Hello Hivers! @baby.magic here, back again with another funny story that will surely put a smile on all yo' faces.
So let's get to it.
Why fake it?
I remember this radio talk show back in college talking about the difference between a straight and a gay dude. There were 3 hosts, all of which are straight, and so they were talking about how to tell them apart. And the show went like this,..
[After the intro]
Host1: They say gay dudes can't get an erection so that's how you know.
Host2: No man! Gay dudes can get an erection too.
Host1: Really? How do you know? [Laughing]
Host2: Well, I know some gay people and they told me about it. I mean think about it. How else are they gonna fuck each other in the butt if they can't get a fucking erection?
[All hosts laughing]
Host1: Makes sense.
And you just know from there on out this show was gonna be hilariously epic. So the host told all the listeners that there is a chatroom if you wanted to join in on the conversation. And then they continued talking,
Host3: So if gay dudes can get an erection then they can pretend to be straight by having sex with women. Yes?
Host2: Yes. There are a lot of them who do that. I don't know why but they do it.
Host1: They'd probably light a cigarette after doing it coz they're grossed about it.
[All laughing]
Host3: He's probably thinking in his head "What am I doing? I should be out there having sex with men. But NOOO! Coz you need to do it with women coz there are no faggots in the family."
Host2: Dad was probably a cop.
[All laughing]
Host1: Does it feel good though? When they do it.
Host2: Depends.
Host3: What do you mean?
Host2: If he did it with a straight woman then it would feel good but if it's with a lesbian then it wouldn't.
Host3: Really?
Host2: What? You've never done it with a lesbian before?
Host3: No.
Host1: I have.
Host3: And?
Host1: It didn't feel good at all. It felt like I'd been conned.
[All laughing]
Host1: It felt like I was being punished. Like I was a prisoner given a laborious task.
Host2: So why didn't you stopped?
Host1: Because... if I pulled out then I would have to jerk it off to let it all out. And given a choice of masturbating using your hand or a real pussy, I pick pussy.
[All laughing]
Host3: So it's the same as masturbating.
Host1: Yes but with natural lubricants.
Host2: A lesbian's pussy doesn't feel good but there is a workaround though.
Host1: Really?
Host2: Party drugs. It makes their pussies ticklish.
Host1: Is it the same with gay dudes?
Host2: It works for them too.
Host3: Then there's no way to tell them apart.
Host2: There is.
Host1: How?
Host2: They're both ticklish but there is a difference. I don't know how to describe it to you but if you really wanna know, try doing it with a lesbian on ecstacy and with a straight woman so you know.
Host1: Party drugs are not good for you man. They make you sick in the head.
Host3: And you could die from it too.
Host2: The way I see it. If they wanna keep on pretending to be straight by using ecstacy or crystal meth then they only have 3 options.
One, they can go to prison if they get caught doing drugs.
Two, they can get sick in the head and go crazy.
And three, they'd get exposed.
And I think they'd rather pick one or two rather than number three and be exposed.
Host1: I wouldn't call it much of an option.
[All laughing]
Host3: Anywhere you choose it still ends up bad for you.
[All laughing]
And the host told all the listeners that there is a number you can call if you wanted to share your knowledge about the topic. And sure enough the phone rang,..
Host2: Hello! Who's this?
The caller didn't even tell the hosts his name and just went straight to his point.
Caller: I just wanna say man, if it feels good having sex with a woman then that only means you're straight.
[Hosts giggling in the background]
Host2: Really? So you're telling me if it feels good then you're straight.
Caller: Yeah man!
Host2: Well, I've done it with a lesbian and it didn't feel good. So does that mean I'm gay?
Caller: Probably.
Host2: What?! Get a load of this guy.
[Hosts laughing]
Host2: Well, I've done it with a straight woman too and it felt great. So I guess that makes me straight, Ha?
Caller: Definitely man.
Host2: So sometimes I'm gay and sometimes I'm straight.
[Hosts laughing]
There was something wrong with this caller and I think the hosts were sensing it too so I went to the chatroom and flooded it with the message,. "ASK HIM ABOUT THE BUTTERFLIES?" And the host read it and was laughing when he ask the caller,..
Host2: Have you seen the magic butterflies?
Caller: What butterflies?
All the hosts were laughing coz the caller didn't know about the butterflies. And I'm pretty sure everyone listening who knew about the butterflies were laughing too coz I know I was. And then the host said,..
Host2: Looks like we caught ourselves a fish.
[Hosts laughing]
Host3: Hook, line and sinker.
[Hosts laughing]
The caller was probably confused coz he was just silent. I know he is already confused about his self but the butterflies just added to his confusion. And then the host asked the caller,..
Host2: How many women have you slept with?
Caller: A lot, man![Laughing]
[Hosts giggling in the background]
Host2: You're telling me you've done it with multiple women before but you never saw the butterflies? Not once?
[Dead air]
Host2: Well, if you're straight like you say you are and you've experience sex then the butterflies would have appear in front of your eyes already.[Laughing]
The hosts were really having a great time with this caller coz he had no idea what they were talking about. But the caller wasn't ready to throw in the towel yet so he told the host,..
Caller: Oh, yeah the butterflies. I remember now.
Host2: Really?
Caller: Yeah, man. I've seen the butterflies before.
Host2: You sure?
Caller: Yes. 100%.
So the host set up his trap to end this once and for all. And the host said,..
