I didn't know I'd be here today. Yesterday, I did. The day before that and Monday, too, mapped out before it started. Tomorrow's done. I announced the launch of an exciting new multi-player VR game tomorrow but I don't know what today is.
Complex, probably—apartments. Didn't go inside. But I know that parking lot. Had the whole thing to myself.
Chesapeake, Virginia. Enjoyed breakfast at a joint called Amber Lantern that morning—2nd best crab cakes I ever had.
No parking. One block from the beach. Every one-way street is parked and double parked on both sides. Not an open meter anywhere when, down at the end of a narrow alley, I saw what I thought was a driveway I could get turned around in and go back the way I came until something opened up.
It was an empty parking lot. Asphalt and painted lines, all the markings of a parking lot but not a single vehicle in it until now. Looked deserted. Had the whole thing to myself. I parked in the space closest to the street. I could see Amber Lantern, there's a line out the door.
Barely got a foot on the ground when all I heard were boots beating pavement behind me and they're getting louder. Loud ass boots and a loud ass, screaming ass sound that was human, I'm pretty sure at least, but no idea what it's saying.
See?
Neither did I.
Been awhile since I looked for People Under The Stairs. Too distracted by an empty parking lot, I guess, he had a whole house set up under there. I turned around as quickly as possible before whatever it was was on top of me.
DISCOVERY 5G SUV LEADED LAND CARBON POISON FOOTPRINT FIBEROPTIC ALLIGATOR MAILBOX ALIEN COVID SOLAR LANDING KILL DIE!!!!!!!
(Something to that affect)
Went off about everything from Nᵒ 2 pencils to celery stock. I caught about every third word. I extended my arms out in front of me so he'd know at about what point to begin braking.
He stopped.
And took aim at me with both hands in the shape of pistols, then the car, fired pretend bullets at it, then at me. He made ricocheting bullet sounds with his mouth and mumbled noises that sounded like radio static while pointing with his feet all around the car, screaming at the sky and the license plate and the beach about Kim Jong Un and the Titanic..
Dude! You gonna be ok? Let me give you a water, can I get you something to eat?
I reached back inside the car, grabbed a water to give to him but he was already halfway back to the stairs by the time I got out, running full speed at pigeons screaming about I don't know what.
I left the water laying against the windshield wiper in case he changed his mind. He did. Someone got it, I'm sure it was him. Walked across the street to Amber Lantern and had the 2nd best crab cakes ever overlooking Chesapeake Bay.
