ENGLISH.
Greetings to all the beautiful and persevering ladies of this community, Ladies of Hive.
I was not planning to participate in the contest scheduled for this week, maybe I was not interested at first, because I found the questions very difficult to answer, because it confronts us with situations which, in my case, I would not like to remember, and with others that I find it difficult to recognize. But I think it is also healthy to bring out a little of those experiences that we only tell ourselves, maybe by sharing them, some may feel identified.
Is there something you see inside yourself that you are not sure about?
One of the things that still makes me insecure at certain times has been my smile, I remember when I was very small, being in elementary school I was always very sociable, in any game I was there, at that time I was not shy at all. As I grew up and physical changes began, one of the things that produced a significant change in me was my teeth, as my teeth began to deform in such a way that I no longer liked to smile.
Being in high school and being already a teenager, I had to endure some teasing and offensive words from some people because of that deformity, although there were always very few who made fun of me, for me it was very hard, so much so that sometimes when I looked at myself in the mirror I hated myself.
Years went by and I became an adult and it was getting worse, I almost never smiled and if I did I closed my mouth to not show my teeth, I always thought that people would only notice my teeth, I remember that some people told me that I hardly noticed, I think they were people who were so fond of me that they tried to encourage me with those words, because I really did notice that deformity and that hatred I felt when I looked in the mirror was getting worse.
Until one day when I was engaged to be married, I got the opportunity to fix my teeth, I talked to my husband who at that time was my boyfriend and between the two of us we paid for the orthodontics, after 3 years they removed the braces and you can not imagine how happy I was to be able to smile again with such freedom as when I was a 5 year old girl, but although in almost all my photos now I go out with a smile, there are still some moments when I do not feel confident to smile.
Another serious insecurity in my life and that is a constant struggle is the thought that I do not do things well, I am almost always dissatisfied with what I do, as a child I had a person very close to me who constantly told me that I was gross, I grew up with that idea in my head and so I lived much of my life, I thank God that I have been overcoming it little by little, the experience of living for God has taught me that he has created us all with extraordinary gifts, that we all have important missions to accomplish, I do not say that I have totally overcome that, but I do not give up, I keep going forward, taking risks, knowing that if we never try, then we will never know if we can achieve it.
What is the childhood fear that you haven't told anyone yet?
Thinking about this brings back very hard moments of my childhood, my main fear as a child was always my father, sadly he was a very hostile man, everything seemed bad to him, if he saw me running, playing, watching TV he would get upset, it was very difficult to live with him.
I remember as a child I used to wet my bed, that was super embarrassing and terrible for me, every time I went to bed and in the course of the night I wet my bed, just thinking that my dad would notice, was something that gave me a lot of fear, since he would surely give me a spanking, apart from the ridicule I would receive from my older siblings. My father died when I was 10 years old and since then I never wet my bed.
Another fear as a child that I have not spoken to anyone, was to think about the day when my mother would die, many times at night I would ask God to take care of her and to give her life for many years, well my beautiful mother is still alive, although I know that someday she will surely leave this world, I will miss her very much and I would like her to be eternal, I have understood that everything is part of this life and there are things that are out of our hands and although we do not like them we have to accept them.
And another fear as a child and still present, is having a snake appear to me and having no idea what my reaction is going to be like.
Blessings to all, thanks for reading me.💕🌷
Pictures taken with my Motorola Moto G8 Power and from the Memory Chest.
ESPAÑOL.
Saludos a todas, damas hermosas y perseverantes de esta comunidad, Ladies of Hive.
Les cuento que no pensaba participar en el concurso pautado para esta semana, a lo mejor no me había interesado al principio, porque me parecieron preguntas muy difíciles de responder, ya que nos enfrenta con situaciones de las cuales, en mi caso, no quisiera recordar, y con otras que me cuestan reconocer. Pero creo que también es sano sacar un poco esas vivencias que solamente nos contamos a nosotras mismas, puede ser que compartiendolas, algunas se puedan sentir identificadas.
Hay algo que ves dentro de ti misma de lo cual no estás segura?