Host2: Well, there's only one way to find out if you're telling the truth or not. What color are they?
It took the caller a few seconds to come up with an answer coz he was probably over-analyzing the hole he was in and then he answered,..
Caller: Green.
And everyone just burst into laughter. It was fucking hilarious I think I cracked a rib from laughing.
And the caller was just silent not knowing he just got exposed. So the host told him,..
Host2: It's not green you moron. It's blue.
[Hosts laughing in the background]
And the caller probably panicked and tried to save himself and said,..
Caller: I know they're blue, man. I was talking about the caterpillars.
And everyone burst into laughter again. I know it's not as funny as when you're just reading it but if you were listening to that show you'd cry from laughing. But the caller just won't give up and he still won't hang up the phone. So the host went back to him and said while laughing,..
Host2: What caterpillars? There's no caterpillars you moron its just butterflies.
And the host continued laughing but the caller was still on the line. I don't know why he hasn't hang up the phone yet I think he was probably waiting for a miracle to happen so the host asked him his name and finally he hangs up. But the host had this to say to him,...
Host2: We know you're listening you moron. You didn't tell us your name but guess what... we have caller id.
And the hosts continued laughing and went for a commercial break after that.
This story is exclusively funny only to those who have seen the butterflies and to those who haven't then you know what you are. These magic butterflies are sacred to us and we never share the details about them to anybody but only to those who we are allowed to. It is ancient knowledge dating back to the time of Adam and has been passed on for generations. If you've committed a crime against the butterflies because you didn't know what they are, what they're for and why they showed themselves to you because you didn't get educated about them then need not worry because you can always ask the help of the best legal counselor in the business. Who am I talking about?
Elvis Presley.
Yes, ladies and gents. Elvis is very much alive. Immortalized by the Sacred Order of the Bros for his great contributions on how to pick up girls.
Elvis the Genius
If you wanna know what Elvis' contributions are then let me share to you what he did. It is common knowledge that when a woman sees a good-looking man then she would be attracted to him. But if that man turned out to be gay then women would feel that it's such a waste for a pretty boy like that to be gay.
Elvis in his bright mind saw this as an opportunity. It was like he's figured out something no one has until him.
So the plan was to go to a beauty salon and get a manicure and a pedicure. During his time, getting a mani and a pedi was a woman's thing and if a man asks for one then he is a faggot.
So he enters the salon in his leather jacket and sits on the chair and asks for a mani and a pedi. All the heads turned towards him and everyone started talking about him. Why would a good-looking man like him who talks in a deep voice and looks very straight ask for a mani and a pedi. All the women in the salon were confused whether he's gay or not. Until someone from the group, this woman was the one most interested in Elvis, asked him if he was gay. So Elvis told her,..
"Why don't you and me go back to my hotel room and we find out together."
BOOM!
And Elvis leaves the salon together with the woman and they have sex.
One move.
One fucking move and it's CHECKMATE.
She CHECKS and He MATES.
What Elvis did was unthinkable. A stroke of genius. No man in his right mind would go to a salon and ask for a mani and a pedi especially in the '60s. But he did and he was right. And word spread out like wildfire and everyone did it.
And this was before Elvis became a Rockstar.
Another great thing he did was using music to get laid. Before Elvis showed up, everyone was listening to country and gospel music. And the women in the audience would just sit in their chairs and listen to this long and boring show. But Elvis changed all that. Back then, young women were told to suppress their sexual desires up until they get married. You could say women were deprived of sex back then and Elvis saw this problem.
So one day, Elvis shows up in a concert with his band with one goal in mind. And that's to liberate all the women in that concert from their shackles. And so Elvis went to the stage, looked at all the women in the audience and started singing. And then he started rockin' and rollin' with his vulgar moves and all the women in that concert were confused. They've never experienced this kind of feeling before. Their pussies were all wet.... and they felt like they just want to let it all out.
So all the women stood up, went to the front of the stage where Elvis was. And they lifted their skirts and took off their panties and throw it at Elvis' face.
And the "Go Out There and Get Laid" Revolution started.
They don't teach you this on public schools which is a shame. Something as historical as this should be taught in schools. Anyhow.
All the women in the world are grateful to Elvis for what he did for them back in the day. They actually made a monument of him which is in a top-secret location. The monument look like this,.. Elvis is raising his one hand in the air holding a bra to symbolize how much we like to look at boobies. And the other hand is holding a panty close to his nose like he was sniffing it to emphasize the importance of pussies in our society. And the sculptor made sure to give him a well-defined boner. All the women in the world congregate in this secret location once a year to celebrate Elvis in the same way the world celebrate Jesus during Christmas. True story.
I don't know how to end this
Before I end this post, I just wanna say that it is so good to be back writing for this community again. And I realized I just wrote a 2.4K-words post so I hope you were all entertained by it.
And the magic butterflies topic is a very long and funny topic which is exclusive only to all who have seen it. We conduct seminars about it which lasts for years and its a continuous learning process. I don't know what terms other races used or what analogy they used but I'm pretty sure it's the same concept. I watched the Game 1 of the Lakers vs Nuggets and I saw Jokic at the end of the game poking his palm with his finger and that means something to us. I'm not sure if its the same where his from.
And that's the end of the post.
If you like this post let me know in the comments section.
And my name is @baby.magic & that's it for now. Jah bless!
Any upvotes, follows and reblogs is greatly appreciated.
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