will miss some of the good friends that I have come to love there but 2023 have taught me to pursue PEACE OF MIND.
This remained the greatest lesson that I learnt this year and so far I am enjoying the peace and serenity around me.
IF IT WILL COST ME MY PEACE THEN I CAN'T AFFORD IT.
