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I have always been quite the dreamer, fantasizing about perfection and yearning for things I know were impossible to acquire. There were a lot of things I wish I could change about myself. My height for example was one of them. Whenever I was alone or saw someone tall walk by, I would quickly drift into neverland, visualizing things I would do if I was at least 6 feet tall, had the perfect nose, a complete beard, an incredible etc as to me these were major upgrades that will boast my confidence and aid overcome my insecurities.
Over time I came to accept that this was who I am, I had no control over a lot of these things I had hoped for as genetics seems to play a huge role in those aspects and that was completely fine, I can't win against nature. Accepting these "shortcomings" as I would call them opened my eyes to how unique they were and serving as everything that makes me - the me i am. The traits I did have control over, either evolved, adapted, changed or I completely got as they were holding me back. Even though I am quite happy with who I am, there still things I wish I could change about my life. The most prominent feature happens to be Altruism.
Now I recently discovered this word as I felt using ' putting people first' sounds like a dead giveaway (laughs). Altruism in simpler terms means complete selflessness, putting people's well-being before your very own. Although this trait is usually celebrated as one of the best traits humans exhibit, it has cost me countless opportunities in life and created the access for people to take advantage of me.
In 2017, my dad came down with a partial stroke on the very day I was supposed to register for Jamb ( an examination that determines admission into tertiary institutions for an undergraduate). We had to rush him to the hospital for immediate treatment and I instantly knew I had to put my educational ambitions on pause. Since I already had a job, I completely immersed myself into it. I had to work all 7 days of the week so I make ends meet, aid with what ever i can with help from my mother. This continued till 2019 I had no savings, a dying dream and nothing to comfort myself until I decided to use what little I could save to register for jamb. When I got admission I told my family and the first my brother told me was "who was going to shoulder the responsibility of the household". As innocent as that statement was, it still hurts that they all want me to sacrifice my education completely because I was helping out at home. I went into school and guess what, we are all still surviving even after my graduation.
Stories worse than this have become a way of life from both friends and acquaintances alike. A few weeks ago a friend asked me to lend him the only wristwatch I have for a job interview only for me to discover a few days later he actually gave it to a female friend as a gift, imagine!! . He is not going to compensate me for the wristwatch and I know if I don't put a stop to all this silliness, I'll soon be giving up soul.
It got so bad that some folks resort to emotional blackmail to extort from me, I end up feeling drained, used, and worst It is extremely difficult for me to turn them down.
I am not saying that helping people or being selfless is a bad attribute in general, I am only highlighting it's negative features if boundaries are not put in place. I hope I am able to balance altruism and self- awareness creating a safe space for both myself and the people around me without ruining our relationship. I know it won't be easy am not even close to where I want to be as the year is still a toddler but I intend to put myself first, one self-centered decision after a few selfless gestures.
