I often heard that funerals are not for the dead but the living. My folks (parents and grandparents) often said that.
When I was young, this saying sounded even stupid to me. I mean, how could it be that the funerals are not for the dead?! If someone is not dead, there wouldn't be a funeral. Right?!? Common logic! At least, that's how I thought about it back then, and for a long time, I didn't catch the true meaning behind it.
The same goes for the saying that the dead gather the living. As a young girl, I thought my folks were nuts. How can they even think someone dead would be able to organize any gathering?! Of course, I took it literally!
And then, in my early twenties, my grandma died, and over a sudden, I understood all of it at once. Family, friends, some more distant relatives, and many others (some of which we didn't see for years) were all there, even those for ages being in some quarrel and not speaking with each other.
At the after-funeral gathering party, observing all of it, and at some spare moment I managed to catch, I recall that I whispered in the air, "Congratulations, grandma! You did it! You managed to bring them all together again!"
But that's not all that I learned back then. Long before she died, my grandma asked me to promise her that I would not wear black when she dies, especially not for weeks or even months (as it's a custom here for closest family members), not to be sad because she is gone but celebrate life, keep smiling and laughing, and live my life at its fullest by bringing in the future only the good memories and build upon.
It was an extremely tough promise to make for me as a teenage girl, but she was very determined and persistent. I only managed to "negotiate" wearing black clothes just at the funeral as my mom would otherwise kill me. Thank God she knew my mom very well, not to realize I might really get in trouble in the opposite case scenario. But, I had to promise her I would not wear black a single day after, and all the rest.
When my grandma died, it was hard to keep the promise when it comes to not being sad, but I tried my best, just as she taught me, by keeping the good memories and bringing them into the future and building upon them with all the colors and the smile on my face.
Although I still miss her and sometimes catch myself thinking how it would be nice if I could just call her to ask her something like how she made that compote or jam, in overall I kept my promise.
Last Tuesday evening, my husband's colleague and our friend died. He was an excellent and rarely knowledgable medical doctor who helped and healed many, some of them even miraculously.
Last five years, he was dealing with some ugly autoimmune disease, and last week he, unfortunately, lost that battle. His name was Aleksandar. We called him Saša (Sacha).
He was an amiable and cheerful man, often quite funny. Professionally he was a very dedicated, unselfish, and by all means pro-life-oriented medical doctor working with his patients even from his sickbed till the last day.
Today was his funeral. Besides his wife, children, and family members, many colleagues, friends, and patients were there. We met people we never thought we would see there.
Almost the same thought that hit me after my grandma's funeral hit me again today, "Congratulations, Saša! You did it! You managed to gather us all!"
Besides that, during the funeral ceremony, I couldn't get rid of the feeling like he was standing next to me, gesturing and telling me, "Tell them not to be stupid and mourn after me. I am fine! Tell them to celebrate life."
Although he was that type of guy capable of saying something like that in such a situation, it was a strange feeling.
Still, I believe it's the right attitude, no matter how hard it might be. We should celebrate life and be thankful that we are alive. I am! And as long as we walk on this earth, we should spread that light of life.
Through his selfless and sacrificial work as a physician, Saša showed us one of the ways how to spread that light. Thank you for that, and rest in peace, dear old friend!
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