I struggled with a lot of questions I have no knowledge about and as to how to answer them. But one question that seems simple but also looks hard is; who am I?
For someone who metamorphoses into a different personality each time, it’s a very hard question to answer.
Biologically, I am a young man in my early twenties seeing a lot of changes in spirit, soul and body and it’s very overwhelming at the moment. No matter what I do, I keep asking myself if it’s the right thing for the moment and good for my future. Always second guessing. .
I come from a good and average family and I’m the first child to be produced by two loving people and good parents in which I couldn’t have asked for a different pair.
On other days, life as the first born of the house isn’t a soft job. The fact that you have to alternate between being a mini parent, who should be able to take care of himself to some level isn’t easy. Also appearing as a child who want the shared love of your parents and being an older sibling to your younger ones is difficult. You are multidimensional in your position, though people might feel pity for you, they can never understand what you go through.
I was a bright kid when I was young, I became the class captain in primary 2 and I never left the post till I left school. I encountered different teachers but they will tell you one thing, I was a good student.
Secondary school was a different dimension, my parents dropped me into a boarding house system. They must have trusted my previous academic ability and thought that I could recap that in secondary school. Life was tough, new waking hours and new domestic chores everyday. I also have to meet up with the academic activities and that affected me and I dropped from being a bright kid to average.
I remember this visitation from my dad and he saw couples of test scripts I had done and he wasn’t thrilled with how I had performed and I had teary eyes.
Secondary school went early and university days was a long shot.
I got into English but wanted Law. Early days I lived as a wounded lawyer. Even though I have always thought I knew English. Reality dawned on me that I didn’t know it as I thought I did. Overall university was a lot of misfired shots but happily I was able to scale through with a least good grade and I’m thinking of going to do my masters so I can give all I didn’t give during undergraduate years.
Recently, I discovered my lost passion for writing. Thinking about it, the world has been able to retain knowledge because of good writers who put pen to paper and jot things down from their perceptiveness.
I wonder what the world would become if we didn’t have as many writers as we have had. Certainly they won’t be as progressive as we are now.
Imagine we don’t have the Bible and the Quran in existence.
Apart from this, I think of writing as an art, the way it insulates the mind makes it look like magic.
Ever read a piece and you fall in love with whoever wrote them even before you met them? Magic!
Writing for me, is a long lost passion which I have discovered never to be lost again. So I’m holding tight to it, no matter the life storm I may encounter in the coming future, I don’t want to ever spend a time in my life, whereas I am not consistently jotting down my thoughts. I may run crazy.
I’m not sure of going commercial yet but I look at the idea of living this world with a few books that when people read, they get impacted on how to better live this life. I don’t want it to sound like a self developmental book but a knowledge that won’t fade out ever.
So let’s say I’m a writer, maybe not a professional one yet.
I really found my way back to Christ, and now the thing which was clear before, was that I have always been in His surroundings but not in Him. My parents are close to Christ and also to the altar and since birth, they have taught me about Christianity. I attended a Catholic primary school, which makes it a choked up situation of having to read the rosary everyday, I wasn’t Catholic.
Secondary school, a boarding system, it was Anglican. I endured 6 years of forced Labour for Christ. I worked for Christ anyway but it was a forced thing. It didn’t come from the bottom of my heart.
All these made me feel I’m being forced into a religion I don’t know and a God I’m not sure exists. I went wayward during university days, far away from church, away from Christ and anything that has to do with him, I explored.
But recently, I notice my soul has been yearning for the peace of mind I did when I was in Christ and I came back to him. To start a journey of newness. Old things have passed away, all things have become new with it.
All of these are a compilation of how I am, and when people ask me who I am, I wonder what to tell me, or which to tell me. If I should tell me about what I have achieved according to my age or about my level in Christ or even my degree.
People are a lot of things and somehow they may have been able to tag it under a solid tag, which is their name. But that's not really who they are.
We are a lot of different facades of life experiences that have shaped us to become who we are currently.
