Hello and a very good day to everyone.
This is my twelfth piece on Ladies of Hive community and I hope the readers enjoy it. I am thankful to @lemonade1 to tag me in her post. It got me thinking if I wanted to write again. So, here I am. I was very much challenged to write this post because I am mostly unsure of myself. I am mostly unsure of my actions too. I have not known a person who is 100% sure about them.
1️⃣ Is there anything you see inside of yourself you're not sure of?
I am mostly unsure of how to deal with things and situations in my life. I am not one to say, as I have little to do with complex situations like adults but I often feel not any less. Everyone has their share of worries.
From a really young age I have been living in fear of doing wrong, that is why I think I am mainly haunted by the thought of doing wrong that I am unsure of my actions. Deep inside I am well aware of where my actions will lead me. Actually, that is the truth. I do all the possible calculations that I can. Being rational, I try to judge myself but there are times I lose control but that is not the time that I falter.
A few months ago, I was way too furious with my friend's problems and I was in turmoil already. It was night and I was in the dark in my room. At that very moment, my sister rushed into the room, switched on the lights, looked at my swollen face, and started to scream her head off. I was the one conflicted in pain, so I was not ready for her outburst. My rational self stood up and screamed at her back.
I was the one in pain but she was the one screaming at me because I was in pain. Now, that is pure stupidity. But, it is also caring. She should have put more attention to my situation than her emotions. She always gets confused with her emotions and the others. Now, when I look back I wonder if it was right for me to scream back.
Inside, my soul was already hurt. The least I would want is to be out in the open and be screamed out about it. She wanted to know but I wasn't wanting to tell. You are not always in the phase to share things.
Within me, I see a self who is fearful of the darkness in people. I see a me, who is reluctant to confront rage. From a young age, I have been like that. I have always hated arguments, raging up, and conflicts, such events always bothered me a lot. I am not the kind of person to get involved in conflicts. Not at all.
But, you know, I am not fearful of the darkness in a room. I can stay comfortably in a dark room, cozy. I am not sure if I hate the darkness in people either, cause I have seen movies with such conflicts, and also there are plenty of shows in real life itself.
I am not afraid of the dark but there is something that I am not settled with. I am unsure of what it is and that bothers me. I know that there isn't an answer to all questions but incomplete things are always bothersome.
What my sis did was not right. What I did, was my only score. Interestingly, she didn't drag it, or else I would have had a hard time dealing with it. I barely shout out or snort. It is not my thing. It surprised me that I reacted in that way but now I know that I did it because something inside of me was unsettled. And, even now, I don't understand what is bothering my peaceful state of mind.
Thank you all. I hope you won't be judging me. Please leave your review. Have a good day.
Image Source : Photo by Abbie Bernet on Unsplash