Una de las cosas por la cual aún en ciertos momentos me trae inseguridad ha sido mi sonrisa, recuerdo que cuando era muy pequeña, estando en primaria siempre fui muy sociable, en cualquier juego estaba yo, en ese entonces no era nada tímida. A medida que fui creciendo y empezaron los cambios físicos, una de las cosas que produjo un cambio significativo en mí fue mi dentadura, ya que mis dientes empezaron a deformarse de tal manera que ya no me gustaba sonreir.
Estando en bachillerato y siendo ya una adolescente, tuve que soportar algunas burlas y palabras ofensivas de algunos debido a esa deformidad, aunque siempre fueron muy pocos los que se burlaban, para mí fue muy duro, tanto que a veces al mirarme al espejo me odiaba.
Pasaron los años me volví adulta y cada vez era peor, casi nunca sonreía y si lo hacía cerraba mi boca para no mostrar mis dientes, siempre pensaba que las personas solo se fijarían en mi dentadura, recuerdo que algunos me decían que casi ni se me notaba, creo que eran personas que me tenían tanto aprecio que me trataban de animar con esas palabras, porque realmente yo si notaba esa deformidad y ese odio que sentía al mirarme al espejo era cada vez peor.
Hasta que un día estando comprometida para casarme, me llegó la oportunidad de arreglarme mis dientes, hablé con mi esposo que en ese entonces era mi novio y entre los dos pagamos la ortodoncia, pasaron unos 3 años me quitaron los aparatos y no se imaginan la felicidad que me dio poder sonreir otra ves con tal libertad que cuando era una niña de 5 años, pero aunque en casi todas mis fotos de ahora salgo con una sonrisa, todavía hay algunos momentos en las que no me siento segura al sonreir.
Otra gra inseguridad en mi vida y que es una lucha constante es el pensar que no hago las cosas bien, casi siempre quedo insatisfecha con lo que hago, cuando niña tuve una persona a mi lado muy cercana a mí que me decía constantemente que era bruta, fui creciendo con esa idea en mi cabeza y así viví gran parte de mi vida, gracias a Dios que eso lo he ido superando poco a poco, el experimentar vivir para Dios me ha enseñado que nos ha creado a todas con dones extraordinarios, que todas tenemos misiones importantes que cumplir, no digo que eso ya lo superé totalmente pero no me rindo, sigo adelante, arriesgando, sabiendo que si nunca lo intentamos, entonces nunca sabremos si podemos lograrlo.
Cual es el miedo de la infancia que aún no has contado a nadie?
Pensar en esto me trae a la memoria momentos muy duros de mi infancia, mi miedo principal de niña, siempre fue mi padre, tristemente el fue un hombre muy hostil, todo le parecía mal, si me veía corriendo, jugando, mirando televisión se molestaba, era muy dificil vivir con él.
Recuerdo que de niña me orinaba en la cama, eso era super vergonzoso y terrible para mí, cada vez que me acostaba y en el transcurso de la noche mojaba mi cama, solo el pensar que mi papá se daría cuenta, era algo que me daba mucho temor, ya que seguro me iba a dar de correazos, aparte de la burla que iba a recibir de mis hermanos mayores. Mi padre muere cuando yo tenía 10 años y desde ese entonces más nunca mojé mi cama.
Otro miedo de niña que no he hablado con nadie, era en pensar en el día en que llegara la muerte de mi madre, muchas veces en las noches le pedía a Dios que la cuidara y que le de vida por muchos años, bueno mi bella mamá aún esta viva, aunque se que con seguridad algún día dejara este mundo, la voy a super extrañar y que quisiera que fuera eterna, he comprendido que todo es parte de esta vida y hay cosas que escapan de nuestras manos y aunque no nos gusten hay que aceptarlas.
Y otro miedo de niña y que sigue presente aún, es el que me aparezca una serpiente y no tener ni idea de como va a ser mi reacción.
Bendiciones para todas, gracias por leerme.💕🌷
Fotos tomadas con mi Motorola Moto G8 Power y del Baul de los Recuerdos.
