Heyo!
After thinking and thinking and thinking for months, I finally decided (with my husbando’s green light) to quit my job. Deciding whether to stay or leave my job for months, since the start of this year, has been of the most if not the most stressful times of my life. It is never easy to make these decisions especially when you have mouths to feed and a household to support. Heck, even without those factors, it’s just never easy.
The previous months were full of spiraling deeper and deeper into depression. I was mentally fucked. It started with the local government’s request to not send children to daycare for a month (I have a 2-year-old that I send to daycare) in line with the schools closing due to the spike of Covid cases in my city. At first, I was cool with it because I can have time to draw and give more attention to the business that I wanted to start. Then, the "stay home" situation ended but when I came back to work, I realized that this work is not what I want to do for myself anymore. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted something more fulfilling than just clocking in and out of work.
A WIP (work-in-progress) of my MerMay art
However, as I stated earlier, it wasn’t easy. First, I have a very short attention span and when I am with my child, who constantly wants my attention, I get distracted and lose my will and drive to do the things that I have planned to do.
Second, I get financial insecurity when I do not have a proper job. This is one factor why I have always been hesitant to go "be my own boss". Currently, we can live off comfortably (not luxuriously) with just my husbando's salary but I want to have my own money to spend on things I personally want.
But alas, I woke up every day crying and dreading going to work. Just the thought of “it’s time to go to work” turned me into a crying mess. I, first, convinced myself that this was just a phase and will be over eventually. I was so wrong. I considered these past few months to be the lowest point of my life. Anxiety was growing, depression was seeping through, and I needed help.
Hesitantly, I talked to my husbando about my current condition and, God bless this man's heart, he was very understanding. Sure, we had some difficulty because it was both our first time facing my mental health issues. But with constant communication and with me pushing myself to speak my mind to him, we were able to overcome what could have been a huge smear in our relationship.
So now that I am free from the corporate pressures, what's the plan?
While I am still uncertain of what's gonna happen from now on, here are some things that I am sure I very much want to push through.
① Make art as religious as I can, as effective as I can.
It has always been my life goal, and if you read my little snippet in the end, to make a living out of art. I intend to make that come through because I believe it is what will make my life on this earth fulfilling. I have constant art blocks and it takes me a while to make a new artwork after I had just finished making one.
So how do I make art as religious and as effective as I can? Effective practicing.
I have watched a lot of Youtube videos on how to improve one's art and the common thing they say is "draw with intention". Yuannaoi, an NSFW artist I follow recently, was asked the same and she said "Scribbling mindlessly 100 times will not improve anything. You have to have a goal. If you want to improve on drawing hands, draw hands a hundred and a thousand times". That struck me the most and made me go back to the basics of drawing.
I have a lot of points that I have learned in the videos that I watched and I intend to make an article about them so I can share them with my fellow struggling artists.
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ArtPark MerMay Day 3 Entry
② Make more articles/blogs.
Many know me as an artist but my interests are widely varied, and that reflects my content inside and outside the platform. Nothing is wrong with varied content. We are all free to express our thoughts on any topic. However, as I make a transition towards being a freelance artist and small business owner, I want to exercise writing more core topics that are in line with what I want to do and that of my brand.
Therefore, from now on, my topics will be limited to Anime and OtaKatsu (otaku activities), Art blogs, and mini lifestyle blogs which are not only limited to bullet journaling and creative writing. That is UNLESS there are topics or issues in the world that I strongly feel about and I just needed to voice my thoughts and put them into writing.
③ Small business.
I am officially a business owner but don't tell anybody yet. It's still in the works but I registered my business last February only to postpone the preparations because of my mental health issues.
But I'll give you a hint. Something sticky and paper :p
Crimson Owl Studio. Website on the works.
Finally, I realize that I am in a fairly privileged position to be able to just quit my job like that. I say it wasn't easy but I know there are still people who are powering through their jobs even if they don't like it. To that, I salute those people.
However, I've been putting off my dreams for so long that I take this as a sign to lead an even more fulfilling life. Of course, there will be challenges in the way. It's not always rainbows and sunshine. But if I don't choose now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to choose again.
One day or Day 1. You decide.
I decided and this is my Day 1.
That's it for now.
Remember, creativity is contagious. Pass it on.
Let's be nice to each other.
See you on the next one.
I'm crimsonowl, a random otaku in the blockchain, creator of ArtPark CryptoArt Community, an artist-in-progress trying to make a living out of art, an NFT artist-creator, a crypto blogger talking about anime, art, and everything in between.
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