Hi! This is Diana and I'm new here. I’m your hyper-independent, nonchalant middle child.
Ever since, I think I’m always given free rein of what I want to do with my life. I’ve never heard my parents say not to do this or not to do that and as a result, I have had few interesting experiences since I graduated high school. But I’m not a rebel or did terrible things or anything like that.
As an ambitious person, I worked my ass out in an eye clinic when I was a fresh high school graduate. I was able to help my family a bit, financially, because we were struggling because life happens. But after about 3 years, I returned home and went back to the start with depression and anxiety on the side.
At this time, I went to this training where I managed to sort out my issues, depression… mental health things. Then after the training, I decided to go on to college. Life’s pretty normal until, of course, 2020 happens. But even then, we all tried to adjust and everything seems okay again until May of 2021.
On May 19 of 2021, I was involved in a life- threatening vehicular accident. I spent 27 days in the hospital with a broken shoulder, multiple wounds, head trauma, a stitched scalp, a bashed forehead, even a black eye, and I’m literally black and blue all over. I have no words to describe the pain when I regained consciousness, three days after the accident.
I had long hair before the accident but due to head injuries and the reek of dried blood in my hair, my mom just cut my hair however and it looked horrifying😆
I went home with a broken shoulder still because I was not given proper care with regards to that because they diagnosed me with Covid (which I believe is a total bull because my mom who cared for me shared my food and spoon and yet she didn’t have Covid). I begged my mom to let me go home because I can’t stand all the needles being punctured on my arms and hands and feet to draw blood, to insert the dextrose, etc.
Back at home, I got depression again and I was super suicidal. But thankfully I didn’t. Since 2021 was still the era of online classes, I had no trouble with school (I was in my 3rd year, first semester when the accident happened). My instructor said I just needed to pass all the projects given and she extended the deadline for me. With a broken shoulder, unhealed wounds, and a pretty bad, untreated concussion I decided to continue to the second semester. My depression got worse because my brain is not the same. I’m too forgetful and all the time, I take about 3-5 seconds before remembering a word and it’s pretty often that I can’t remember the word at all. It feels like I’m too dumb and I’ll be getting nowhere with this kind of brain.
Back at school but was having terrible time due to post-concussion problems
But surprise! I worked on my thesis almost all by myself and even won Best Thesis when I graduated. But not without crying many nights while suffering with terrible, terrible head pain due to the concussion. I was still riding pretty good with my depression and anxiety the whole time yet after graduation, I decided to find work immediately so as to not have any downtime and entertain depressed, anxious thoughts.
And so, I worked in BPO. I thought I’ll be okay because I’ll be busy and I’ll have no time to think (I also worked as a copywriter for a private organization) but during this time my anxiety peaked so high and I was not able to sleep 36 hours straight. I think it was three instances that it happened. I knew I can’t go on with this awful mental state so I decided to resign after 6 months in BPO but I kept my copywriting work.
Tried to keep it together at work but I can't help crying in the corner during break time😄
Right now, I’m chilling at home, looking back on all these dramatic and somehow amusing experiences. It's amuses me how I've always tried to brave through life and trauma all by myself and had been through much but I'm still the same nonchalant me. l Still have depression and a little anxiety but I can sleep now. Still not sure about where I’ll go from here or if my life won’t be as dramatic from here on. I guess the best I can do is sit back and enjoy the ride. I’m also excited about sharing my thoughts here in Hive and finding communities as well for writers, introverts, and introspective people in general.
All photos are mine. Thank you for sparing your time reading this. Looking forward to hearing from you also.
-Dayana
