It's 5 A.M. and I am drinking my tea thinking: should I do it? Should I leave this tattoo shop?
It has been almost 5 months and I feel with each day that my soul is dying creatively. I feel a sense of calm and liberation only thinking about leaving this place. I think of my talent and the hardships I went through before all of this journey in Denmark even began. I can remember the joy of knowing I will be a tattoo apprentice and fulfill my dream to put my talent at painting to work.
Reality was different. The members in the team of the tattoo shop were bored, beaten down and fed up, trying to scrape a bit of joy from the few exciting projects which came once in a while. The fresh energy of a dreamer who wanted more disturbed their egos. I do not blame them, people are what they are and I ain't going to change them.
But sitting in an environment where you are not appreciated for your talent , where you are just there to produce money for a businessman, where you do not grow or be challenged rubs off on you.
The idea of resignation was in my mind for a while, but there was a particular event that made me say: enough is enough.
My tattoo machine is " dying" as in the motor is not running properly anymore. I can feel it by the sound, vibration and performance. Men probably can understand this better as it is not different from a bigger tool. So I was worried. I knew I needed more money and extra income to pay for better machine. I know how hard working I am, I know I am better. So I asked for a promotion, backing it up with facts. I was told no because there is a plan that is applied to everyone, regardless of talent or performance. The tone, the arrogance and the lack of respect for an employee disturbed me. Oddly enough a sense of calm hit me that night. I knew this was it.
The next morning I googled formal resignation letters and I wrote mine. I could feel a sense of joy just by doing it. I texted the employer a formal message and handed the letter to the manager. In a couple of minutes I received a call from the boss. Trying to lure me in with some extra money, less than I required. These are the modern shackles of the soul : sweet promises of nothing wrapped in some papers. The kind of breadcrumbs people fall for when they are desperate or do not know their worth. I said no. Damn it felt good. A surge of anger, disrespect and bad words were at the end of the line. I stood in awe listening as it did not get to me. I said to myself: girl, this is the ultimate proof you are making the right decision. So the 10th of april will be my last working day in this quite creatively depressing place. I am deeply grateful for the journey and opportunity while I can make the difficult decision of knowing when it is the best to walk away. I will never step on my soul for money, validation or out of fear. God is with me.
I went to the job center to check my options. I want to tattoo. But options seem limited. I am open to other countries as well as going back to Romania if I have to. If anyone reading this knows a tattoo shop that actually want real artists working there, inform me. Either way, I am amazed of how much I have grown on an emotional level as I can remain calm during chaos and have a feeling that everything will turn out just fine.
I managed to finish this cute Border Collie dog portrait before my machine starting to " age". Practicing in the free time on fakeskin therefore is no longer an option as I have to make sure the machine will work during the rest of my remaining time here. So I paint and draw again in the pauses between clients. The thing I craved for in months. Yay.
I am telling the reality of my story because I am sure that somewhere out there at least one person might feel inspired or encouraged to do the same: to choose dignity, self respect and their own sanity and never allow other people to decide their fate.
Amen!
P.S. There are more details of the story which are not comfortable to reveal now, but I will for sure make a full transparent post about my experience in this shop in the near future.Leaving an image of the wonderful resignation letter on the blockchain for the future me to admire years from now.
